Becoming a bilingual person #Amilikey

 

Dear Bloggers of mine, hello once again I am here to share with you some amazing insights into my vida. That is correct you heard it first here and now. Vida is Spanish for life, I know I don’t have the large audience I’d like to have but regardless of my nonexistent fan base— I will continue to have a voice and a platform via my blogging. My drive always comes back to motivating and inspiring people to overcome their circumstances no matter the hardship with positivity and God’s unconditional love. 

         One of the topics I hold extra dear to my heart has always been my heritage as a Latina women. No one knows how hard it is to integrate into a culture that is the complete opposite of where you grew up in other than immigrants. The language barrier is one of the most challenging parts of transitioning from living in your home country into foreign territory. I was fortunate enough to have been able to come to the states when I was just a little girl. In the beginning, it is true I hated being here because I felt isolated not knowing how to speak the language and being able to communicate with people. As a first grader in school, all I could do is imitate what the other kids did in class. If they picked up a pencil, I looked for a pencil and if they colored the assignment sheet a certain way I did the exact, because I had no idea what I was suppose to do ever. As time passed by, little by little I picked up the words to associate with their meaning until I could create small sentences. I remember not having any help at school or at home to further assist me in my learning of another language and it was hard. As the years progressed, I gained new vocabulary and I was able to freely communicate with my peers without so much trouble. 

For those of you who don’t know my story I came to America for my medical treatment of burn care in mainly plastic surgery through lots of Z plasty interventions. So there was a two year gap in my treatment where I was living in Colombia and I hadn’t come back to the states in that time frame. When I did come back, I hadn’t spoken English in two years at the age of eleven and I was so surprised to see how easily it was for me to pick up the language all over again. I reintegrated into the school system with ease and only had to attend an ESOL class for 30 minutes once a week for about 6 to 8 weeks maybe. I remember I enjoyed going to this class with other Spanish natives, because we always got snacks at the end of our sessions. One day the teacher pulled me aside and informed me I was no longer to be there, because my English was up to part and I didn’t need anymore assistance in the language learning. I was so sad and upset I no longer was allowed to go with them to these sessions, but it also proved that I was a fast learner. 

My educational history is extensive quiet frankly because I discovered my true passion in life a bit late, so I’m not here to summary my educational experience, but shed light into the part of me that dealt with the language barrier as a Hispanic. I always knew Spanish would always be my first language even if I was fluent in English. I believe that I hesitated a lot of the time to express myself in class — because I didn’t want to be judged on my way of expressing myself in verbiage context. Even though I grew up going to school in America, there was always those awkward occasions when people would mention phrases that didn’t make any sense to me or used words I’d never heard before — it was those instances I felt frustrated not knowing the American lingo. 

As a thirty three year old, now I can confidently say I don’t have that language barrier I once had as a kid, but very rarely to this day — I do hear random things I find confusing and intriguing because they’re still new to me. My main point is that becoming a bilingual person did not come easy to me and it took a lot of hard work to fully grasp the English language that most Americans use on a day to day affairs. It was easier to learn as a child, but it still required a lot initiative in my part and effort to build and maintain my acquired terminology. So, I understand when a Spanish person feels neglected and discriminated for not being able to communicate effectively or at all with others. Throughout the years, many people have questioned the validity of my heritage because I don’t speak English with an accent. I’m more than grateful to have mastered the tone of speaking English without automatically sounding like a foreigner. I feel more blended into the American culture and that’s a good feeling because being singled out is not fun at all. Also given the fact of my unique appearance, it’s nice to have something in common with the majority. 

Moral of the story is to be more welcoming of those who haven’t mastered the language or who will never be able to do so either because of personal limitations or impediments. I love foreigners because obviously I am one and as a Colombian- American, I can relate to them all and I enjoy the challenge of understanding what they’re saying. One coworker once asked me, “ Are you B C ?” and I had to really take a moment to decipher it and then I was like — why would I be B C and as I thought more and more about it I finally got it. They were trying to say, “Are you busy?” Major Lol. I was like ohhh okay now that makes more sense. 

Overall, immigrants are always looked down upon because of the stereotypical things that have tainted our reputation like terrorism or drug trafficking/kidnapping, etc. However, the true majority of foreigners truly have come with the intention of working hard and integrating ourselves into the American culture as best as we can. To be able to contribute something productive and meaningful to society while making a beautiful life for ourselves. So I hear the necessity for having bilingual people not just of Spanish speaking but of all other languages across the world. As a bilingual person myself, I support other immigrants and I truly strive to help them out any chance I’ve been given to translate for them. Remember to embrace the language barrier someone might have and do whatever you can to help them better communicate. 

For now I leave you with this so powerful and true statement, “ You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He doesn’t make mistakes. You have a purpose to fulfill!” Allow God to step into your life and make it the beautiful masterpiece only He knows how to do. We want answers and only He can provide them. As always thank you for taking the time to read this humble blog. It doesn’t hurt to share, like, comment and follow either. For more great updates and content on your one and only Ana just use the #amilikey on all your social media. 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

Stop Lying To Yourself!! #Amilikey

     

     Greetings beloved bloggers once again I am here to share some in-depth truth from my own journeys. I know every time I tell myself, "You have to just push through all the negativity and believe in better days to come" is easier said than done. I have lied to myself more times than I'd like to admit it is a true statement. I look back and want to shake myself vigorously for allowing such lies to be told to me by me over and over again. I know it is inevitable to lie to someone else because it is in our own human nature and if anyone says they have never lied or tell lies -- that is the first lie. The majority of the time people lie to one another to spare their feelings or to hide something valuable like a surprise party. So, if we can control the one person who we lie to -- it should be ourselves! 

        Why is this so important? We create our own emotional toils and if we can stand on our true self without sugar coating the reality we live in then we will be better off. For instance, when we stand in front of the mirror, we either accept ourselves as we are with flaws and all or ignore the flaws and pretend everything is fine. It is one thing to acknowledge your weaknesses and another to want to do something about them to lessen them or eliminate them altogether if it possible. Overweight people tend to constantly lie to themselves to avoid the underlining cause of their inability to self control their food consumption. They now say, " I am just a thick woman", versus admitting you are unhealthy and you are physically causing yourself ailments that are preventable. The lies are not just about our own physical aspects, but they trail all the way to toxic relationships (which now I know too much of first hand) and bad habits like being a shopaholic. I know also analyzing my past relationships, I constantly told myself lies about these toxic relationships because I didn't want to loose them and be alone. 

    One of the major toxic relationships I've had was forcing the title of best friend to someone who never even wanted to be my friend in the first place. On many occasions he told me the only reason he was talking to me was because he was bored and I was the only go to person option in that moment. Yet, I still keep graveling for his attention, because I had invested so many years I didn't want that time to have been for nothing. I gave him a birthday gift from my own allowance, because that's how special he was to me. I wanted him to be my best friend and fulfill the role of a big brother I never had or wanted so desperately. I remember sharing my secrets with him about how I felt about my boy troubles and every little thing that happened to me, he was always the first one I wanted to tell more than anything. I even went out of my way to set him up with a former classmate who I thought would be a perfect match for him at the time. Once I realized she was just using him I wrote him a letter (literally) and told him plain and simple she doesn't actually like you or love you after a whole year of seeing her treat him like he was her personal assistant. He didn't listen to me of course, by this time he was so infatuated with her he couldn't see right from wrong at all. Eventually, as the years went by and she had enough of faking it, she left him without telling him and she robbed him of almost ten years of being a relationship without someone who didn't love him. 

    When this happened, I thought he would finally be free from her and that we could reconnect our friendship, but that was not the case at all. He found new people to invest his time with and barely ever made time to talk to me because he was so busy "working". On the few rare occasions we actually spent together it was always in a group setting and I just happened to be there. He only shared my 29th birthday with me because my hot cousin had come from Colombia and he was interested in her. I don't blame him for wanting to pursue her, because she is beautiful and who wouldn't want a hot babe. I just hate that he never cared about me as a friend and he just called himself an asshole and somehow that made up for it. All those years, I reached out to him first -- always showing how much I missed him and wanted to reconnect and all I ever got was a few words here and there. Those were the times I was lying to myself about him being my best friend. He never was my best friend and he was never a real friend either. He told me once via Facebook messenger, "You are one of those friends in life is hard to find and we are like a magnet that you pull apart but always find their way back to each other" (something along the lines I was paraphrasing. He also told me other things I rather not say to respect his marriage. The very one I wasn't even invited to even though he literally saw me the day before his wedding and just merely waved at me hi and bye. I mentioned it before, I wasn't going of course because I never even met her and he obviously didn't care to introduce his girlfriend to his best friend (as this was also the lie he too told me several times -- that I was his female best friend -pfffff). I only bring it up to support my statement of him being such a fake friend. 

    Overall, he never did anything to show me he cared about me as a friend and everything he did was in his best interest to gain something he wanted out of me. Those few lines he told me that one night will never be forgotten, but to him they were just sweet one liners to get me to do what he wanted. They still hurt to this day, knowing he lied without thinking the value of such bold statements. I always questioned them and never accepted them as being truthful, because his actions went directly against what he alleged. It just hurt knowing he had to go to such extremes to try to make me feel special when the truth was always right there. You cannot tell someone something your very actions disproof. I also just hate how much I cried about losing the friendship I thought I had built. I wept like a baby in prior years when I didn't talk to him at all and he was still dating that girl who abandoned him. Afterwards, I was caught up in other toxic relationships that the pain subsided for a while, because I was so consumed by other idiots. I longed for his help with just basic goals I had and he never once cared to help me at all. I was always encouraging him and telling him he had potential to do more and be more. Everything between me and him was always one sided and finally after his marriage I had enough of his demeanor to ignore me as a "best friend". It's been about almost three years since I last saw him and had any contact with him. He was one toxic relationship I kept lying to myself about over and over because it was too painful to let him go, until I finally did. From time to time, I still have dreams about him and I wake up so thankful it was just a stupid dream, because I don't ever want him back in my life to any capacity. I wish him all the very best, but I just want to live my life without the people from my past. I forgive him of course for all the lies he told me and for never truly accepting the role I gave him as a best friend or friend period. I leave you with this one concrete example, he once signed my year book by saying " Ana, I forgive you for being a little ..... out there , have a great summer" something like that, but basically what he was trying to emphasis was-- I was annoying. So even then he gave me subtle hints of how he really felt about me and I just smiled like an idiot and ignored it. That is why, you should never lie to yourself about the truth you are living as hard as it may be. 

    Thank you for taking the time to read it, remember you are not a mistake because God does not make mistakes. You have a purpose and a plan to fulfill, so allow Jesus to enter your heart, mind, and soul!!! Remember to share, like, comment!!! 

  

Ana :)