Becoming a bilingual person #Amilikey

 

Dear Bloggers of mine, hello once again I am here to share with you some amazing insights into my vida. That is correct you heard it first here and now. Vida is Spanish for life, I know I don’t have the large audience I’d like to have but regardless of my nonexistent fan base— I will continue to have a voice and a platform via my blogging. My drive always comes back to motivating and inspiring people to overcome their circumstances no matter the hardship with positivity and God’s unconditional love. 

         One of the topics I hold extra dear to my heart has always been my heritage as a Latina women. No one knows how hard it is to integrate into a culture that is the complete opposite of where you grew up in other than immigrants. The language barrier is one of the most challenging parts of transitioning from living in your home country into foreign territory. I was fortunate enough to have been able to come to the states when I was just a little girl. In the beginning, it is true I hated being here because I felt isolated not knowing how to speak the language and being able to communicate with people. As a first grader in school, all I could do is imitate what the other kids did in class. If they picked up a pencil, I looked for a pencil and if they colored the assignment sheet a certain way I did the exact, because I had no idea what I was suppose to do ever. As time passed by, little by little I picked up the words to associate with their meaning until I could create small sentences. I remember not having any help at school or at home to further assist me in my learning of another language and it was hard. As the years progressed, I gained new vocabulary and I was able to freely communicate with my peers without so much trouble. 

For those of you who don’t know my story I came to America for my medical treatment of burn care in mainly plastic surgery through lots of Z plasty interventions. So there was a two year gap in my treatment where I was living in Colombia and I hadn’t come back to the states in that time frame. When I did come back, I hadn’t spoken English in two years at the age of eleven and I was so surprised to see how easily it was for me to pick up the language all over again. I reintegrated into the school system with ease and only had to attend an ESOL class for 30 minutes once a week for about 6 to 8 weeks maybe. I remember I enjoyed going to this class with other Spanish natives, because we always got snacks at the end of our sessions. One day the teacher pulled me aside and informed me I was no longer to be there, because my English was up to part and I didn’t need anymore assistance in the language learning. I was so sad and upset I no longer was allowed to go with them to these sessions, but it also proved that I was a fast learner. 

My educational history is extensive quiet frankly because I discovered my true passion in life a bit late, so I’m not here to summary my educational experience, but shed light into the part of me that dealt with the language barrier as a Hispanic. I always knew Spanish would always be my first language even if I was fluent in English. I believe that I hesitated a lot of the time to express myself in class — because I didn’t want to be judged on my way of expressing myself in verbiage context. Even though I grew up going to school in America, there was always those awkward occasions when people would mention phrases that didn’t make any sense to me or used words I’d never heard before — it was those instances I felt frustrated not knowing the American lingo. 

As a thirty three year old, now I can confidently say I don’t have that language barrier I once had as a kid, but very rarely to this day — I do hear random things I find confusing and intriguing because they’re still new to me. My main point is that becoming a bilingual person did not come easy to me and it took a lot of hard work to fully grasp the English language that most Americans use on a day to day affairs. It was easier to learn as a child, but it still required a lot initiative in my part and effort to build and maintain my acquired terminology. So, I understand when a Spanish person feels neglected and discriminated for not being able to communicate effectively or at all with others. Throughout the years, many people have questioned the validity of my heritage because I don’t speak English with an accent. I’m more than grateful to have mastered the tone of speaking English without automatically sounding like a foreigner. I feel more blended into the American culture and that’s a good feeling because being singled out is not fun at all. Also given the fact of my unique appearance, it’s nice to have something in common with the majority. 

Moral of the story is to be more welcoming of those who haven’t mastered the language or who will never be able to do so either because of personal limitations or impediments. I love foreigners because obviously I am one and as a Colombian- American, I can relate to them all and I enjoy the challenge of understanding what they’re saying. One coworker once asked me, “ Are you B C ?” and I had to really take a moment to decipher it and then I was like — why would I be B C and as I thought more and more about it I finally got it. They were trying to say, “Are you busy?” Major Lol. I was like ohhh okay now that makes more sense. 

Overall, immigrants are always looked down upon because of the stereotypical things that have tainted our reputation like terrorism or drug trafficking/kidnapping, etc. However, the true majority of foreigners truly have come with the intention of working hard and integrating ourselves into the American culture as best as we can. To be able to contribute something productive and meaningful to society while making a beautiful life for ourselves. So I hear the necessity for having bilingual people not just of Spanish speaking but of all other languages across the world. As a bilingual person myself, I support other immigrants and I truly strive to help them out any chance I’ve been given to translate for them. Remember to embrace the language barrier someone might have and do whatever you can to help them better communicate. 

For now I leave you with this so powerful and true statement, “ You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He doesn’t make mistakes. You have a purpose to fulfill!” Allow God to step into your life and make it the beautiful masterpiece only He knows how to do. We want answers and only He can provide them. As always thank you for taking the time to read this humble blog. It doesn’t hurt to share, like, comment and follow either. For more great updates and content on your one and only Ana just use the #amilikey on all your social media. 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

Stop Lying To Yourself!! #Amilikey

     

     Greetings beloved bloggers once again I am here to share some in-depth truth from my own journeys. I know every time I tell myself, "You have to just push through all the negativity and believe in better days to come" is easier said than done. I have lied to myself more times than I'd like to admit it is a true statement. I look back and want to shake myself vigorously for allowing such lies to be told to me by me over and over again. I know it is inevitable to lie to someone else because it is in our own human nature and if anyone says they have never lied or tell lies -- that is the first lie. The majority of the time people lie to one another to spare their feelings or to hide something valuable like a surprise party. So, if we can control the one person who we lie to -- it should be ourselves! 

        Why is this so important? We create our own emotional toils and if we can stand on our true self without sugar coating the reality we live in then we will be better off. For instance, when we stand in front of the mirror, we either accept ourselves as we are with flaws and all or ignore the flaws and pretend everything is fine. It is one thing to acknowledge your weaknesses and another to want to do something about them to lessen them or eliminate them altogether if it possible. Overweight people tend to constantly lie to themselves to avoid the underlining cause of their inability to self control their food consumption. They now say, " I am just a thick woman", versus admitting you are unhealthy and you are physically causing yourself ailments that are preventable. The lies are not just about our own physical aspects, but they trail all the way to toxic relationships (which now I know too much of first hand) and bad habits like being a shopaholic. I know also analyzing my past relationships, I constantly told myself lies about these toxic relationships because I didn't want to loose them and be alone. 

    One of the major toxic relationships I've had was forcing the title of best friend to someone who never even wanted to be my friend in the first place. On many occasions he told me the only reason he was talking to me was because he was bored and I was the only go to person option in that moment. Yet, I still keep graveling for his attention, because I had invested so many years I didn't want that time to have been for nothing. I gave him a birthday gift from my own allowance, because that's how special he was to me. I wanted him to be my best friend and fulfill the role of a big brother I never had or wanted so desperately. I remember sharing my secrets with him about how I felt about my boy troubles and every little thing that happened to me, he was always the first one I wanted to tell more than anything. I even went out of my way to set him up with a former classmate who I thought would be a perfect match for him at the time. Once I realized she was just using him I wrote him a letter (literally) and told him plain and simple she doesn't actually like you or love you after a whole year of seeing her treat him like he was her personal assistant. He didn't listen to me of course, by this time he was so infatuated with her he couldn't see right from wrong at all. Eventually, as the years went by and she had enough of faking it, she left him without telling him and she robbed him of almost ten years of being a relationship without someone who didn't love him. 

    When this happened, I thought he would finally be free from her and that we could reconnect our friendship, but that was not the case at all. He found new people to invest his time with and barely ever made time to talk to me because he was so busy "working". On the few rare occasions we actually spent together it was always in a group setting and I just happened to be there. He only shared my 29th birthday with me because my hot cousin had come from Colombia and he was interested in her. I don't blame him for wanting to pursue her, because she is beautiful and who wouldn't want a hot babe. I just hate that he never cared about me as a friend and he just called himself an asshole and somehow that made up for it. All those years, I reached out to him first -- always showing how much I missed him and wanted to reconnect and all I ever got was a few words here and there. Those were the times I was lying to myself about him being my best friend. He never was my best friend and he was never a real friend either. He told me once via Facebook messenger, "You are one of those friends in life is hard to find and we are like a magnet that you pull apart but always find their way back to each other" (something along the lines I was paraphrasing. He also told me other things I rather not say to respect his marriage. The very one I wasn't even invited to even though he literally saw me the day before his wedding and just merely waved at me hi and bye. I mentioned it before, I wasn't going of course because I never even met her and he obviously didn't care to introduce his girlfriend to his best friend (as this was also the lie he too told me several times -- that I was his female best friend -pfffff). I only bring it up to support my statement of him being such a fake friend. 

    Overall, he never did anything to show me he cared about me as a friend and everything he did was in his best interest to gain something he wanted out of me. Those few lines he told me that one night will never be forgotten, but to him they were just sweet one liners to get me to do what he wanted. They still hurt to this day, knowing he lied without thinking the value of such bold statements. I always questioned them and never accepted them as being truthful, because his actions went directly against what he alleged. It just hurt knowing he had to go to such extremes to try to make me feel special when the truth was always right there. You cannot tell someone something your very actions disproof. I also just hate how much I cried about losing the friendship I thought I had built. I wept like a baby in prior years when I didn't talk to him at all and he was still dating that girl who abandoned him. Afterwards, I was caught up in other toxic relationships that the pain subsided for a while, because I was so consumed by other idiots. I longed for his help with just basic goals I had and he never once cared to help me at all. I was always encouraging him and telling him he had potential to do more and be more. Everything between me and him was always one sided and finally after his marriage I had enough of his demeanor to ignore me as a "best friend". It's been about almost three years since I last saw him and had any contact with him. He was one toxic relationship I kept lying to myself about over and over because it was too painful to let him go, until I finally did. From time to time, I still have dreams about him and I wake up so thankful it was just a stupid dream, because I don't ever want him back in my life to any capacity. I wish him all the very best, but I just want to live my life without the people from my past. I forgive him of course for all the lies he told me and for never truly accepting the role I gave him as a best friend or friend period. I leave you with this one concrete example, he once signed my year book by saying " Ana, I forgive you for being a little ..... out there , have a great summer" something like that, but basically what he was trying to emphasis was-- I was annoying. So even then he gave me subtle hints of how he really felt about me and I just smiled like an idiot and ignored it. That is why, you should never lie to yourself about the truth you are living as hard as it may be. 

    Thank you for taking the time to read it, remember you are not a mistake because God does not make mistakes. You have a purpose and a plan to fulfill, so allow Jesus to enter your heart, mind, and soul!!! Remember to share, like, comment!!! 

  

Ana :)

      

Ex Neigh #Amilikey

 

Gobble Gobble is officially done and over with people!!!! Hope everyone had a lovely Thanksgiving meal with their family and friends (for those who are fortunate enough to have real ones that you actually spend time with in real life--- unlike me, the very few people I talk to are so far away & some I've never had the opportunity to meet in person). But anyways that's not what I'm here for today; instead, I'd like to entertain you with another past male acquaintance I had. 

     This one is a bit longer of a real story to tell because it lasted a few years. So ironically I met this guy at a birthday kickball party for again another past ex "best" male friend I also had for several years. ( And now this is another story I will share on my next post) For legal purposes, we shall call this one EN ( Ex Neigh is Neighbor ). So at the time of the birthday party I had no idea who he was I don't even remember seeing him there that day, because there were a lot of people. I pretty much was on the outside of the entire group there I only knew my alleged best friend. So one night, I was bored and chatting online and this one guy appeared in real close proximity, but I didn't think anything of it. 

    We started chatting and eventually once the curiosity of men gets to them and we exchange pictures to see what we look like, he says I've met you before. And I was like whaaatttttttt no way how is that even possible? So he said I met you at the birthday party and he said my best friend's name and I was like ohhhhhh wow. So I thought that was hilarious because that had never happened to me before. Then, one day we finally agreed to hangout at the Mall and watch a movie. We did and he was a bit loud & we enjoyed the movie -- it was the new real life animated The Lion King so you can't go wrong with that film choice. He drove me back home and that's when we realized we literally lived one complex away from each other, so that was another major Lol moment too. So, from that day forward it just made sense to hangout because of the convenience of the location--- I'd always be just a few steps away from home. 

   We kept hanging out and going out to eat here and there for several months--- like sporadically because at the time I also had a stupid FWB thing going on. I ended up eventually visiting his new place where he moved into, because I was bored and had ended things we my FWB. Again, these were the years where I was struggling to become emotionally mature enough to not rely on bad/toxic company just to not feel so lonely. Once, I started working so heavily at my former job, I obviously didn't have enough free time to spend with EN, so we became more distant. He had always been a bit annoying in the way he behaved himself around me and the things he said to me were so condescending. EN was still a part of my life when my winter fling thing happened and he kept making fun of it. EN said yeah y'all are a great couple because you both still live with your parents. He always made it seem like he was so much better than me, because he lived alone in an apartment. Yet, his mother and father were constantly supporting him financially in many ways-- so of course it was easy for him to do whatever and not take full responsibility for himself. 

    The straw that broke the Camel's back was when he verbally became offensive over some stupid ex coworker he was trying to talk to and I was assisting him. EN told me to go ******* myself and F bomb this F bomb that and I was like whoa whoa hold on buddy who do you think you're talking to like that? I literally said that to him and he just kept being nasty, so said that's enough. Block, delete, block and delete from my phone and social media. EN had always been verbally insulting too, from the beginning, but as always I was trying to see past that and be a "good" friend. He constantly made fun of me for not driving, and living with my parents still at my age which yes I don't like it either. But the one thing he said on the last time I hungout with him in the car was devastating to me. EN said that he knew I could never better myself because even though I was working a lot and making more money --- my family was always gonna keep me from moving forward because they depended on me financially. I couldn't believe it in that moment, but of course I just cringed inside to know that's how he really felt about me. EN also mentioned that I could never afford a car on my own or I would ever move out to be on my own. To that I say, I am making progress even if I haven't officially reached those goals. And at that point it was literally the last time I saw him in person --- ironically on his birthday dinner with his best friend and his best friend's fiance at the time. I knew I wanted to keep my distance from him for a while, but I kept going back and forth. Until, like I mentioned he became so fawl mouth talking back to me in that disrespectful manner. Lastly, he also like loved rubbing it in my face about he was the "only" friend I had at that time, because I didn't hangout with anyone else. He was just toxic all around and the few favors he ever did to me he would always throw them in my face afterwards. I told him several times we weren't real friends and he was just an acquaintance I liked spending time with here and there. But honestly I was just in denial in how poorly he treated me as a so called friend. I know I already said lastly, but I just remembered something that proves my story and I always like to have facts backup my words-- so noone says she's just lying or exaggerating. Literally every time we went out to Walmart or dined out, as soon as he saw a female he liked he would immediately start flirting with her right in front of me as if I wasn't even there. He always complained that I was acting like a jealous "girlfriend ", but I reiterated that it was out of mutual respect as a person not to do that while I was around, because I felt ignored as in if you're gonna hangout with me then don't ignore me for talking to someone else. You can flirt with whoever you want and do whatever you want so long as I'm not around. I would never flirt with another guy if I'm hanging out with a friend (male or female) because I find that disrespectful of the time your sharing to bond and have fun with your friend. You can flirt when you're by yourself or not in a one on one setting like a group gathering. Most of the time he avoided eye contact with me when we were talking which also made me feel super uncomfortable like I know I'm not a model, but if you're gonna be my friend then you have to be comfortable looking at me the way I am with scars and all. So anyways, EN has officially been out of my life for almost 2 years and I don't miss him at all. He nicknamed me a "brat" he said I was a spoiled brat and I constantly told him not to call me that because it was annoying. It was just a hopeless interaction me trying to help him become motivated to do things and be better while he just indulged in belittling me to make himself feel better. 

   So there you have it people, another real life story of how another epic male relationship went down in my time-line. Yes, of course there's a bit more details of other things that happened, but I have to save something for that oh so glorious aspiration and goal to write my autobiography. Which, I've gone back and forth on so many times, because I feel like I don't have a good ending to it like what am I suppose to say after my miracle? I went to college and graduated but I still don't have a definitive career to show for. I also, want to end the book with the beginning of my beautiful own little family of having a husband and kids. So, if you were ever wondering why I haven't wrote it yet now you know. These next few years are crucial, but I hope I can finally write that book with a beautiful ending/beginning of the rest of my life. Alright, today was a good writing flowing juices Lol. I guess when you pick a topic you're so adimen about it's easy to talk about. So as always, remember you're not a mistake from God because He is perfect and he never makes mistakes. You have a purpose and a plan to fulfill so allow the Lord into your heart and start living it!!!! Remember to like and share!!! Comment some feedback too!!! 

Love xoxoxooxoxoxoxoox, 

Ana :) 

Pumped Full of Sugar #Amilikey

 

Selfie Filters gotta love them!!!! Lol

    Hi Everyone!!! I have been slightly under the weather so I just didn't even make the effort to post anything on here so my bad. Alright, now today as always I come with an amazing cute story about my shenanigans of prior years. I was the typical candy lover as a child that it was my go to food. I remember I would always eat anything sweet over real meals. Back in the day you can literally walk out of the gas station with four or five bags of candy for only a dollar. It is scary to think back then I would walk from my house to the gas station all by myself and be allowed to purchase this candy without any adult supervision and no one said anything. I was only seven years old crossing streets and buying things on my own. I am just so grateful I was never kidnapped or suffered any injuries as a child venturing out on my own. 

    My father has always been irresponsible and he didn't want me around so when I fuzzed and asked for money to buy candy he would never hesitate to just shut me up by giving me a dollar. I remember running as fast as I could to get to the gas station that was about three blocks away from my house. Every time I entered the store they already knew me and didn't ask why I was alone or even questioned what I was going to buy. I always got the same things and opened the candy bags before I even made it back to the house. Those four candy bags were gone probably within 20 minutes or less. I was a hard sugar addict for real. All I ever thought about was getting to eat candy at any opportunity I got regardless if I have had a real meal. Most of the time I was bribed to eat my dinner if I was compensated with some candy after I was done with my meal. I never rejected people giving me candy nor did I shy away from asking for some candy wherever I went. I am pretty sure I stressed out my mom a lot for having this bad addiction and habit without any self control. 

    As I got older, I am thankful the addiction subsided and I no longer craved or wanted that much candy all the time. I started learning about the health effects or such consumption that I was like wait I don't want to be an obese kid or have diabetes or anything that can affect my health. As an adult, I literally can't stand when I try a piece of candy and it's so sweet I literally just stop eating it right away and I feel like it's so gross. I still like candy -mainly chocolate -- but I have opted for healthier versions of it like dark chocolate with about 70% of cocoa concentration. The candy I eat now is very limited and I only eat it every now and then. Overall, I am glad candy doesn't have a hold on me like it did when I was a kid, because I had it bad like unbelievably detrimental. So, when people tell me I am so sweet, I tell them it's the byproduct of all the sugar consumption I had as a child. Major Lol. I know it's a super cute reply back and it makes everyone laugh. Also, my most famous way of flirting if a guy tells me I am sweet. 

    Alright, I don't have too much to add to this post but now you know in full disclosure my candy addiction as a child. Please, don't think this behavior is acceptable or tolerate it in kids around you (even adults). Any addiction is never good no matter how insignificant it may seem, so seek help if you cannot control something you know is wrong/damaging for you to do repeatedly. As always thank you for reading my humble blog and make sure you leave a comment with a feedback. What is something you'd like to know or learn about me or just in general questions? Remember you are not a mistake because God is perfect and HE does not make mistakes!!! You have a purpose and you make someone happy even if you don't even realize it. Till next time be safe and remember to check out all the other posts and even check out my Instagram and YouTube channel all you have to use is my #amilikey 

Love, 

Xoxooxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

 

Night Owl #Amilikey

 Hey Beautiful Bloggers!!! So today we are broadening our horizons and continue to share my lifetime with all those who give a care. I titled this blog post Night Owl because as I am now working the graveyard shift from 05:45pm till 06;15am. Honestly, I have always loved being up at night most of my life, because it’s a more peaceful and relaxing atmosphere in general. I find there is no need to worry about anything in terms of bad weather or traffic. In the evening time there is less activity and that is always good news.  

I literally found a new way to blog while making good use of my time. I was also born at nighttime, so that gives me more credibility to be a night owl and I think it’s awesome to enjoy the night sky view with the twinkling stars and beaming satellites. Major Lol. As a reactivated night owl – I am surprised my body has acclimated so well because I don’t feel sleepy at all throughout my entire shift. I also eat well usually around 2ammy “lunch” break and my stomach doesn’t get uneasy about it either. Overall, I have been enjoying this new schedule, because it has opened another opportunity to be able to have a lot more free time. Running has become my new hobby/favorite form of exercise and when I used to work like a dog Monday through Friday for over 8 hours per day – it was impossible to squeeze in a run during the week. On Wednesday of last week, I had a viable day opened to running, but I ended up walking for over 2 miles consecutively and diverted to doing an errand. I can stay up late at night to finish watching a good movie without worrying about getting up early the next day. I also have more time to journal with more tranquility. Another perk is having more quiet time to read, because I can’t really focus on reading if there is outside noise. In full disclosure, I also have more time to pray and study the Word of God without being interrupted or distracted.  

Moreover, whenever I have multiple days off – I can adjust my bedtime and get up earlier to do whatever is that I need to get done that day. Thanks to my new schedule I now have multiple days off in a row which grants me access to schedule medical appointments during the workweek and it helps for future possible vacations or fun trips. The most exciting perk about working night shifts in my position is the opportunity to go back to school and have amble time to study/do homework. Which technically could then be called “workwork” because I would be doing my homework at work, hence the “workwork” reference. Major Lol. I feel like this opportunity lined up better than expected and I will take advantage of it as much as I can for sure for sure. I am constantly asking the RNs questions about things I am obviously oblivious to so that I can be better informed and gain more knowledge. My eyes are constantly paying attention to every little detail as well – I am an observant kind of gal.  

Overall, becoming a night owl has not been hard and I have gained so many wonderful perks that it really has been a blessing. I will cherish this season for as long as it lasts, because I know eventually when I do become a wife and a mother it probably won’t be as convenient to stay as a night owl. As always, I appreciate the support for reading my humble blog and sharing this journey alongside me called Life!!!! Remember that you are not a mistake made by your parents because God does not make mistakes. You are here for a purpose and a plan, so step aside of your ego and own agenda and open your heart to Jesus so he can set you up on the right path to fulfill that purpose. Don’t hesitate to like and share and leave a comment because feedback is welcomed, and it makes me happy to engage with my micro audience.   

 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,  

 

Love Ana 😉  

 

 

     

Sleepovers #Amilikey

Greetings Beautiful Bloggers!!!! I know you’ll miss me when I’m not here sharing my amazing stories. I’ve tried to cover topics that will be light hearted and fun to read to over and over again. So here is to my sleepovers from my childhood— mainly. I always wanted to attend sleepovers when I was young, but my parents particularly my mom wouldn’t allow me to stay over anyone’s home even during the day let alone at night. I had this one friend who I called my best female friend and she was allowed to sleepover my house once a month. My mom was always worried when my friend would come over to make sure we were stocked with groceries. This was her main reasoning behind once a month policy visit for a sleepover. 

My female best friend at that time was only 9 and I was 14; however, she had the maturity of a 16 year old — so that’s why we vibed so well. She was like my little sister and I would tell her everything that was going on in my life. Every time she came over for the weekend it was so much fun. She would come over after the Friday night service and stay with me until we went back to church on Sunday morning. We always made the best hot pancakes on Saturday morning for breakfast. We stayed up late on Friday night watching TV and just talking up a storm about our lives. Sometimes on Saturday evenings we would go to Pasco county to this one shopping plaza where they had a nice thrift store, Chinese takeout and a big Walmart. It was the perfect combo to stroll all at once. 

As the years passed by, unfortunately we grew apart and we just didn’t see eye to eye anymore. It was really hard, to loose someone I cared so much about and spend time with all the time. I visited her once at the hospital when she had her second daughter, because I was going to school nearby and I stopped by unannounced. I know that was crazy of me, but luckily she let me come in and see her. It’s been a long minute since that day and I wish things were different, but hopefully in due season we can rekindle our friendship or sisterhood. 

I had a few nights as an adult where I stayed at a friends house, but I don’t think I’d call that a sleepover. I mean I feel like a sleepover is mainly to reference a kid staying over his friends house. I informed my mom after the fact where I would be spending the night and I know she hated me for it. I obviously knew from like early in the afternoon I wasn’t coming home that night, but I literally waited purposefully till my approximate curfew to inform her I was staying at my friends. Looking back on it, I was irresponsible for doing that and lying to her about the reasoning. Now it’s all in the past and I’m glad I’m not lying about my whereabouts because it’s not cool to lie to the mother that has sacrificed so much to love and care for me. 

As always thanks for reading this humble blog and remember you’re not a mistake because God does not make mistakes. Keep moving forward in life with whatever you’re dealing with — it might seem impossible to overcome but believe God is the Almighty God who can deliver you out of whatever situation you’re in. Best hugs and kisses !!!!! 

-Ana ;) 

Monkey Bars #amilikey

 

Greetings Bloggers, I know I have been away for some time now. I am still not being consistent in my time frame for blogging. I have set a weekly goal, but at times I do loose the inspiration to blog. I feel like I am not reaching the audience I wish I could reach within the right time frame. I also feel like since no one ever participates with liking, sharing, or commenting-- that it feels always in vain (like a waste of time). However, I have felt this before and I am still here so there you have it. I won't give up and my message might only reach one person, but maybe it is that one person who needs to hear this message. 

    Anyways, I wanted to share a heart-good felt story about my childhood, because honestly sometimes I feel like my childhood was so much better than my adult life period. I miss living in a house versus a small apartment. I miss being taken by nice car (my father was a mechanic so he could afford having new cars) as my main means of transportation versus having to walk and use public takes-for-ever transit. I miss having actual friends I could play with without feeling left out because I wasn't missing a status quo life style. Obviously, I don't want adult friends to play with but hangout for non-alcohol drinks get-togethers. So, every time I think of my childhood it makes me feel really good to remember those fun memories. 

    I have always been an active person in general. My mother can attest to this fact from a baby who would do a lot of shenanigans. I like being physically active, because it is fun and I like having fun. Back in elementary school, I couldn't wait for recess every day to get to play on the playground. I attended after school care at the school's playground. I was obsessed with going across the monkey bars like I was at the Olympics. Obviously, the gymnast only have two bars, one high and one low. The monkey bars at our playground had about ten bars going straight across, and then there was another set that had about the same amount but curved to the opposite side. I felt like I could do so many tricks on there I never got tired of getting on them every day for like more than 50% of time I was at after school care. My addicting habit despite how good I was, led to a terrifying hand bacteria infection that put me out of school for a whole week. I washed my hands when I went to the bathroom, but never did I think the excessive exposure to the monkey bars for days on end could lead to me catching a bacteria on my hand. For some odd reason, it was only my left hand (if I recall correctly) that swell up and started peeling non-stop with blisters. 

    I had to soak my hand in salt warm buckets of water with lime drops to kill off the infection every day. I also had to apply the famous Neosporin creme to help it heal up and ease the pain/itching sensation I also had. After a whole week of resting from the monkey bars and having sanitation to the max-- my hand came back to normal. I don't remember how long I waited before going back on the money bars, but I definitely wanted to get back on them soon enough. I tried getting on the monkey bars as an adult and boy if I got past two it was a real struggle. I was amazing on how much I sucked, because I used to be a champion at them. When I realized it was my weight that made it so much harder to propel myself from one bar to the next-- it was a shocking wake up call I needed to get healthier. I just couldn't believe I had lost all my momentum I once had as a kid. Also, made me realize I didn't eat enough as a kid and I was probably a bit too skinny. Either way I would like to get better at doing the monkey bars for sure. When I was at Planet fitness, I was able to finish their short monkey bars obstacle with the help of a pair of training sport gloves and a whole lot of practice and rushing through too. 

    Alright, I am in a bit of a hurry now because I got to get ready for work now, I just felt guilty for now posting a blog this weekend so I thought I do a quick one. Major Lol. Alright, you know the deal: You are not a mistake because God does not make mistakes!!! Allow God to enter your life and make of it a masterpiece. 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

 

Man of my Dreams #amilikey

 Heeeeyyy it’s your favorite blogger !!!! I want to post another blog that will bring some enlightenment into my persona, personality, and me. Who doesn’t have any preferences (raise your hand)? Everyone has a preference of the things they like and don’t like. If we didn’t have any preference it’s like we didn’t have feelings. Some people have less preferences than others and that’s okay too. Right now, I want to talk about the preferences I have in regards to my ideal mate. 

First of all, I do believe being attracted to your partner is essential for obvious reasons. When you’re attracted to your partner physically then you don’t have the excuse of saying well I’m just not that into them so I ended up cheating on them. When you have that physical chemistry between the both of you, it makes the connection tight and allows you to become a loyal partner. I know, I know, who am I to talk about relationships when I’ve never had a serious relationship? Well, I still know now what didn’t work and what lacked in every toxic relationship I was envolved in. I get credit for understanding the basics when it comes to making a perfect match. No one is perfect, however, I now know as long as your partner views you as perfect for them that’s all that matters. 

I want to be attracted to my dream man both physically and mentally. I want to know he is the hottest man alive just for me and no one else can have a taste of him ever. I want to always be excited about going home after work and spending that intimate, good, quality time with him as my husband. So I believe I can’t force myself to like him and be like well he has one or two good looking features physically. I want to enjoy what he looks like as a whole (even if all his features aren’t perfect). Now the features I admire in a man are: 

1. Height (short men just don’t make me feel like I’m with a real man but a boy) I want my man to pick me up and carry me to the bedroom on our honeymoon— Yes! But I also want him to reach things for me I can’t reach and just be the strong male I need in my life to help me physically when I can’t do something. My ideal height is between minimum 5’10” to tops 6’1”. 

2. Light colored eyes like blue or green 😍 or gray or hazel or those amazing mixtures of more than one color but still gorgeous. Brown eyes are boring because everyone has them. 

3. Curly hair— I love love love curly hair and I’d like to have babies with curly hair. 

4. Light skin all the way. I am not racist obviously 🙄 but that is what really makes my motors run, when I see a white male or a light skin male of any ethnicity. I don’t care if they were born in Antártica (now I wonder if anyone has ever been born there) or Fiji I just want them to be of light complexion because that is what I am attracted to more than anything. 

5. Dirty blonde hair color!!! Naturally any hair color other than black, because again everyone has black hair color and that’s also boring. 

6. Fit body, muscular with some nice abs!!! Not like bodybuilding— eww 😷 that’s gross looking. I want naturally fit with normal exercise regimen, but not too much where you look like a mini hulk. 

7. Big lips are a bonus because when you kiss someone with thin lips it’s just not the same and y’all know what am talking about. 

8. Healthy smile 

9. Cute button nose or medium nose —- I do not like pointy big nose 

10. If he has a nice junk in the trunk I don’t mind at all but it’s not essential. 

So those are my top feature preferences that makes me be attracted physically to a man. Also, if he can sing or has a skill like playing basketball or playing an instrument like the piano that’s also super attractive. Now mentally, you have to stimulate my mind or else you’re only half way to my aorta. You can be fine as wine, but if you can’t hold a conversation about something other than pop culture — you are history. Obviously I’m not a genius or have a high IQ. Yet, I still want to discuss politics, nature, human interaction, and topics that are interesting and you can have an in depth conversation. I want you to make me laugh because you’re genuinely funny and not because you’re telling dad jokes or making stupid imitating sounds. I want my man to like to be a talker because I can talk all day long. I don’t want you to just sit there and listen to me and not equally partake in the conversation. 

I need a man who can be spontaneous about the ordinary things in life like remembering to buy me my favorite dark chocolate boujee chocolate when I’m with Mother Nature. Don’t ask me if I want some or if I need some dark chocolate just give it to me and do it in a creative way. Like I sometimes to be playful put something underneath my mom’s pillow before she goes to bed and the next day she just starts laughing I did that. There are so many ways to express love it’s ridiculous how many people go through life in a boring marriage or relationship. I need my man to be fun, outgoing, kind, have real empathy for all people. 

I need a man who can be playful (and not just sexually) without being offensive or demeaning. I want you to roast me in a loving and caring kind of way. Just know where to stop and not take it overboard. Like for example, I know I’m short so go ahead make short girl jokes, but don’t say where my height makes me inadequate to do things right. Just the know the difference between being playful and being a jerk. This one fool had the audacity to criticize me for my teeth, but he was a smoker. Like those types of things you don’t bring about so brutally. And I will get my teeth whitening soon FYI fool. 

I also know given my own physical appearance I can’t bank on getting someone that fits all my preferences, because it wouldn’t be fair to him to be that amazing and end up with just me. I know men want a tall woman, with long legs, big bootie, big breast, big lips, big hips, thin waist, and I don’t have those features in that size. So as long as I can be more than 80% attracted to his features then I’m good. If he can have at least 5 of the 10 features I am into then we are good. Once we pass the physical attraction and you stimulate my mind when we talk, baby we are set for life. 

Obviously, I don’t mean that those are the only aspects in a man I want either. Before I even get to the physical and mental attraction— you have to be faith bound or you’re not in my radar. I need man who can pray for me and with me all the time. I need a man who is going to be my accountability partner in the spiritual realm. If he sees me not pursuing Jesus as I should I need him to call me out on it and help me get back on track. I want him to trust me and see me 2nd to Jesus in his life. I do come before his momma and his family. I am his 2nd priority after God. I need a man who is genuinely faithful to serving the Lord and doesn’t take Christianity as a spectator. I know I haven’t done nearly enough in the Kingdom of God, but I am aware I can do more and I will do more. I also need a man who has his finances in balance. Not a billionaire, millionaire, or rich man, but a man who can afford to sustain himself and a family. I need a man who will read my marriage proposal blog post and agree to more than 90% of it ( really it should be 100% because everything I said was true but I’ll give a slight micro waver on something). 

I want and need a man who agrees to having four beautiful babies with me and that includes adopting one of those four. I need a man who shares the same views about parenting as I want to parent. I don’t believe in timeouts to sit in a corner and face the wall. I believe in real hard age appropriate labor to teach them discipline. You misbehaved as a five year old, you will help me do the laundry from start to finish and I don’t care if don’t know how to fold because you’re about to learn. You misbehaved as a twelve year old, you will help me do all the house cleaning and we are doing deep cleaning so get ready to move some furniture too. I want to raise kids who appreciate what they have and can be independent from an early age. I don’t want them to not know how to cook their own meals or be self sufficient. My mommy spoiled me too much as a kid and had I had more discipline and instruction I’d probably would have done better in my early 20s. Loving your kids is not about giving them everything you didn’t have or wanted, but about helping them become well-rounded individuals with integrity. 

I share the things that matter the most to me in a man. I hope you found my preferences somewhat enjoyable and delightful. Like I said before, I won’t get someone with all 10 features because that would be too good to be true and a total unfairness for him. But I do hope more than anything when he finally shows up in my life he will embrace this blog and be my number one follower!!! I hope he can see and understand I share these stories not for the fame but for a real reason to shed some encouragement to those in need. To remind people they are not a mistake, because God does not make mistakes. To motivate them to seek Jesus and find their purpose for life. 

Again, thank you for taking the time to read my blog and if you know someone that fits the mold send them this link. Major Lol. It won’t hurt to share in general too!!! 

Love,

Xoxoxoxooxoxoxo, 

Ana ;) 

Sixth Grade Crush Obsession #amilikey

Hola beautiful people!! I am definitely getting some boost when I see the views increase continuously. I think I might have hit a good nerve with the general audience, because inside relationship news is very interesting to learn about. People want the scoop of how people socialize and the ins and outs of the relationship. Obviously, that is how reality TV became a world-wide sensation and the non-talented Kardashians became famous for doing nothing. I share my inside stories to entertain --yes, but also bring about a life lesson and encouragement. If you had to say you actually learned valuable lessons from the Kardashians versus me, who would you honestly select? Me!! It better be me or get off my page right now. Major Lol. I was just kidding of course, but seriously other than a new form of shopping or a new way to start drama, what can you accredit the Kardashians with that is important? 

    Okay, let me take you back to my middle school first year as a sixth grader. I was totally new to the school as all my fellow fifth grade classmates ended attending a different school than the one I was district-bound to enroll with. In the beginning, I was a bit nervous so I stayed as low-key as possible. Perhaps after the first quarter of the year, I had developed a major crush on this one Caucasian boy who liked hockey and was in my elective class. He was very smart and obviously good-looking with the pretty boy face. I didn't want to tell anyone I had a crush on him, but other girls couldn't resist knowing that info about me. I told someone who was actually really good friends with him and was his neighbor from childhood. She actually printed a picture of him so I could put it in my locker, and I was crazy enough to hang up inside my locker.

    I only kept it up for a few days until it became an awkward reminder of how much I was crushing on him. She also gave me his home phone number because at this point children didn't have cell-phones yet. I specifically told her not to tell him I liked him. Somehow school gossip got to another classmate that ended up making up this stupid story about the possibility of him even considering me as a girlfriend. I totally feel for it and wanted to know if it was true or not. I went home that day and when there was no one in the living room grabbed the landline to call his home phone. I was so nervous, but ironically he picked up the phone and I said hey it's me and I just wanted to ask you a question about what someone told me you said. Of course he completely denied ever suggesting he would ask me out and I was like oh okay and then the most embarrassing thing happened. I still can't believe to this day I blurted that out like that, because obviously I didn't mean it at all. I literally said, "I love you" and hanged up the phone. It was so stupid and ridiculous and I dreaded going to school the next day. I don't remember if that sparked my next stupid move to write him an explanation letter. My classmate that knew him gave him the letter I wrote and he didn't say much after reading it. 

    He avoided me so hard after that phone call and letter it was so uncomfortable to be around him in that one class. I guess he pretty much felt like -- damn the ugly girl likes me and she is so annoying. I knew afterwards we would never speak again even as classmates. It was sad to loose that little small interaction I previously had before he knew I liked him. We thankfully went to separate high schools, so that awkward tension that remained didn't matter anymore. Ironically, years later maybe a year or two after high school, I had the audacity to friend request him on Facebook since we had so many friends in common. He actually accepted my request and we just kept to ourselves in terms of no actual interaction like messaging. One day I mentioned it was so much easier to take pictures than upload them onto my page, and he actually liked my status post and agreed. That was literally the only interaction we had via Facebook. I obviously browsed all his page and discovered where he got his good looks from -- his dad for sure. That man was in such great shape I was like wow that is his father ... nice! Major Lol. 

    Eventually a couple more years later on, when people do their Facebook cleaning I didn't make the cut or maybe I unfriend him I honestly don't know how it happened, but he is no longer on my page. So yeah, that was my crazy sixth grade crush story of how I totally overreacted/embarrassed myself. I wrote a lot of guys letters and it was always so stupid of me. Even as a grown adult, I wrote guys letters as if that made a difference for them. The foolish things I've done to get a guy's attention is just so sad for sure. I will save my writing skills for my blog instead. So there you have it, another heart-felt short story to spice it up, up in here y'all. Do not forget that you are not a mistake because God Almighty does not make mistakes. No matter how you feel about your life going well or in the slums: you have a purpose to keep living. Never give up on having a better future and allow the Lord to be a part of it all. Thank you for reading my blog. Make sure to (all in unison) : share, like, comment!!!

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

    

    

College Prayer Guy #Amilikey

 Bon nuit!!!! I have caught a temporary fever for blogging and while it last I hope to exploit it in my advantage. We have seemed to have stumbled upon a theme here — male relationships from my past. I wanted to share a very short experience that wasn’t necessary bad, but one I’ll never forget in how I reacted. I attended USF back in 2013 and I liked doing some studying in the third floor of the student building( I can’t even remember what’s called anymore, but basically where they have the big WOW welcoming event). 

I liked studying there because it was usually less crowded than the library and I could concentrate on whatever I was working on. One day in between my classes, I sat there quietly when a Caucasian guy walked up to me and sat down at the table. He obviously asked politely if I had some time to talk and I agreed. I unfortunately don’t remember his name at all and even if I did you guys know I couldn’t disclose it. My first reaction was a bit startled because no one ever approached me at all— let alone a guy. I think he was carrying a motorcycle helmet and he was a bit older than me at that time but still within youth range. He had some nice bright colored eyes and he was actually just going around sharing the gospel. 

He asked me about my faith and I reassured him I was a believer in Christ. We exchanged a few words and shared some music preferences. After that he actually asked me if he could pray for me before he left and I said yes. He grabbed my hand and said a quick prayer. Up until that point I don’t think anyone my age had every prayer for me like that and it was so surprising to me. Of course in my cynical mind, I was like doing the female scanning for potential mate probability. I was observing him and trying to figure out if he could be someone I’d want to date. It was just so terrible of me processing all of that while he was actually doing the right thing to fellowship. 

I went off to class and didn’t think I’d see him again any time soon. A few days after, I had actually signed up to volunteer for this event inside the same building we met. I saw him sitting my the lounge chairs and I approached him just to give him a flyer about the event. I didn’t say much and again went off on my own way. I hate this next part of the story. I was in a bit of a rush to get to class one morning because I didn’t have too much time to spare. I completely missed out on the chance to perhaps make a good friend and even accrue a brother in Christ. I say that because on my way to class I was walking fast when he was walking towards me and he stopped to say hi. I hesitantly replied back with hi and kept walking, he had actually asked me how are you and I said quickly I’m good but kept walking away. 

Afterwards, I felt so bad I had just kept walking away from him and he looked like he just wanted to chat a little bit, and I totally blew him off. I regret that moment so much, because I was so rude to just leave him hanging like that. I’m not a rude person, but all I was focused on was getting to class on time. I also, just didn’t know what to say to him and felt like maybe he was just being too nice. I felt like oh no here we go again he is feeling sorry for me and is giving me that big smile out of pity. 

I remember he was wearing this bright baby blue T-shirt and he looked really nice in it. I wish I could apologize to him for that moment and explain I didn’t mean to be so cold in that moment. I don’t know if he even remembers me, but I’m sure he is most likely married by now with a beautiful wife and kids. I wasn’t attracted to him physically when I first met him, but I’ve learned sometimes it literally takes some time to unveil someone’s attractiveness. Above all I just feel horrible for treating him that way, after he had been so polite and caring towards me. 

These are the few things I remember about him and I just shake my head for judging him so harshly for no reason. He mentioned he had been in a car accident or motorcycle accident and he had broken his neck. I thought oh no he is already damaged inside, as if I were in perfect condition ( I know I was so immature back then it’s a true shame to recall my erroneous way of thinking). He also criticized a song I shared with him that first day and when he shared a song he liked I was like okay that’s so old church people style music. I completely wrote him off for the silliest of things — all because I was focusing on a compatibility match instead of approaching it as a new friend. 

I’ve definitely grown since then in terms of not judging people so harshly for our differences. However, when it comes to fellowship and accepting a lifetime partner: I’m not going to settle just for anything or anyone who doesn’t share the core values and beliefs. I know we are all unique and we all are entitled to share our opinions, but the core foundation is non negotiable when it comes to lifestyle. I hope you don’t run off someone who approaches you in a nice manner. Even if you’re in a hurry take the time to be kind to everyone and don’t miss out on the opportunity to meet amazing people. 

We need more youth like him who are willing to approach strangers and share the gospel and pray for them with such warmth. Remember to keep pushing forward in life when times get rough and you feel like you’re not good enough— because you are valuable in God’s sight. You’re not a mistake because God does not make mistakes. We need you to fulfill your purpose and share all that God has placed inside of you to help others. Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. As always like, share, and subscribe!!!! Comments are always welcomed and appreciated too!!! 

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo, 

Ana :) 

Winter Fling #Amilikey

Good Morning!!! To the western hemisphere that is of course. Major Lol. I was feeling cheery and decided to give you guys a bonus blog post. Also, I felt motivated to post again, because according to my google stat there seems to have been an increase in views. I don't understand where they all came from since I hadn't posted until about two hours ago, but I will try to seize the momentum. And in full disclosure considering the last topic I blogged about, I thought this one would be it's perfect cup of tea!!! Major Lol the irony right !!!! Okay, Ana focus please so we don't get discredited. Sike ...pfffff... 

    Seriously, back on track for this new post I am about to spill out all the most possible beans on it. One honest disclaimer before anyone starts accusing me of not having closure: I am over him. I once again, in my naive and hopeless aspiration to find love or a genuine friend: decided to meet up with a online faith-based friend. I utilize Facebook groups to mainly share my blog and I had joined one group named something like single christians. One day I posted my link to my YouTube video about making cupcakes and this one member replied commenting something about it. In order to comply with not being sued for release of personal information we shall name him Little Stuartie = LS (I was going for Little Stuart but I also don't want cinema production to sue me either). So LS and I began messaging back and forth and we ended up chatting on Facebook messenger. Gradually our conversations progressed to text messages and even phone calls, but I can't recall if we spoke on the phone prior to meeting in person. 

    LS had mentioned he really enjoyed going to museums because he was a history buff so I had been wanting to go to the Tampa History Museum for a while and it seemed like the perfect place to meet a stranger/friend. We decided to meet two days after Thanksgiving on a Saturday mid-day. As per usual, I arrived early to wait for him by the entrance with a card I had bought him (I know totally over the top stupid gesture of mine). I wrote like just nice things about him and I honestly don't know why I did it. I guess I've always been a writer and I love giving people cards, letters, and expressing how I feel on paper or in writing. We greeted each other and paid for our admission tickets individually of course. It was a bit awkward at first not knowing how to behave around each other for the first few minutes. Naturally, as the day continued we got more and more comfortable with each other to where we could laugh and horse play around with each other. 

    At our early dinner, we were definitely joking non-stop and being a bit more flirtatious. I figured the meeting would be over after we ate, but he didn't want to leave and we decided to walk down the River Walk because it was starting to be sunset. LS and I did hold hands or I grabbed him by the arm something like that as we walked and talked to the end of the River Walk that led to the Curtis Hixon Park. Obviously, it was a crowded place with the Xmas lights and ice-skating and holiday atmosphere. They were actually prepping to show some Xmas movie by the lawn and LS had said he wanted to stay and watch it. I agreed and I sat down in front of him to keep warm because it was beginning to cool down rapidly. I even lend him my spare hoodie because he was shivering by this point. Eventually, it was just too cold for our clothing and we decided it was time to leave. This is the part where he found out about me not driving so he obviously offered to drive me back home. He lived a bit further than I did, but I figured it couldn't hurt spending a little more time together. Kids if you are reading this, please get off my page and go do your homework because I have some things I need to share not for your ears or eyes. Major Lol. Kidding, you need to sit down and pay closer attention and learn from my mistakes. 

    So as you all know a date that goes well ends in a kiss. We both had agreed we were just meeting up to explore the museum together as friends, but once we starting flirting it was inevitable the meeting turned into a date. Before I exited his car, we did exchange a few xoxo and just cuddled. In that moment, I asked him (because I have been traumatized from past experiences) paraphrasing " Do you really like me and is this special?" I just wanted to know why he wanted to spend so much time with me and why he felt so attracted to me so soon. Of course, he said it was special and he did really like me, because we were in the moment of kissing. I don't think you'd say otherwise and continue getting kisses. Again, these are the stupid questions I asked when the situation wouldn't have led me to any other answer. 

    LS and me kept in touch via text and phone calls during the week and mostly meet up to see each other on the weekends. During our 5 weeks of seeing each other, we went to a movie, dinner, grocery stores, and flea market. It wasn't in that order but those were our little get together outings. After the third outing, we began having serious conversations about our differences in what we wanted and expected in our interaction. He wanted to go in one direction and I wanted to go in the opposite direction. I kept telling him I didn't want to mess up again and he just said yeah I get it but wouldn't uphold that promise to help me. After New year's day, I couldn't help but feel somewhat left out of his social gatherings and his large network of friends. 

    He began to distance himself and started to complain about having to drive all the way to see me and having to drop me back off in order to spend some time with me. I immediately felt offended that he would make that into an excuse not to come see me and make me feel so belittled. LS knew from the start where I lived and I never hid my situation from not driving from him. In fact, I am sure I mentioned it before we actually met but he didn't pay attention. One argument after another just continue to set us apart and I realized it wasn't meant to be. We couldn't stay friends even if we tried because that friend zone had already been broken. In all honesty, we did try for a while to be friends, but as soon as he mentioned seeing other people I couldn't help but feel like I wasn't good enough for him and he didn't try to make it work. I also felt so betrayed after all the things he had once told me to just blame my situation for not wanting to see me. 

    It hurt really badly to know he never actually meant any of those things he told me. When you care for someone -- it doesn't matter how hard it is to see them you do whatever it takes to see them. He could have been that aid that propelled me to fix my situation, but of course why would anyone care to lend me a hand and help me make progress. When I mention aid, I am not referring to money at all, because I was making a good salary when I met him and it was a skill assistance in teaching (that is what I could have benefited from). Nevertheless, I went back and forth with him via Facebook messenger until maybe five months ago when we last messaged each other. I specifically told him I was done keeping in touch with him, because there was no point. LS always denies doing any wrong to me and won't accept the fact that he lied to me about how he really felt about me and towards me. I told him I did forgive him, but I just wanted to move forward without him in my life. 

    I admit I did unblock him to snoop around his page to see what he was up to and to see if he was dating anyone. I should have left him blocked the whole time, but I caved into my curiosity. The point is that I haven't seen him since that winter month back in 2021 and I won't see him anytime soon either-- perks of meeting people who don't live where you live. I will always pray for him and wish him nothing but the best. I hold no hate or grudge in my heart for what happened, but there is a definite disillusion for how things ended. So as much as I tried to make a new friend and keep it amicable: I failed miserably and tried to make something out of nothing. He was not my type from the beginning, and yet there were qualities in him that made me like him to a certain degree-- I wasn't madly in love or close to it at all. That is why I reference him as my winter fling. It came and it passed all in a blink of an eye. He brought temporary warmth only to leave me with a cold sweet bitter memory. 

    So there you have it, my epic relationship failures for you to learn from. I saw minor red flags from the start, yet I thought I don't have to be so vigorous about it since we are only on the purpose of being friends. You shouldn't lower your expectations for a life partner and you should not lower them for a friend either. Remember God has a beautiful plan for your life and you are not a mistake. Have a blessed day or night wherever you are and keep moving forward with a heartbreak or not. Thanks for reading my blog, for more content just scroll on to the next post. Like, Share, Comment, Subscribe!!!!

Love, 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo , 

Ana :)