Online Chatting Adventures #amilikey

     

    Hey there beautiful people!!! I wish I hadn't been under the weather for the past couple of past days because it robbed me of so much doing. Whenever you are physically sick, it literally takes out all the energy of doing anything. All I want to do is lay down and watch TV to try and rest/recover as soon as possible. I've googled that if you try to do strenuous activities while being sick it delays the healing process, so I try and keep that in mind and also use it as a crutch to be a couch potato for a little bit. Any who, I am back to myself and there is no better feeling than being 100% healthy- as in sick free!!! 

    I wanted to post some blogs, but the dread of having to face my flaws in typing also discourages me because I want to type so fast and get the blog in within a short amount of time, and yet somehow I always take up an enormous amount of time because I am constantly backspacing my errors away and that becomes so frustrating. I've literally tried both ways of typing methods where I only look down on the keyboard and type from memory then look up -- I used this method for quiet a while throughout my colleges years and it really didn't speed things up that much. In recent years, I've tried just memorizing where the letters on the keyboard are located and try to hit them as consistently as possible because I can't physically type the proper way with keeping the hands where they belong. I kind of just hover over the main areas and then skip and jump as I go along. Yeah, I know non of this information is relevant for you the precious audience, but I thought I'd share my struggle as a writer and a blogger!! 

    Now, to the juicy topic of the day-- online chatting in my lifetime! I first came to know it as an eleven year old girl while I was in my foster care family. There was this particular teenager that lived there and I gravitated towards like a big sister. She use to log in to her email msn account or some type of online platform and start chatting messages. I was amazed on how fast she did it and how she could communicate with so many people all at once. The fun icon notifications of a reply was so fascinating to me to watch. Back in the day -- early 2000 era -- you had these fun emoticons that moved like GIFs and that was like the coolest thing about chatting. The constant thrill of expecting a reply in the form of a cool emoticon and fun replies was so addictive. She would sometimes let me sit there alone while she went off to take a shower or use the bathroom -- in my naive mind and hopeless excitement I would attempt to keep up with the conversation while she was gone but I barely got in maybe a sentence or two. 

    When I finally had my own computer and dial-up internet for the very first time I was so excited to try my hand at online chatting I could not wait. Again, all the exact details of it are slightly blurred because this was so many years ago, but I do remember like the gist of it. I had an email account with Hotmail which  automatically created an MSN messenger profile as well. I logged in and I don't know how I connected with someone else online, but I started chatting with this guy from Egypt allegedly and he was of course all sweet and nice. I don't remember his name or age at the time (if any of it was even true) and I chatted for a while, but I don't know what happened in the conversation. It was a one time thing and I never chatted with him again, or at least I don't think I ever did. From then on I tried to stick to only contacts for a while. 

    Several years passed by and one day I ended up on some Christian theme group chat forum right when I was 19 years old. I again, thought I had found someone very cool and interesting to chat with. He was from Chile and he was 29 years old. He asked me for my name and I gave him my middle name instead and gave him my grandmom's last name instead of mine. I was skeptical of who he was and I was aware of safety concern so that is why I deviated from revealing all of my personal information. He seemed so excited when I described how I looked like that I too omitted the most pertinent physical aspect of me being a burn survivor. He begged me to keep in touch with him via email, so I told him to give me his email instead. I never wrote it down because in my mind I just wanted to have fun in the moment, but was not interested in nothing serious especially with someone ten years older than me who didn't even live in the country. For all I know he was probably looking for a green card and was willing to marry who ever to come to America. I do remember I randomly asked my mom that weekend, " What do you think of me marrying someone who is ten years older than me and she was like that's fine, it's not too much." I was like, wow, I can't believe she was actually okay with the idea and encouraging me that there was nothing wrong with that age gap difference. I guess back then in my own immaturity I felt like it was absolutely wrong. Now, I just prefer someone hopefully younger than me by only a few years -- like maybe four or five years younger than me only because I know wait for it: he has fresher sperm for baby making. MAJOR LOL. I know that is absolutely irrational because unlike us women, a man's sperm doesn't go bad that early in life like before 40 or maybe 50 it's still viable healthy sperm for making healthy babies. And considering I am already at the threshold, I'd figure combine my more mature eggs with fresh younger sperm to make up for the time difference. Major Lol. 

    Once the era of social media kicked in, it was a lot easier to find people to chat with because they were part of your Facebook friend's list and it made it convenient. When I finally had my own phone, I too endeavored in the apps with chatting features. During my early 20s, I chatted a lot and mainly it was like in a dating type of way -- like I was actively trying to find my partner through these dating apps which were like chatting forums. Apart from the actual dating ones, I did have a few meaningful conversations with certain people throughout the years like an online friend; however, they always fizzled out and we reached a no-pass zone where they couldn't agree with my point of view on a subject and that was the end of it. Most recently actually, I had an online friend who I connected with a lot and he even sent me audio messages and pictures and videos of his timeline like actual events. It was nice having someone to dish about my life with and know that he was actually listening to me and sharing his whereabouts as well. We didn't communicate that often but when we did it was nice hearing from someone in my age group. He didn't approve of my last stand on drinking and he felt I guess super offended that I didn't encourage him to go out and have a drink with his buddies. I simply explained I couldn't tell him to enjoy and have a good time, but I never like told him I band you from it or stop or I won't talk with you anymore. He literally stopped talking to me for over three to four weeks which was beyond the normal amount of time that usually lapsed between conversations. So obviously, I was upset and crushed to know it had happened yet again. I first blocked him from my Instagram account as to show him in retaliation for abandoning me with no explanation. Technically speaking, he knows about my famous hashtag #amilikey and he used to say he thought I was a great writer with my blogs, so I mean it's not like he doesn't have a way of contacting me and reaching out to me again if he really wanted to. Also, I did unblock him from IG again, because I was curious and wanted to know how he was doing. Every time, I think I found someone nice to be a friend to me-- like genuinely it epically fails in due time. I guess my only friend will be my future husband and that's it. Nobody tolerates me as a friend and I can't help but be my true self with my faith based standards. 

    Well, I guess that pretty much sums up the online chatting experience for me throughout the years. I made connections that were obviously just momentary and that brought nothing to my life. I hope out of all of those conversations, one of them will remember me and be reminded of God and find his way to salvation despite my lack of example as a believer. One last encounter I will never forget, a couple of years back when I was struggling to be employed, I had to much free time on my hands and I met this online guy on I believe Whisper -- the anonymous chat forum where people post random posts and then they chat with you individually. Unfortunately, it's filled with way to many annoying scammers posing as sugar daddies and sugar mommas so disturbing. Every now and then, it is possible to find a decent person who actually wants to have a conversation about something other than the rated R conversations. I want to say I posted something about one of my favorite movie actors Bruce Willis and how he is still pretty freaking hot as a male even this late in his life. Michael, there are so many Michael's in the world I don't see the harm in saying that much. He started chatting with me that night and the conversation evolved to a phone call per his request. At first, I was super hesitant because I was never into calling anyone -- I just like to chat online and that's it. He convinced me to call him, so I did and we literally spent the rest of the night talking on the phone. I had to obviously charge my phone during that maybe three to four hour span and he even took me on his trip to the gas station -- that part was kind of silly because when he used the bathroom he was like I'm going to put the phone down for a little bit while I pee. Major Lol. The part that was the most memorable to me was when he sang to me on the phone, he literally sang to me the song from Pocahontas because I told him that was my favorite Disney princess growing up. He had a really sexy voice and he could actually sing really well, so I was like mush all up in my feelings, blushing and elated that he had such a nice gesture with me a total stranger. After that night we kept in touch for a few more days and maybe had a another short phone call. Eventually, I can't remember why, but it fizzled out yet again and I was so bummed out. I felt like I truly connected with him and obviously he had sent me pictures of him and I was like wow he is really freaking cute too. I honestly in all disclosure saved his pictures and maybe once a year or two when I am going down memory lane I look at them. Obviously, he was never interested in me in that way and we talked so much about what we wanted for our futures that it also didn't make sense to even try anything because we just didn't align at all. I also do pray for him from time to time. I wouldn't mind getting to see him in person one day either. Major Lol. He probably forgot about me already, but it's just one of those stupid what ifs that you always daydream about. (Mostly just me) Alright, now I have revealed more than enough to elaborate on this fun topic. 

    All in all, " You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes" you have a purpose and a reason to live. Discover it in Jesus and allow Him to change your life for the better and give you things you never thought you needed or wanted. But above all just come to know what real love is and what true peace feels like no matter the circumstance. Thank you for reading this non-popular blog and make sure you subscribe, like, share and leave a comment/feedback!!! Ask questions if you even want too!!! 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana:) 

            

My cuteness & sexyness got me... #Amilikey

 

   Hey beautiful people, how are you all doing? I'm just here trying to seize the moment and add one more blog to my 50 quota goal for this year. I wish I could be a fast type writer, but unfortunately my hands are small and I just can't go faster than top 50 wpm. So sometimes I do become hesitant to typing up a good blog because I already know it's going to take me a minute as in a long time, and I also get slightly frustrated with the constant basic errors in typing the faster I go. In this moment, I'm actually utilizing my phone so I'm texting out this entire blog and it definitely helps a lot, but doesn't feel like the usual blogging vibe when I sit at my desk to type on the laptop. 

      Anyways, that was all nonrelevant info y'all didn't need to hear. Major Lol. Moving on to today's hot, juicy, spicy topic of the day: I am sexy and I know it!!! Major Lol. Yes, I was referencing that one song. I have a semi long list of bad past relationships which I have shared about 60% of all the stories. When I say relationships, it's not even like actual serious relationships either, the ones where the guy claimed you as his real girlfriend. Alright, so out of all the dreadful experiences with these guys, there definitely is one I've avoided talking too much detail about, because he and I lasted the longest in this non-serious relationship which started out as friends and progressed to friends with benefits towards the end. I nicknamed him RJ3 in my journaling, so that's how I'll reference him to preserve like always his identity. 

     I'll do my best to summarize the entire duration of our past relationship. So, it all began before I even remotely thought it could ever happen. Back in my teenage years, I attended my local hometown church which was mainly comprised of Hispanics not from South America as am I. One summer, a new family joined our church with a few youth of their own, and I first I was a bit hesitant to approach given their demeanor. I initially felt a physical attraction to one of the brothers and ended up going to high school with him and another brother. I tried to get close to him, but the gossip of me liking him blew up in my face and he never spoke to me again. Eventually he left and I moved on to another teenage crush. I made it to my freshman year in college, at this time Facebook was just beginning to get a lot of traction and popularity-- so I stumbled upon one of the brothers Facebook page. I had seen pictures of him and his wedding, so I genuinely just wanted to congratulate him. He and his other brother had a similar nickname, so I assumed I was messaging the brother who had gotten married, and since he didn't have a picture I just assumed. 

      A few days, passed by and I got a reply back to my surprise telling me it wasn't who I thought I had messaged, but RJ3 stating he was the other brother. RJ3 at first sounded so nice and humble --- I was so naive to his true character of manipulation. We chatted a few times until he asked me to meet up with him in person. At this point in my life, he didn't understand or realized I was still in my sheltered point of view and I literally was just beginning to experience some form of freedom. When I graduated high school and began community college, it was a drastic change for me in terms of having the freedom to choose when and where I would go. In high school, I never ever ventured out on my own, if I wasn't in school I was always with my family. So, when I got to college, it felt weird but also so nice to have the choice to go places unsupervised and without asking for permission ( I always still reported my whereabouts, but still it was all so new to me). Now, with that being explained, the thought of hanging out alone with a guy was terrifying to me and unexpected. Also, I was not completely oblivious to his past repertoire of bad behavior either. So, initially I automatically declined to meet up with him and he immediately stopped talking to me. 

      Again, several months pasted by from that initial interaction. It's important to mention he said, "You're the true definition of beautiful and I could fall in love with you" those were his words from the beginning. I of course didn't believe him for a second, but they did have some type of effect on me throughout the next couple of years. I suffered a severe mental illness in 2014 and at the end of the year right around stupid holiday season, I literally out of nowhere started to think about him and wanted to reach out to him desperately. So, I eventually contacted him and went to visit him for the very first time since we first chatted online years prior. I'll never forget that day, he came out of his room shirtless and said my name with a smile (more likely a smirk). RJ3 was worried his bike would get wet because it was about to start raining and in my head I'm thinking wow he is a Harley rider --- as in a motorcycle. It was an actual regular bike and I laughed inside. We spent the rest of the afternoon mainly just small talking, and of course he brought up my old crush on his brother. I reassured him it was all in the past, and I had no feelings for him now. Eventually we kept seeing each other, mainly me coming over his house probably 2 or 3 times a week, because at this time I wasn't working or in school. The highlight of this period between us was my very first ever physical touch from a guy. Before RJ3, I had never held hands with anyone, I had never ever remotely cuddled with anyone either. So these small physical gestures to him were nothing, but to me they were monumental and unreal. I had never been asked in school or college to dance, go out on a date, or even asked for my number-- so I always felt unwanted and rejected by men. In my stupid, naive, desperate mind, I genuinely thought, maybe he could fall into liking me since he is giving me this type of physical affection. 

     In full disclosure, I slept over his house one night, that's when the cuddling happened as we were watching a romantic movie on the couch just laying right next to him arms and leg wrapped around him. I still remember the damn movie, Safe Heaven by Juliette Huff the ballroom dancer. I never watched that movie ever again because it had that special memory. I honestly thought that night I'd loose my virginity for sure, and I even like suggested it would by body language but he knew I was a virgin and resisted the temptation. I was 24 years old by this time, and that physical contact did something to me I had no idea would lead to the actual jerk who stole my purity a few weeks later. Another few months passed by and we only contacted each other via messages. He had this crazy idea about us moving in together to try to move out of our parents house. He barely had a parttime job at this point and I didn't trust him with something so serious. 

     Unfortunately, I had one last episode of mental health in 2017 as I tried to take care of a family member without taking care of myself. Yet again, he was the first person I wanted to reach out to after I got better. At the beginning of 2018, I once again met up with him after almost three years of not seeing him. We again, started hanging out from time to time, I had been through so much at this point I began to be reckless. My inner frustration and longing for someone lead me to be course by his actions. RJ3 got me into social drinking, and that spiraled out of control pretty quickly and that lead me to joining a shelter for three months. I wanted to spend more time with him and he only enjoyed my company if we were going out to eat, drink or watch a movie. I struggled for about two years since that time on and off a few weeks in between with him. One night in 2018, after some drinks I was at his place and I basically offered myself to him and this time he didn't ignore me. That marked the beginning of our friends with benefits status. We never like talked about it in terms of like wanting to become that and it always happened spurradictly in the beginning. I always felt guilty and ashamed it happened. He would always acknowledge it was wrong too. I'd say towards the last year, it was more like an unspoken expected physical interaction. At one point, after taking birth control for a few weeks I had a pregnancy scare with him. His reaction was so hurtful, he said, " Well, maybe if it happens then people won't think I'm so shallow because I got you pregnant." It was like his only concern was how people would take it and how they would perceive him, and whether not they would make fun of him for getting me pregnant. I praise God for not allowing that to actually happen. A part of me was obviously excited about the idea of having a baby and becoming a mother, but I was also scared shitless because I knew I'd be doing it all alone with no real support from him. He didn't have a real job and his drinking was only getting worse. 

    At the very end of our relationship, I'm so thankful I finally put my foot down and told him I wasn't going to keep having sex with him just for the hell of it. He never cared about me, and he never even recognized me as his partner. He was always joking about it and making fun of getting serious. This one time on Valentines day, he grudgingly took me out to eat and paid for the movies. On our way to the movies, he said, " Wouldn't it be funny if I just jumped in front of this traffic in the middle of the road and proposed to you, ask you to marry me and get down on one knee?" I acted like it was all fun and games, but deep down it hurt me to know he never took me seriously. I know at the time, my feelings for him were from a place of loneliness and desperation. In my mind, what I called liking was really just a lustful infatuation to the most high degree. I admit I was hooked on this guy, because of our long history and interaction. Over the last two years, when we were on good terms, we'd literally spend so much time together doing so many different things. Our times playing basketball and going to the movies was so often it felt like normal. We even ended up working together a few times after he introduced me to day labor gigs. That is the reason I reference him as the closest thing I ever had to having a real relationship. One time, he brought it up saying, "You know sometimes you can be in a real relationship without saying it, like you already know but you just don't say it outloud." He always knew what to say, to give me a false sense of hope there could be something more serious between us. So many words and conversations were exchanged between us over the years, but it was always the same: he used me to fill a void in his life of boredom and when I cut him off from sex for good he moved on to the very first broken girl he met. He claimed he really liked her and actually called her his girlfriend, which to me was super hurtful because he never gave me that title, but he barely knew her for less than 24 hours and yet he wanted to date her. 

       I haven't seen him since his family's wedding I attended with him there back in 2020. I saw him from far away at the store one day, and I panicked instantaneously and swirved my shopping cart so fast to the next aisles to make sure I got away from him. That happened probably about six months ago I can't recall, but obviously that doesn't count. I genuinely don't hold any hard feelings for him, and no matter what I do those memories we share will never be erased. I pray for him by name from time to time, asking God to deliver Him and restore his life so he can stop "killing time" like he always said and start living life. I wouldn't be able to have another season of my life with him in it, even as real friends, because our friend zone had long died. After everything we lived through, it just doesn't feel right trying to establish a friendship and pretending like we didn't go through what we did. I accept his apology if he ever wants to have that closure/healing conversation with me, but apart from that there's no future for us of any kind. 

    So my cuteness and sexyness lead me to a whole lot of brokenness and heartache. RJ3 remains at the top of my list for people who had a deep impact on my life and who will forever have a sliver of my heart. I always shared my blogs and YouTube videos with him, but as per usual he just made fun of me and never cared for my content. Sometimes I do wonder if he ever reads them or watches my videos, but again why does that even matter? It absolutely doesn't at all. It's just a dumb curiosity of mine. I have to say I am happy that I'm not reminded of him as much as I use to be which is nice, because a lot of things reminded me of him--- especially places I still go to. One final pivotal disclosure, my common phrase I mention at the end of all my blogs, is actually originated because of him. I would always encourage him to do better and to see his potential, so I literally told him one day, " You are not a mistake because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes." I don't say it to keep his memory alive, but to also encourage others and remind them no matter how many times you've failed in life, God has a plan and purpose for you being here!!!! That was my most deepest personal blog, but I don't want to hold back on moving forward and talking about it helps heal my heart. Till next time remember to like, share, subscribe and comment!!!! Follow #amilikey on all your social media too!!!! 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana ;) 

Basketball 🏀 and Me #amilikey

    

         

Hey true ballers!!!! So I'm currently blogging from my wifi phone because I'm too sore to sit down on my desktop chair and blog on the laptop. I most definitely overdid my little workout adventure, because walking 20,000 steps in one afternoon is brutal. Anyways, as I lay here in the comfort of my bed with the NBA Sunday showcase on ABC Channel, it inspired me to blog about my love for basketball. 

      So it all started when I was just eleven years old, as I was staying with my foster family-- uncle Luis introduced me to NBA basketball and I was in aweee. It was the very first time I'd ever seen the NBA and when I saw my boy Kobe on the court I was like wow this game is amazing. Those buzzer beater games were so epic and I was hooked forever. I remember staying up on school nights till almost midnight just to make sure I got too see the end of the game. After I left the foster home, I still kept up with my new favorite sport at least when the playoffs and finals were shown on abc network. 

      I watched it with my mom, I actually didn't know my mom had played basketball with my uncle and neighbors too when I was like a kid. Also, back in fifth grade during recess I'd go and shoot some hoops mainly to be closer to my then crush Isaiah but I did enjoy playing basketball. Throughout both middle school and high school, it was the one thing I loved and looked forward to doing in P.E. I shot hoops usually on my own, but the one time I actually played three on three I made a basket from the side free throw line. It was so nice and unfortunately the game didn't last long, but I was so happy I actually made a shot in the moment. 

       Ironically, my former FWBs both also loved to shoot hoops. One was actually a little white Kobe himself; he actually had mad skills and I saw him play up against taller guys and still scored on them. He really loved basketball, but let his short stature get to his head and he never overcame the disappointment of not being chosen because of it. I remember going to shoot hoops with RJ3 on several occasions and this one time I actually made a layup on him and it felt so good. He always distracted me when he took off his shirt, he knew he looked good and wanted to flaunt his abs at me. I asked him to play around the world, but he refused because it was an easy game. Neither one really cared about the NBA, but I have always enjoyed both the professional games and physically being out there on the court. 

         One time, during class in college a classmate overheard me and another classmate talk about basketball players, and she was like y'all should just marry a basketball player. I know it was just one random example, but it goes to show just how much I love it and enjoy it genuinely. Again, my mom's liking of the sport was also true in that when they were having the Olympics in China --- my mom stayed up until 4am to watch the USA basketball team against Spain. I was like a junior in high school, and I couldn't stay awake for the game, but my mom was just so into it. Of course the USA won the gold medal that year and I was like wow we couldn't seal the deal since I was rooting for my people in Spain. 

         An insider exclusive here I'd like to share, I'd like to get a basketball tattoo with my favorite teams. One day, I'll be able to flaunt it. Alright, well I'll let y'all get back to your itinerary schedules and thank you for taking these few minutes to read my humble blog. Of course I leave you with the most important reminder: " You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes." Allow God to heal your brokenness and restore your life to fulfill your life's purpose. Jesus is your true MVP don't forget that!!!! Feel free to like, share, comment, and subscribe too !!!!! 

Love,

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

 

While I was sleeping in my Zzzz #amilikey

     Hey you'll, how is it going? I am feeling much better, because apparently my allergies wanted to act up this week and I had to miss work too. Anyhow, I am feeling much, much better and that is all that matters. My paycheck next time won't be complete because I know I don't have enough hours to cover my missed days, but like my mom always says "The Lord shall provide". I just have to budget accordingly and not be wasteful at all -- so no cravings or wants -- just focus on needs. 

    I have 45 blogs to go to meet this year's quota for blogs in 2024. I wasn't even sure what to talk about, but I think this one will be short, sweet, and entertaining. My creativity is not one hundred right now, but I will try my best to capture your heart at least for a few minutes. So, like I titled this blog -- while I was sleeping (good Sandra Bullock movie btw fyi) I have dreams just like everyone else. I have dreams that always leave me with the question mark -- what did that actually mean? I always question was it a message from God or a overload of my neurons that desperately keep thinking of the same thing. For example, the most common brain dreams that happen when you go to bed hungry - you dream about food or when you have to wake up to urinate you dream that you have to go to the bathroom. 

    Dreams are bittersweet because sometimes they feel so real when you wake up it is such a disappointment to know it didn't actually happen, but it was just a dream. I had this one particular dream about a few months ago -- can't recall exactly how long ago, but it was very sweet and I can't forget and I don't want to forget it. 

    I was in a group setting with a lot of other youth and one particular handsome gentleman. In my dream, I was sitting next to him anxiously asking him to confide in me something he had mentioned he wanted to tell me. I asked him one more time, go ahead tell me what you wanted to tell me, but he just said not now. I was like really, I got up and walked away. He actually ran after me and called me by my name and maybe grabbed my arm pulled me in towards him. He whispered in my ear "We had a kinetic connection back there". I literally, woke up and googled that term - no lie. I smiled and then wrapped by arms around him and hugged him tightly. In the dream, it was like an unspoken moment of I want to kiss you too, but we both said not now, not here while the youth is watching us. So I said goodbye with another hug and walked away. 

    There you have it, that was my big sentimental dream about a youth pastor who said we had a kinetic connection and hugged me twice. I kept thinking maybe it was like a foreshadow of who my future husband could be and that he might be a youth pastor. I just knew I felt so honored to have someone come after me and tell me we had a connection "kinetic" and almost kissed me. So, in conclusion, I don't know what that dream means at all, but it definitely gave me butterflies for sure. Most likely the only reason I had that dream was because I am constantly thinking about that subject and I guess my brain is trying to console me or give me something to think about -- I don't know. I do in full disclosure ask God to reveal His plan for me and show me who my future partner is in my dreams. We no longer have the prophets of the old testament that had like an incredible direct line access to God 24/7 who could just ask him anything and get an immediate response. So as a believer it feels like it's the easiest way for God to tell us something through our dreams. Also, sometimes I do envy those times, because obviously life was so much more simple and it was harder to sin and easier to be closer to God without all these distractions and obligations. 

    Alright, the point is I hate not knowing for sure what some of my dreams mean and what the Lord is trying to tell me, but I will keep pressing on to get closer to Him and have a better understanding. Wish there was a Joseph to interpret my dreams like he did with pharaoh; speaking of Joseph the Netflix movie Journey to Bethlehem -- has a very nice looking Joseph actor. Major Lol. I know, I know he is way too young for me and obviously I was super bummed out when I found out. I gave you a random insider of what I thought about him and he does sing very well too. Okay, let me wrap this up before I keep rambling on with more insiders nobody cares about. 

    Now all in unison, "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes." I hope at the very least this blog encouraged you is some way and provided a smile or two. Perhaps even a genuine laugh too. Remember to subscribe, like, share, and give me a comment/feedback. 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

Use #amilikey on all your social media for more!!!

   

Spa Day #Amilikey

 

    Greetings beloved bloggers of mine I am once again on here to share my wonderful life experiences as I go along this journey called my vida (life). I am so grateful to still have one more day to rest and recover, because ironically all the fun activities I had planned wore me out. Major Lol. I know it doesn't quiet make sense but it  really happened that way for me and my favorite trio( my mom and brother). So one of the highlights from my birthday was getting to experience going to a spa for a day. I had never in 34 years of life been to spa or had a professional massage. 

    As per usual, I got there early to ensure I didn't miss my scheduled time slot and I filled out the pre-massage screening questionnaire. It was not crowded at all and the ambience was very serene to the point I was like "is there anybody here?" I definitely was feeling a little nervous because I didn't know what to expect and I knew I had to take off my clothes for the massage. He gave me the instructions and I obviously kept my panties on because there was no need to remove those. I wasn't expecting the bed to be connected to a heater so it was very warm and at the end I was like maybe not so much heat is necessary. It totally felt weird to have a stranger male massage my back and lower back for sure. I didn't know if I should compliment his technique or ask for more pressure without criticizing his work. The most awkward and uncomfortable moment was when he was massaging my hands and he like put his fingers in between mine almost as if he were holding my hand. I know that sounds silly, but it really felt so weird and I just was like ugh I don't really like that at all or enjoy you doing that. To me it just felt super weird and it reminds me of like a romantic gesture when you hold hands with your fingers in between your partner. 

    He was very respectful and super quiet the whole time. I think he was scared to hurt me because of my scars and he didn't apply much pressure for those same reasons. I know I also requested medium pressure because I didn't know how much pressure intense pressure could be and I wanted to be on the safe side. Overall, the massage could have used more pressure and focused more on my shoulders and lower back, but it was my first time so I didn't know what to expect. The second part of my spa day consisted of a facial massage. I was very pleased with this one because it felt super relaxing and she was so friendly and chatty. She used the most basic and soft products on my face to ensure it wasn't too rough on my skin and it totally worked. I was thrilled to have a facial massage and I definitely would want another one of those anytime for sure. I already have my eye on a back facial because I know that will feel incredible. 

    The spa I selected was very small, but they were all very friendly and made me feel welcomed. I ended my spa day with a nice pedicure with the same lady who did my facial so that was also nice to be able to keep chatting while I was getting my toes done. Speaking of finding a good nail salon, I think I finally find one and I know I can definitely talk to them in English without having a hard time guessing what they are saying or if they're talking about me. I am so ready to book me another spa day of at least one treatment, because it is really nice to treat yourself and make sure you get rewarded for being a good citizen and working hard in life. However, I'd trade all the spa days just to have my future husband give me a good rub down with a happy ending of course. Major triple Lol. I mean hence the word husband of course. His hands would feel better than any hot towels, his voice would be better than any instrumental music, and his presence would be better than any fancy spa gesture like sparkling water in a glass. 

    Alright, there you have my spa day experience details on how that went down. I look forward to more rewards from me to myself, until my man comes along or even real friends who'd like to give me a treat. As always, " You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes." Keep believing for a better future for yourself and allow the love of Christ to engulf all your being. Like, share, comment, and remember to check out my videos on my YouTube channel as well!!! Just use the #amilikey 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

      

Chapter 34 begins now !! #Amilikey

     

        Good day everyone I have the most exciting news the world has ever heard and yes it is the most important day of the year aka my birthday!!! Major Lol. I know it was a bit much but than again we are talking about me so I am a bit much, never a dull moment in my presence. I am so grateful to be able to celebrate this new chapter in my life called thirty-four and to know that I already have so many amazing goals to accomplish is wonderful. I look forward to experiencing new things like activities I've never done like having a spa day. Yes, that is correct in all my life I have never had the privilege of going to a spa. Long and behold that will change as soon as Monday arrives and that is super exciting to me to get to do finally. I also can't wait to attend this indoors theme park in town. And to wrap it up with a lovely beach day on Wednesday.     

        I know again looking back on previous years it hurts to realize just how much precious time you wasted with doing stupid things and being around the wrong crowd just to feel a sense of belonging and appreciation. Today, as a thirty-four year old woman, I can say I am mature enough to handle my adult decisions that I once took for granted and was bluntly irresponsible with over and over. I am no longer chasing after the approval of a man to make me feel wanted and loved. My mistakes have stayed in the past and I no longer dwell on the error that once was and will never be again. This new chapter that starts today will be better than last years because I am growing as a person and my strengths only get stronger as my weaknesses lessen more and more. No, that does not mean I am without fault or I am better than others, but in my own journey it means I have learned to let go and truly move on. 

    I may not belong to a social group or have a friend to hangout with or socialize with, but my priorities are straight and my purpose is secure in knowing I am pursuing my faith in Jesus. I blog about a lot of things, but the core of everything I have been through and experienced always points back to my savior Jesus. And let's just say it how it is -- it is because of this same reason people are hesitant to subscribe to my blog and my YouTube channel. They know I am a believer in Christ and all I do is to bring Glory and Honor to His name. I am not about religion, but about sharing the truth of the gospel which saved me time and time again. God is my reason for living, because I say it with joy but also with pain to know I've reached yet another year without my husband or kids. I long for those monumental milestones in my life to happen, but nevertheless will I keep living. The Lord is the only one who gives me the strength to endure the pain of not having them in my life yet, while other people bask in the joy of having a family of their own. Sharing family vacations with their spouse and children. 

        I know the Lord's timing is perfect, but when you're in the waiting season it always feels like it isn't fast enough and it just plainly hurts to be left out of all these beautiful life moments people expect to experience at a certain age-- my age. I do pray for him all the time and when I lay in bed to go to sleep I just rearrange the pillows and say one night closer to meeting you baby. It's like  a small phrase I say to console myself of knowing I have to sleep alone without my partner, because I do not yet have one. Well, that was some inner tea I wasn't expecting to share, but there you have it now. I won't take too much time, but just know I am super happy to celebrate another year of life and to continue living to my very best. Remember to checkout my Instagram for more great content and actual fun pictures and videos. You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes. You have a purpose and a life to be lived with all of its' baggage. Thank you for reading my humble blog and remember to like, share, subscribe, leave a comment too!!!

Love, 

Xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :)

My Concerts #Amilikey

     

    Hi beloved bloggers of mine!!! So today's topic of discussion will be devoted to the concerts I have attended over the past few years. I started going to my very 1st concert back in 2019 at the Winter Jam at Amalie Arena in downtown Tampa. I was so amazed on how it felt to feel the beat on your chest, because of course the volume is loud enough to feel it on your body. At first, I was a bit startled and then I got used to it and started singing at the top of my lungs alongside everyone else. 

    It felt so good because I knew the majority of the songs and the artist so that was really nice too. I went with two other sisters in Christ that time so I felt really good being in a group setting. I then had the courage to attend the following year by myself and also enjoyed it. Unfortunately, the venue had changed locations from previous years so I was unable to attend the third year. After that I honestly was discouraged to attend and stopped going for a while until this year. 

    I hadn't really thought much about it because also going alone all the time to events gets tiring especially when you see everyone else go with their family and friends. Somehow, by divine intervention after inviting my mom to attend with me she finally decided to join me and that made me so happy I almost couldn't believe it. I took the day off of work in advance as a PDO day and was able to enjoy that annual Winter Jam concert with my mom and brother for the first time. She said she was willing to accompany me because this year the venue happened to be even closer than their usual location. Also, there was one of her favorite artist performing that night, so that was really cool to see her enjoy that moment. We sat all the way up to the top because every other seat was already taken and my brother couldn't be too close either to protect his hearing condition. 

    I of course knew most of the songs, so by the end of the concert I literally couldn't talk much because my voice was almost gone from all the singing. Major Lol. I love going to concerts, but I am hesitant when I know I have to go by myself. I try my very best not to let that get to me and keep me from enjoying the things I love to do. I did attend another concert from a solo artist last year on my own and that was also nice, because he was an artist I had listened to his new album right before the concert and was able to sing along. Again, there were those awkward moments when they said tell your neighbor this and that; place your arms around each other and lets embrace this song. 

    Full disclosure, I also always think maybe just maybe this will be the event I get to meet my Mr. Right and it will be a wonderful first time meeting you story-- but nope that never happens at these events. I literally had to sit next to this younger guy who I didn't say much other than hi. I waited patiently until the concert was about to start to ensure I wasn't taking anyone's seat and when I saw the lights dim I jumped up and sat two rows down where there were a few empty seats. I like being able to lift my hands in praise as I sing the beautiful worship songs and move around and he was just way too close and crowding my space. I am 100% sure he also felt relieved to know he now had more space to himself. Sitting next to people you don't know is also super awkward and annoying when you are trying to enjoy something by yourself. Any who, those are the few memories I have when attending concerts in my vida (life). I honestly wasn't feeling too inspired to blog today, but I want to keep up with the consistent component and aspect of being a blogger and sticking to my goals/commitments (also a way to practice and better my typing skills which are not as great as I'd like because I always mess up after like every five words or so and it drives me bananas and I don't appreciate that). I do have small fingers, so I can't keep my fingers on the designated keys that you are supposed to use when typing in a professional manner. Also, the same reason I am a terrible keyboard player and piano player if I ever play a few notes which I only learned maybe one song if that. 

    Alright, I have to wrap this baby up because I got to get ready for work and you know how that goes for us women -- there is a whole lot of things we have to ensure are done before we walk out the door (hair, make-up, pack our purses, etc.) Lastly, I always tell myself I am not going to share the link on my social media because it is an even greater discouragement to see that even with the link provided no one barely takes the time to view and read my humble blog --especially when you expect the support of your family and social media followers. It's sad to know the strangers online are the few that stumble across my blog from time to time. Well, I try my best to support others and their projects but it is never reciprocated in the same way -- like taking maybe top ten minutes to read this blog is so hard for them. So, have a great day and remember there is more content for your enjoyment using the one and only hashtag #amilikey on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube and even weird new Twitter that has that ugly X new symbol. "You are not a mistake because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes, you have a purpose in life." 

Thank you and remember to subscribe, like, share, and comment some feedback!!!!

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

      

Writing Notes/Letters #Amilikey

     Hello beautiful bloggers of mine!!!!! I just wanted to pop back on here to do what I love to do best. Share my most inner thoughts and ideas about concepts I've lived through and experienced in the flesh. Major Lol. Back in middle school, about eighteen years ago I was writing notes and passing them along to my then temporary besties. It was the main form of communication before the social media era took off and the cellphones texting phenomenon launched. 

    I remember getting so excited to hand out my notes and letters to my besties and also to receive a reply letter. None except one bestie really lasted for months on end -- to the point where we created a notebook that we exchanged almost daily back and forth at the end of the day. We mainly chit chatted about the boy drama that was going on in our small group of peers and also about our families drama as well. We also summarized our interaction highlights that occurred during each class throughout the day. 

    Apart from the regular common notes between close friends, there were also the few occasions that I was stupid enough to write boys I liked notes too. Looking back on it -- it was super embarrassing trying to explain myself to these immature boys of how I felt and how I liked them. I did it several times too, so it wasn't like a one time thing either. I never gave them the note or short letter in person myself (obviously) but always bribed or begged a friend to hand them the note for me. One time, the guy was so annoyed he barely wanted to read it and said something like "that ugly b****, monster, or devil" I can't recall the exact phrase but he used very derogatory language to reference me and it really hurt. 

    Another wild example of when I really was crushing on this one six grader that had left he school but had come back just to participate in the nature 6th grade field trip of three consecutive days: I wrote a small note saying something along the lines of " I think you are really cute" and I think I omitted my name and put it inside his lunch bag. To my utter demise, he wasn't the one who found the little note but one of his buddies that had looked inside his lunch bag and then had the audacity to read it out loud and started laughing. I can't remember exactly how it happened, but I happened to look back where they were seated and I guess they figured out it was my handwriting or I started smiling and then I admitted to it -- something like that. I wanted to crawl under my seat and regretted putting the note inside his lunch bag instead of just giving it to him maybe when there was nobody watching or something. I felt like a fool and getting his "ewww" reaction towards me always hurt too. 

    I hated admitting who I liked in school, because I knew the minute they knew I liked them, they immediately saw me in even more dislike than ever before and also with a disgusted attitude. If I had established the regular classmate interaction, you could say goodbye to that instantaneously. I always knew from the start that no good-looking guy would ever remotely like me or even consider me as a future girlfriend, but I still couldn't help but choose the pretty baby face guys all the time. Any who, I got a little side tracked, but it definitely was a weakness of mine to write people notes and letters growing up in school. I still have maybe a handful of them and mostly the birthday cards/cards throughout the years I've gotten in a box. I also have to admit, even in my adult years -- there have been occasions where I also wrote guys letters and notes with a picture of me (like they really cared-- not). I just love writing and I always found it such a heart-warming way to express your affection for someone then through a handwritten letter/note. Last sad example, my fake former best friend -- the one I spent years trying to connect with and bond with wrote me on a school money pink piece of paper a small note only one time. In the beginning, I used to write him notes frequently just updating him on my boy drama and school whereabouts because most of the times we saw each other at church we never had time to talk. 

    In every note, I would desperately request that he would reply back and I guess I annoyed him enough times that he thought writing that lame note on that pink school money would shut me up. At first, I was super excited to know he had finally replied back to me and then when I saw the small piece of paper and the things he wrote on it -- I was so disappointed and bumped that he couldn't even write me on a decent white piece of paper, but asked my other fake friend for it. I was so pathetic that I kept that stupid piece of paper in my purse for years even after he had abandoned me and lost contact with me. I kept it throughout high school and probably until I went into my junior year in college. It was the one thing I held onto because it was almost like I didn't want to let go of him. I probably read it once a month or whenever I switched purses or wallets. He wrote something like " Hola Milena, I never knew there was such a weird name out there. I hope you enjoy it enough to make you smile. I ran out of space but S.S.J.L.Y". The last letters were the phrase I would always write to him in each note which meant -- Smile Silly Jesus Loves You. 

        Okay, so that was a lot of in depth deep drama trauma from my childhood, teenage and adulthood. Major Lol. I lowkey also wrote my future husband a letter in my journal about two years ago now maybe more, but it's probably the hardest letter I've ever written in my life especially because I don't have that 100% guarantee that it will actually happen for me as much as I want it. In full disclosure, I constantly battle in my mind about this concept, because I overanalyze it. On one side, I question -- could there ever be a real man of God to see me for me and genuinely find me attractive with my scars(as in he finds them exotic and not just well I guess I'll just deal with them). I look back at all the times I've been around all types of men as in social classes and races and none have ever remotely been interested in me not even as a friend. All my interactions and horrifying experiences have always been with the low end of the pool with a bunch of sorry-losers who were prying on my desperation to find someone. Also, I question if I even deserve to be chosen by such a great man, when someone as sweet and loving as my mother never got rewarded with a great man either. I know we are not to compare ourselves to anyone, but I messed up more in my walk with Christ than my mom did and if she didn't mess up like I did and she still got a crappie partner then what could I possibly hope for after I deliberately had a long period of backsliding. I know that's not how it works, because God is a God of forgiveness and redemption, but I do question it and think about all of it. Lastly, I know we have to have faith in the things we ask of God, but I also know His perfect will in the end is the last say and if that's not His plan for my life I can't change anything. 

    In twenty days from now, I will be officially thirty-four years old and that will be bittersweet because I am happy to celebrate another beautiful year of life, but also it is a heart-breaking reminder of how I am yet to be married and have children. I also know I am not like in this moment ready to say I do, because I am not financially ready and obviously from all this blogging got emotional scars to be healed too. However, it wouldn't hurt to at least have my future husband in my life as a friend at least. And before you say, well maybe he is already in your life as a friend and you just don't know it yet. Nope, absolutely no! I have zero friends right now and that is the ultimate truth. All I have is former classmates, brothers/sisters in Christ (which I never socialize with outside of church), coworkers, and social media followers. 

    Well, that was deeper than I expected to get into, but apparently I needed to say it out loud. I share these things to show my vulnerability, but also to prove my credibility with being genuine and real about the things I talk about. I clearly don't have it all together, but I do press forward hoping for a greater future and more success to give God Praise for again and again. No matter what my God is a Good God and even though it is hard to understand His ways sometimes in our humanity, I rather be confused about understanding the why of certain things than have no hope in knowing one day I will understand the why of His plan. Okay let me let you go now, I am sure you've been more than enlightened and entertained and now it is time to get back to work. Thank you for reading my humble blog and remember "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes and you have a purpose in life."

    Feel free to subscribe, like, repost, share and comment a feedback!!!! For more great content use the one and only #amilikey on all your social media. 

Love, 

Xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

 

Recap 2023 in 2024 #Amilikey

     Good Evening beautiful bloggers of mine!!!! I have official started the new year with my first blog entry recapping the highlights of last year. I presume everyone is well and able to enjoy this very first piece of delightful writing. I hope to increase all my numbers by 3x as much as last year's stats. I currently have three humbling subscribers and I hope to have at least nine or more by the end of this year. If you haven't officially subscribed to my blog-- and you are a frequent flyer in this space -- do subscribe!!! It takes just a few clicks here and there and no monthly fees necessary. 

    I had a blast in 2023, with wonderful new experiences such as the dolphin tour boat ride in Clearwater for my birthday celebration. I ate new culinary items like the grilled octopus by the beach -- also in Clearwater. Major Lol. One of the most important highlights was changing employers -- one who offers better pay and hours. I delighted myself by being able to go to the beach more times than in all past years. I also accomplished another goal I had set out to prove for a long time in regards to my commitment in the same workplace. Before my previous employer, my workforce timeline appeared a bit frazzled and fragmented due to unwavering circumstances. I was only able to work for a few months at a time in four other companies minus the multiple weeks of day labor in several agencies. So, people questioned my commitment and loyalty to work for one employer at a time. 

    They did not think I was capable of having stability in the workplace, but all the previous resignations were under a valid cause and personal circumstance. I showed my former employer that I was able to sustain employability for more than a few months at a time. I remained loyal and dedicated for a whole 24 consecutive months. If the former employer, had valued me as an employee I'd still be with them, but corporate greed and personal preferences never allowed them to see clearly. For me -- reaching that two year work anniversary was fundamental -- proving that I can be a consistent and reliable worker was a benchmark I had been longing to showcase everyone who doubted me and my work ability. I think if I could tally the amount of hours worked there it must have been on average a total of almost 4,200 hours in the span of two years if not more. 

    In essence fixing my resume's timeline, was a top priority for me as a hard-working civilian. The notion that I couldn't hold on to a job was absolutely gut-wrenching to hear, because I knew that it wasn't for lack of work ethic or capabilities to do a job well enough for a long period of time. I am forever grateful that they allowed me that opportunity even if they never appreciated it. Now, as I continue to explore my medical field options and growth -- I am happy to know I can remain with the same employer I have now and just change my role as an employee without losing the accrued time. I look forward to continuing my journey in the medical field one step at a time, but working with such flexible schedules allows me to dream big and push forward to what's next academically. 

    Another wonderful highlight in 2023, was my amateur running in 5K races both in April and in June. They were both locally, but left an amazing sense of satisfaction knowing with each race I improved on my times and gained even more confidence in my ability to perform better. I look forward to continuing that fitness journey as well and keep getting that 5K to my best time possible. One day not too far from now, I'd like to be able to continue my running in other places outside my district. I will never really medal 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place in my age range because there is too much competition and super athletic women who have long legs, but knowing that I can still beat other people in different age groups still feels incredible. For example, in my professional photograph of my finishing first race you can see in the background a taller more muscular fit woman who I clearly surpassed by a few seconds. I am not presuming or showing off, but I do deserve credit for pushing through the heat and exhaustion to beat someone better built than me. 

    Running for me is very special, because it makes me appreciate the scars that cover my legs and how they are still able to perform races with healthier scarless people physically. What I once was afraid to showcase because I was embarrassed -- has now become such an empowering feeling of freedom and I can attitude!!! My legs are scarred but they are so strong and powerful enough to endure 3.1 miles nonstop. Of course throughout the race I feel the pain of any normal physical endurance, but I press forward knowing I am doing it to bring Glory and Honor to my God who saved me and healed me from my almost fatal accident now 31 years ago. I pray from here on out there will be warmed temperatures so I can restart my training for my annual April 5K race. I like to race outdoors when I train because running on a treadmill is just not the same. 

    Alright, I believe I covered the most important highlights of last year with cute little insiders too. Lastly, I want to see if I made at least one blog goal I had mentioned in previous blogs to post on a consistent basis to add up to more than the previous year. Answer: I did!!! Okay, so technically I had made a commitment to post once a week so that is a total of 4 blogs per month. In this part of my goal, I did not sustain completion. I posted less than four post per month after my hot month in September which I had found a temporary trend. I know I should be bolder about improving this blog content by increasing its output, so here on January 21st 2024 Sunday: I want to set a goal to post 50 blog post in 2024. On average that would require for me to post 4 to 5 post per month. It really isn't an unreasonable goal to attain and maintain. I still have so many unexplored topics I'd like to shed light on and bring enlightenment to as well from a well-rounded/faith based persona. In 2018, I had a total of 30 blog post and that was one of my most reckless years so clearly it is possible to discipline myself to maintain a consistent blogging ethic. 

    As I grow as a blogger, I will also improve in all other areas of my life, because it shows I can construct a game plan and execute without blemishes. So as per usual, please remember "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes." You are here for a purpose and a lifetime plan that will be revealed to you as soon as you give Jesus a chance to enter your vida (life)!!!! 

Till then stay safe and never give up on life no matter the constant hardships and disappointments that come your way. Make sure you leave a comment, feedback is always welcomed and encouraged and much much more appreciated. Remember to check out my Instagram, Twitter, and YouTube channel with the one and only favorite #Amilikey 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)