Part II, Man of My Dreams #amilikey

 

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I am now literally just browsing through past blogs to gain ideas of what I can further elaborate on and add more to because I am still 16 blogs away from the goal. I can't believe I am torturing myself this way, when all I had to do is be consistent throughout the year. Anyways we are here now and there is no returning to do it right all over again. 

    I haven't felt the hand cramping, but the small tight bootie is for sure hurting from sitting. After this one, I am definitely taking a small intermission. I know this is the most delicate and intimate part of my life, but I wanted to speak it out into existence to create the awareness and also to speak it into existence. I have always grown up in the faith and I genuinely saw my former pastor as a grandpa figure when he was alive. Right before his passing, I had a literal dream at night that he came to me and hugged me so strongly while he said to me, "You shall be prospered and your prince is coming." I woke up crying of joy and happiness because it felt so real and the words he said were so profound. I can only assume he meant my prince is coming as in my future husband is coming. It is something I have always struggled with personally, I still to this day go back and forth on the concept itself. I think well, clearly I haven't been good enough for men in the past, and given my physical appearance, how could I truthfully and genuinely attract someone who is actually handsome. Then I also think, well given my social status, why would anyone ever give me the chance to do better while I am still in the process of it all without blocking me out. I think about how I don't want to be with someone who physically looks like me and then I am like well, if I don't want to why would someone who is perfectly normal want to be with someone who has these burn scars. I question my eligibility to be chosen for a wife all the damn time, and it hurts and it takes an internal turmoil. I don't shout it out to everyone, I keep that inner feeling to myself (well not now ) but it is one of my biggest concerns, I am not getting any younger and I want to be a wife so that I can become a mother too. So when I had that dream about him telling me my prince is coming, it gives me some hope and I get excited again. 

Well, I never thought I'd share that much, but I guess it's the most raw thing that happened to me and the expectation is now there. I just hope that my prince is coming soon enough, because I could surely use someone to finally have by my side in good times and bad times. I do my best to be strong for myself and my family, but sometimes I just wish I didn't have to do it all alone. Anyways it's my favorite part moment.  “You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes.” You are here for a reason and a purpose, so let Jesus show you the way. Thank you for your support and remember to view my YouTube videos using the best hashtag #️⃣ amilikey

Xoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)