“I want to be a tear,
To be born in your eyes,
Grow in your cheeks,
And die on your lips”
That’s a small poem a friend
of mine once told me. I love romance and the idea of happily ever after, but let’s
be real- life isn’t a fairy-tale. You don’t get what you want, when you
want it, or how you want it. People will continue to come and go as they
please. Love is real, but it is not found in men or women.
I have experience both
sides of the coin, I have had pleasure for the hell of it, and I have attempted
to make a relationship out of lust. Neither one worked in the end. I came to
realize 99% of all men on earth could care less about me and a woman; they only
seek to satisfy their need to bust a good nut. Men don’t express their feelings,
and they have sex just for the sexual pleasure. Contrary to us females, we feel
something when we’re having sex and it turns into more emotional feelings/connections.
I wish I could proudly say
I had the right to wear white to my future wedding, but I can’t. I am not
sharing this personal detail of my life to gain followers or make myself popular.
I want to be that voice of reason for a younger female out there thinking about
engaging in sexual activities. It always starts out with some French kissing and
some 2nd base action, next thing you know you’re pass 3rd
and straight into home base. Sex feels incredible when it’s done right, but
that’s not the point of the discussion. Obviously, if sex wasn’t worth the high
– people would actually wait till marriage.
I would have never imagined
myself as an active sexual being for several reasons:
1. I literally
thought since no man had ever asked me out – I was so undesirable physically
2. I felt like I
wasn’t good enough to be desired sexually
3. I thought my
upbringings and strong faith would most definitely keep in away from all of
that always
It turns out I was wrong in all three points. Men have no standards
when it comes to having sex. They will have sex with any female that will open
up. Men could care less if you are pretty, smart, clean, well-mannered, etc. If
you have a vagina or a whole – they will hit it. It sounds graphic and gruesome;
yet, it’s the real deal of what happens.
I had my very 1st
kiss with a stranger one night and we
fooled around in his car. I wasn’t even
expecting him to kiss me, since we hadn’t mentioned that as part of our
interaction. He never really contacted me afterwards – except to bring up the
option of having sex. I texted him maybe once or twice after that night. My
sexual monster was awaken over a sleepover at Nathan’s house, because we
cuddled for several minutes. I thought we had a connection, and I stupidly
believed he liked me as a potential girlfriend. He later stated it was only
friendly cuddling and it meant absolutely nothing to him. After that night and
experience, I was kept in a longing state for more physical interaction.
His rejection and sexual
appeal, drove me to trying online dating- which I did engage in for about a
year on and off. I have had tinder, match, POF, OkCupid, KIK, and other online
dating profiles. They all resulted in the same thing – regret and disillusion.
I was shocked to see the amount of men messaging me with the most common lies:
- You are so beautiful , you so fine and sexy, I want to be with you, etc.
These people could care less about what I thought about them or anything, so long
as I would engage in their dirty conversations and agreed to do something with
them. I embarrassedly have to admit I caved in with about a dozen or more
online dating men. Let me clarify this before you jump to your own conclusions.
When I say caved in with about a dozen: It only refers to the fact that I
allowed 5 people to physically interact with me in some way or another. No, I
did not have sex with all 5 huge mistakes.
The last ones I interacted
with lead me on to think they were actually serious about getting with me and
starting a serious relationship. I have never had a real boyfriend or real
relationship. I lowered my standards for no reason worthwhile. I gave up the
most precious gift I had to offer my future husband. I now know internally and
externally the severity and consequences of being sexually active. Apart from
the orgasm you may or may not experience, being sexually active causes so much
emotional distress/trauma.
Please understand just one
thing, I have been there and Done that BS all through my last years of HS. If
you love yourself and respect who You are as a person-then becoming sexually active
is not on your to-do-lists. It’s always better to focus on your adulting and
stability for employment. Once all of that is taken care of, we need to tighten
up and let love come to us.
Moral of me sharing this
relies on the need I see teenagers not knowing what is truly best. People can
deny they aren’t in need of anything but trust me when I say they’re in need
but won’t let. Love starts off with that attraction and slowly progresses with
time to affection. I am clearly no expert in relationships and I have learned
from them. Do not give it up so easily and remember – just because he was willing
to fuck, it still don’t mean He will want a serious girlfriend. Please just
take a few minutes to think it through and you’ll notice later on I was right.
Till next time, this is Ana – the best Colombian Ever!!!!
Visit this page Fun !!!! :)
