Hello, hello, my beautiful people that I always look forward to blogging for and to. I again failed the deadline for a Saturday post, so at this point I am just going to commit to one post per week regardless of the actual day. Now, I wanted to make a very personal/fun post about something I experienced. Ana, when haven't your blogs been personal or fun? Never, they are always fun and personal, but on this occasion I think it will make a connection with even more people. Let me begin, shall we? YES!!!
All my life, I have genuinely struggled with the notion of being wanted and considered as a real partner in a committed relationship. If you read prior blogs you'll find out I have tried online dating (lots of it --unfortunately), peer group interactions, and just being out in public to be seen by available single men. However, has any of that resulted in a healthy relationship? NO, the answer is always no. So over a year ago, I was on this chatting app and I posted, "Who wants to go on a coffee date?" as a general post. Ironically, this one guy replied back which I had previously chatted with before months earlier. Of course, I still had some curiosity to meet him in person -- even though I wasn't romantically interested in him-- and see if we could at least be good friends. Other guys also replied, but I ended up just picking this one for the coffee date.
We decided to meet at a Starbucks closer to his side of town and I arrived early as usual-- I am always early for almost everything. I went ahead and placed my order because there were a lot of people. It was a sunny, hot, Saturday morning and I just wore a bright mustard tank top with a pair of jeans or sweat pants -- I can't remember exactly. He came in with some slides and dark colored plain t-shirt with some pants. My first impression was-- wow he is so skinny. As you all know, a person always looks different in person versus a really nice photo. He definitely looked the same face wise, but his physique was a bit more pronounced in person. We were timid at first and just said a cold hi and focused on getting in our orders-- as it was a busy morning at Starbucks.
When we finally got our orders right, we moved further away from the crowded area and sat down somewhere else to get a little more privacy. I was hungry so I actually had ordered a egg sandwich with my coffee. He only ordered a cold coffee. Our conversation was never that interesting and it was mainly just plain jane and joe dialogue. The topics we briefly discussed were like generic and political. We never made it to fun topics and even though it wasn't suppose to be a romantic date -- I still wanted to laugh and have a good time. As soon as I finished my sandwich, he wrapped up the meeting and grabbed a $20 dollar bill from his wallet and was getting ready to hand it over to me. He said, "Here is a 20 for some gas for your drive over here" and I replied, "I don't need gas money because I didn't drive over here." In that instant he looked puzzled and asked," So how did you get here?" and I replied, "I took the bus here."
Then he obviously felt bad about it and suggested he would take me to the bus stop, so I said just drop me off near the park because I wasn't going home yet. On the short ride to the park in his car, he had the audacity to still make me feel bad about my personal situation and offered me money for a bus fare. I obviously declined because I had a bus card pass with preloaded funds. I felt so humiliated yet again to be reminded that I wasn't on his level and somehow I screamed poor girl in his sight. I sat down near a park bench to just regret the whole experience. I know it is awkward to find out someone of my age doesn't drive yet, but he didn't have to offer me money to compensate me coming to see him for some damn coffee. I was the one who came up with the concept and asked if anyone wanted to join me for some coffee. I didn't need anyone paying me to comply with the coffee date.
I may not have enough to afford a car, but in that moment I sure had enough for my coffee and personal transportation. It was such an insult, as if he was paying me off for having showed up. I never relayed how awful he made me feel and I pretended like everything was fine. I texted him a few more times that day and the next day he stopped replying back to me. I tried texting him as a friendly "hey how are you?" kind of thing, but he kept disregarding my texts. At that point, I was like wow, what a jerk face for not answering me at all. I get you might not be into someone --not even as friends-- but the decent thing to do is be honest and say I don't want to talk to you anymore. So about six months ago, he had the audacity to text me out of the blue as if he hadn't been ignoring me for the past 6 months. I was so livid, I texted him back telling him how dare he text me after all this time as if nothing. I told him to never text me again or look for me -- something like that-- and then I finally blocked him and deleted his number.
I just felt like a complete fool to think something good could come out of a coffee date. I called it a coffee date because it sounds nice, but honestly it didn't have to be a romantic encounter. I was just looking to share my coffee day which is usually on Saturdays with someone to accompany me that day and have someone to talk to in person. I wanted that human interaction on a friendly level. I work and interact with family, but it just isn't the same. Sometimes you crave and want that adulting with someone you can talk to freely without worrying they'll either report you to HR or snitch to your auntie. Overall, I know that day he meant well by offering me the money, but the fact of the matter is that he did forget about me and I do not appreciate being ignored for months on end. I understand we all have our obligations and responsibilities, but taking literally five to ten minutes to text someone is not unreasonable to uphold on a weekly basis at the minimum.
My social life has never been what I would hope or expect, but it would be nice to have a real friend I could hangout with and spend time with doing outdoor activities and just being social-- excluding the booze and clubs. It always comes down to the social status, and your lack of things to share in common with like being married with kids. The irony of being a social butterfly and yet not having any friends is just gut sucking. All I have is a bunch of acquaintances I see here and there for mere hellos and goodbyes. Everyone I ever met, lied about wanting to help me better myself and make progress. Again, I know it is my duty to figure things out and take ownership of the mistakes I've made to hinder my progress, but if any of those people would have actually kept their promise I'd be ahead of my own progress without so much hassle.
Anyways, now you know how my coffee date went down. I don't think I'll be going on any more coffee dates ever again. I'll just brew my coffee at home and if I'm feeling like pampering myself I'll get some Starbucks by myself like usual. As always the main theme of my sharing is to motivate and uplift you in whatever trial or situation you may be facing. You are not your parents' mistake because God does not make mistakes and you are His creation. Believe in Jesus and He will turn your life around once and for all. Even if it takes time --which I am the perfect example of how long it takes sometimes-- the Lord will Bless you and use you for greater good.
Thank you for reading my blog and remember to share, like, subscribe, and leave a feedback comment.
Love,
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
Ana :)
Bonus pic not from that day but of me with some Starbucks coffee!!!
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