My 1st Kiss #amilikey

 

 Yo yo my people what is happening? I am still struggling to keep up with my own demand I made sometime at the beginning of the year to complete 50 blogs in 2024. This one right here will be officially number 30!! I averaged it out and with the few days left of the year, I would need to average two blogs per day to cram in the last 20 blogs after this one to complete the goal. It definitely seems doable, so let's see what really happens. I have titled this blog-- My first kiss, because I wanted to dive a little deeper with caution into this once in a lifetime moment. 

    I mentioned it in one of my prior blogs, which I highly recommend titled, "Sex - Don't equal love". I wanted to elaborate a lot on this idea of experiencing a first kiss. It has a lot more trajectory than I briefly mentioned. I thought about my first kiss ever since I was in fifth grade, when the whole concept of being boyfriend and girlfriend started surfacing and classmates were already talking about their kissing. I obviously always felt left out and so bad to know the boys I liked in school wouldn't even befriend me. I envied those pretty girls all the boys wanted to kiss and date even as stupid fifth graders. Once I entered middle school and high school the saga of not partaking in dating felt even worse. I tried my best not to think about it, but when even the youth at my local church was dating each other -- it felt pretty lonely and awful to be the ugly duckling nobody ever wanted. 

    So that was my overall perspective and experience in waiting for that oh so important moment in my personal life. When I entered college, I kept my focus on my studies and I still felt the pain of the void I still carried from not having any kind of dating experience. I always hoped I would be kissing my boyfriend for the first time or at the very least a guy I would actually end up dating in the long run. Neither of those two scenarios came true for me. I was sitting in bed chatting my life away with online strangers in the dating apps. One particular night in December, I was chatting with this guy who happened to live in close proximity to my location at that time, and he messaged me saying he really wanted to see me that same night. I was skeptical at first, and wondered what he could possible want from me of all people. After about maybe 30 to 45 minutes, he convinced me to just come out and meet him at the complex entrance in his car. I hesitated only for a few minutes, but he was persistent. He promised me things I had been longing to try out physically that seemed like teenager stage things, so based on that agreement I went to see him. 

    Once in the car, his immediate reaction was shocking to me, because out of no where he leaned in and kissed me. I wasn't expecting him to do that so I just sat there shocked not knowing what to do. It all happened so fast I couldn't really process it in the moment. I do remember he basically kissed me like a lizard with his tongue inserted for one second. It was a pop-kiss with a lizard poke -- that's how I would reference it. He also smelled and tasted like straight up weed. Which in retrospect makes sense as to why he didn't care how I looked or if he was even attracted to me. Men in general will do anything to satisfy themselves, but add the drug high and there is no reasoning behind anything. I basically didn't respond to his kiss, so he didn't repeat it afterwards but focused on the actual agreed interaction. To not be so graphic it was just a hickey on my neck and some second base action. Yes, a little more details actually happened but those are exclusive future husband privilege -- if he even wants to know. I was a virgin at that time, and he knew this so he didn't pursue making it to home base. I guess part of his consciousness didn't want that responsibility of being my first everything and also the risks of getting pregnant and such. 

    He was definitely attractive, and I remember he wore this like Hawaiian t-shirt that night when he came to see me. He was mixed so he obviously had that sex appeal. At that time, I believe he was in college and worked at a restaurant. We didn't keep in touch for that long, he basically texted to see if maybe I'd be down for some more action like all the way, but I was like, "no thanks" and he just left it at that. I do remember his name because it's one of those common names I mean assuming it was his real name. I do wonder if he ever got his life together, and if he finally settled down with a wife and a family. I will always remember him, because he was my first kiss unexpectedly and also my first other things too. Overall considering all the idiots that would come after him, he was considerably nice to me or maybe it was just the constant high that kept him mellowed out I guess. Okay, well there you have the all inclusive story of my first kiss experience and how it wasn't for love or even good at all. Truthfully, I've never been kissed in an authentic romantic way, it's always been in a lustful situation where 90% of the time they were under the fluence of drugs/alcohol. 

         Anyways it's my favorite part moment.  “You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes.” You are here for a reason and a purpose, so let Jesus show you the way. Thank you for your support and remember to view my YouTube videos using the best hashtag #️⃣ amilikey

Xoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)