Good Morning!!! To the western hemisphere that is of course. Major Lol. I was feeling cheery and decided to give you guys a bonus blog post. Also, I felt motivated to post again, because according to my google stat there seems to have been an increase in views. I don't understand where they all came from since I hadn't posted until about two hours ago, but I will try to seize the momentum. And in full disclosure considering the last topic I blogged about, I thought this one would be it's perfect cup of tea!!! Major Lol the irony right !!!! Okay, Ana focus please so we don't get discredited. Sike ...pfffff...
Seriously, back on track for this new post I am about to spill out all the most possible beans on it. One honest disclaimer before anyone starts accusing me of not having closure: I am over him. I once again, in my naive and hopeless aspiration to find love or a genuine friend: decided to meet up with a online faith-based friend. I utilize Facebook groups to mainly share my blog and I had joined one group named something like single christians. One day I posted my link to my YouTube video about making cupcakes and this one member replied commenting something about it. In order to comply with not being sued for release of personal information we shall name him Little Stuartie = LS (I was going for Little Stuart but I also don't want cinema production to sue me either). So LS and I began messaging back and forth and we ended up chatting on Facebook messenger. Gradually our conversations progressed to text messages and even phone calls, but I can't recall if we spoke on the phone prior to meeting in person.
LS had mentioned he really enjoyed going to museums because he was a history buff so I had been wanting to go to the Tampa History Museum for a while and it seemed like the perfect place to meet a stranger/friend. We decided to meet two days after Thanksgiving on a Saturday mid-day. As per usual, I arrived early to wait for him by the entrance with a card I had bought him (I know totally over the top stupid gesture of mine). I wrote like just nice things about him and I honestly don't know why I did it. I guess I've always been a writer and I love giving people cards, letters, and expressing how I feel on paper or in writing. We greeted each other and paid for our admission tickets individually of course. It was a bit awkward at first not knowing how to behave around each other for the first few minutes. Naturally, as the day continued we got more and more comfortable with each other to where we could laugh and horse play around with each other.
At our early dinner, we were definitely joking non-stop and being a bit more flirtatious. I figured the meeting would be over after we ate, but he didn't want to leave and we decided to walk down the River Walk because it was starting to be sunset. LS and I did hold hands or I grabbed him by the arm something like that as we walked and talked to the end of the River Walk that led to the Curtis Hixon Park. Obviously, it was a crowded place with the Xmas lights and ice-skating and holiday atmosphere. They were actually prepping to show some Xmas movie by the lawn and LS had said he wanted to stay and watch it. I agreed and I sat down in front of him to keep warm because it was beginning to cool down rapidly. I even lend him my spare hoodie because he was shivering by this point. Eventually, it was just too cold for our clothing and we decided it was time to leave. This is the part where he found out about me not driving so he obviously offered to drive me back home. He lived a bit further than I did, but I figured it couldn't hurt spending a little more time together. Kids if you are reading this, please get off my page and go do your homework because I have some things I need to share not for your ears or eyes. Major Lol. Kidding, you need to sit down and pay closer attention and learn from my mistakes.
So as you all know a date that goes well ends in a kiss. We both had agreed we were just meeting up to explore the museum together as friends, but once we starting flirting it was inevitable the meeting turned into a date. Before I exited his car, we did exchange a few xoxo and just cuddled. In that moment, I asked him (because I have been traumatized from past experiences) paraphrasing " Do you really like me and is this special?" I just wanted to know why he wanted to spend so much time with me and why he felt so attracted to me so soon. Of course, he said it was special and he did really like me, because we were in the moment of kissing. I don't think you'd say otherwise and continue getting kisses. Again, these are the stupid questions I asked when the situation wouldn't have led me to any other answer.
LS and me kept in touch via text and phone calls during the week and mostly meet up to see each other on the weekends. During our 5 weeks of seeing each other, we went to a movie, dinner, grocery stores, and flea market. It wasn't in that order but those were our little get together outings. After the third outing, we began having serious conversations about our differences in what we wanted and expected in our interaction. He wanted to go in one direction and I wanted to go in the opposite direction. I kept telling him I didn't want to mess up again and he just said yeah I get it but wouldn't uphold that promise to help me. After New year's day, I couldn't help but feel somewhat left out of his social gatherings and his large network of friends.
He began to distance himself and started to complain about having to drive all the way to see me and having to drop me back off in order to spend some time with me. I immediately felt offended that he would make that into an excuse not to come see me and make me feel so belittled. LS knew from the start where I lived and I never hid my situation from not driving from him. In fact, I am sure I mentioned it before we actually met but he didn't pay attention. One argument after another just continue to set us apart and I realized it wasn't meant to be. We couldn't stay friends even if we tried because that friend zone had already been broken. In all honesty, we did try for a while to be friends, but as soon as he mentioned seeing other people I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't try to make it work. I also felt so betrayed after all the things he had once told me to just blame my situation for not wanting to see me.
It hurt really badly to know he never actually meant any of those things he told me. When you care for someone -- it doesn't matter how hard it is to see them you do whatever it takes to see them. He could have been that aid that propelled me to fix my situation, but of course why would anyone care to lend me a hand and help me make progress. When I mention aid, I am not referring to money at all, because I was making a good salary when I met him and it was a skill assistance in teaching (that is what I could have benefited from). Nevertheless, I went back and forth with him via Facebook messenger until maybe five months ago when we last messaged each other. I specifically told him I was done keeping in touch with him, because there was no point. LS always denies doing any wrong to me and won't accept the fact that he lied to me about how he really felt about me and towards me. I told him I did forgive him, but I just wanted to move forward without him in my life.
I admit I did unblock him to snoop around his page to see what he was up to and to see if he was dating anyone. I should have left him blocked the whole time, but I caved into my curiosity. The point is that I haven't seen him since that winter month back in 2021 and I won't see him anytime soon either-- perks of meeting people who don't live where you live. I will always pray for him and wish him nothing but the best. I hold no hate or grudge in my heart for what happened, but there is a definite disillusion for how things ended. So as much as I tried to make a new friend and keep it amicable: I failed miserably and tried to make something out of nothing. He was not my type from the beginning, and yet there were qualities in him that made me like him to a certain degree-- I wasn't madly in love or close to it at all. That is why I reference him as my winter fling. It came and it passed all in a blink of an eye. He brought temporary warmth only to leave me with a cold sweet bitter memory.
So there you have it, my epic relationship failures for you to learn from. I saw minor red flags from the start, yet I thought I don't have to be so vigorous about it since we are only on the purpose of being friends. You shouldn't lower your expectations for a life partner and you should not lower them for a friend either. Remember God has a beautiful plan for your life and you are not a mistake. Have a blessed day or night wherever you are and keep moving forward with a heartbreak or not. Thanks for reading my blog, for more content just scroll on to the next post. Like, Share, Comment, Subscribe!!!!
Love,
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo ,
Ana :)
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