Pre-Fall Updates #amilikey

 

    Hola mi gente querida!!! Hi my beloved people!! So I've been going back and forth about this personal update, but I feel like coming clean about it will also help in my own healing. I do admit I tend to overshare and talk too much about things I later have to take back. I am clearly still a working progress towards full maturity even though I am half of seventy, which begs to differ I shouldn't have much maturing to do. Unfortunately, I still don't have it altogether and it is super frustrating/debilitating/aggravating all in one. 

    Without further intro, after about four and half months of actively performing my new duties, I couldn't be more sure that the path I once saw as crystal clear isn't at all. My expectations of how things would unfold haven't come true at all and some variables I was aware of I didn't take into full consideration. I thought that by attaining this new certification and becoming a CNA, I would be: one- making more money (as I am literally doing more work than before especially physically), two - have the satisfaction that my work made a difference and I'd be genuinely happy doing it, and lastly - it would encourage the future path to nursing. None of those points have come true for me at least. The monetary discrepancy is a true injustice because despite not having the extensive years of experience, I am still doing the exact same work as those with experience and so for that reason alone I do deserve a raise to acknowledge my transition in employment. Of course people in leadership always just shift the inquiry to and from parties and never resolve anything in favor of the people doing the hard work. 

        I constantly saw basically all the techs complaining on how much they hated doing their work, but my naive and dumb good sentiment persona always drew the conclusion that these people only hated it because they had no patient advocacy or true human empathy. I never truly realized that the ratio is disproportionate to being able to provide actual quality care. Your daily assignment is always full of heavy medical needs patients and the routine is laid out to where there is hardly any time to recover from being on your feet and physically doing work. If you are lucky, you might get one or two helping RNs that actually assist you in doing the work other than giving orders. The overall expectation that your tasks are your responsibility alone and even if you are actively taking care of a patient, it doesn't matter if other tasks are completed late as long as you get them done yourself. 

    Most people would just draw the assumption that it is the particular specialty of the unit I work on or the few apples that make work harder than it should be. I realized that none of that really makes the overall experience as a care taker any less arduous. The institutions structure is setup for a tech to always feel overwhelmed no matter what unit they work on, and the variety of patients is complex but always very hefty in one way or another. I personally hold hygiene as a basic standard, and to have to convince someone to allow me to help them get clean is super demoralizing to say the least. Elderly people have the right to refuse treatment, but denying hygiene is just so discomforting to have to deal with in both the unpleasant physical aspect and also having to do so much to help out. I never accounted that I would be constantly sweaty from going in and out of rooms whose temperature is just not within reason to my liking. 

    Finally, the aspect that is most discomforting that I thought I could overcome, is the constant life criticism from patients that are alert and oriented. I love sharing my personal story of survival, but to have to answer to strangers why I am just a measly tech is absolutely infuriating. I know for the rest of my life I will be judged, and everyone gets judged because it's our human nature to pass judgement. However, I would prefer you keep that judgement internally and not question me for my current status of labor. They just assume that I am unintelligent and I of course never even made it to a real university, because this job doesn't require such high level of education. If they even have any respect for my abilities, they ask if I will pursue nursing afterwards or currently; which is now a definite "No, thank you!!!" The physical strain on my body from just being on my feet for a twelve hour shift has been very enlightening, and add to that doing even more work than just standing. 

    I have also experience the ugly verbal abuse from patients that are mentally unstable; which I know every medical healthcare professional has experienced before (especially in a hospital setting). I don't want to be exposed to such harsh verbal abuse even if it is just a medical mental illness of being disoriented. I don't need to hear it or want to either; not to mention the physical things I've been exposed to that I also don't want to see at all. I thought I'd never be "cat-called" to put it lightly by men that are obviously ill, but it has also happened a few times and it is super aggravating even if they're just throwing me a mercy flirt. Even as a nurse, none of these aspects would change, and I see them constantly struggling with the overwhelming overload of heavy needs patients. I like helping people, but the corporate and patient abuse towards the medical staff is not one I want to partake for in the long-run in a hospital setting. 

    I hate that out of desperation to feel like I was making progress, I enrolled in prerequisites for nursing and endured a whole semester of wasted time and money that I barely have to be spending so carelessly. I had to withdraw from the summer term and loose the entire summer tuition because I withdrew before the reimbursement deadline still thinking I could push through working full-time and being a student. I literally was falling asleep on my first exam I had to take after getting home from work and of course I failed because I was half asleep and didn't schedule enough time to study. I solute everyone who gets through a full-time job and schooling because it is the hardest thing in life. I barely made it through one semester of it and it was super debilitating. 

    In conclusion, I really wish I would have used discernment to ask God if investing my time and money on this CNA and prerequisites was the right step forward. I hate to admit I was wrong about both, but here I am admitting it was the wrong decision and investment. It only brought about clarity of what I don't want to pursue and endure for the rest of my life. As much as I like helping people, looking at gnarly wounds, and trying to encourage others through shared medical experience - I will retrieve back to an administrative position where I excel most and feel most comfortable. I know I care for these patients to the best of my ability, and even if I am a bit slow I do it with love. However, I do deserve better and I am capable of much more than manual labor which is what being a tech is really all about. People will always flinch and get that startled look when they see me, but from a clerical position, it doesn't give them much time to ask me so many personal questions and the interaction is set to a one or two time short limit. I gained a new admiration and appreciation for nurses I will never forget, but I won't pursue being miserable for a few days just to have more days off to recover from the mental/physical strain of the career. 

    I dislike greatly that I still don't know my actual calling in life even though I have been asking God for many years. It seems like everything I have pursued in the past I have just been good at but never like superb. People say just follow your passion or utilize your gifts; but what exactly are my gifts? I thought I was a great speaker/talker, but no one ever remotely considers me for a presentation. I have gotten that awful dry mouth, shaking hands whenever I have spoken here and there, so clearly I am not that great at it. I thought perhaps my writing could make the difference, but here we are eight plus years into my blogging and I have gained a pathetic $2.15 in ads commission. Which honestly is the equivalent of zero because until I make it to one hundred dollars I can't even claim it. No one hardly ever reads my blogs other than to maybe be nosey, and I know there are a lot of grammatical errors and fragmented sentences. Run on sentences and just not the high quality writing a publisher might be seeking, so it might seem weird - but I cannot with confidence say I know what I excel at in the form of a talent/gift. Despite the unknown, I will continue to live life for Christ and hope my questions are answered. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

Running 101 #amilikey

 

    Hi readers of the world!! I consider myself an amateur runner even though I have been doing it relatively consistent for over 4 years now. I have participated in just a few races from 5K to 5 miles. Obviously, never medaled any prices but definitely finished the races and not the last one. Major Lol. It all began with a former personal trainer I had who inspired and motivated me to start running with just one mile during my lunch break.

    

     At the time, I had a guaranteed hour break for lunch so it made it feasible to complete and the location was absolutely perfect. My very first run took me a little over 13 minutes just to complete one mile in the middle of the day in pure hot weather. I believe I did that for a whole week and by the 7th day I had the time down to about 10 minutes. After that initial week of one mile, he challenged me to do two miles and I was like, it seems too soon to jump from one to two miles but I did it anyways. I was able to complete my two miles each morning before work in about 26 to 28 minutes. Eventually I don't exactly recall when I started my pursuit of an actual 5K which is 3.1 miles, but the first 5K training lasted 48 minutes if my memory serves me well, and I thought I was never going to make it. 

    As the time passed by, I kept at it and eventually got my 5K down to 38 minutes for my very first official virtual race. My latest 5K time came down to 36 minutes and 36 seconds this past April in 2025. Honestly, had I prepped better with more sleep and rested a day or two before the race without working I would have perhaps made it to 35 minutes, so that was quite a bummer. Now, that is just an overall summary of how I got started into running and how it has progressed over the years. I still have so much more improvement to make and many races to participate in down the road. What I really wanted to discuss is the ins and outs of the whole exercise from my perspective. 

    First of all, running is not easy, and the most difficult part is not the physical aspect but the mental fortitude you have to exert each and every time you go for a run. Even after several years of amateur running, after the first mile I am already tired and my body wants to say "okay, that is enough you can stop now". Now, this is where the real runner in my point of view is made, because she/he will push past this natural instinct to want to stop and keep running. I often get discouraged when I can't really improve my timing, but I always tell myself, "you can at least finish the 5K mileage and work on the endurance". 

    Next, running is not cheap at all, people think it doesn't take much to actively participate in running, but the reality is that this activity requires a financial investment. You need a great pair of running shoes, which are not going to be under $50 dollars tops; you need several running outfits because otherwise you'll be doing laundry a lot more often; nutrition wise you literally have to invest in healthy food and supplement items to replenish the sweat -- so taking in electrolytes in drinks or snacks; when you actually want to test out your training in a real race -- you have to pay to be in the race and it all racks up. So, be mindful that even if you never run in a real race with other participants, you will spend money to be able to run even on your own. 

    Also, the actual running-world of people that partake of this physical activity are usually for the most part semi-athletes and they are like the popular social group. They are not welcoming to outsiders who don't look like them physically in a fit body, or at least no one in any of the races I've participated has ever genuinely welcomed me to the social running group. I always get the "what the heck is she doing here with those burnt legs?" No one has ever verbally said it out loud in that same manner, but if looks could kill, well I'd definitely wouldn't be here for sure. They all question my physical ability to run, but beyond that it's also like they don't feel comfortable having me as part of the runners because it looks so disturbing to their perfect fit physique. I know am not the fastest runner nor will I ever be or win anything, but running makes me happy and I do enjoy it a lot. So, beware that the social aspect of running is also very tailored to this concept of aesthetics, and affluent upper social class that doesn't accommodate to outsiders. (Another mental fortitude you have to be prepared to endure) 

    Finally, although the causes for races are always noble and raising awareness for several issues is important, I believe there is a large gap that forgets about those wishing they could partake and these people are being robbed of a great opportunity to enjoy running at a larger scale like being in a race. In other words, all these races have a price point, from my recollection there aren't any free races because the whole point of these events is to raise money for a cause. I know that there are races with a minimum participation fee, but even with such a low price point -- some people in low income housing can't afford it or afford to be involved. I get that it takes money to sponsor a race, I also know that if more people invested in the happiness of those less privileged then we would have a better society. People throw away their money adopting pets (I believe animals can fend for themselves and domestication has ruined natures natural course, but that's beside my point) why not adopt an amateur runner and sponsor them to be able to run. 

    Alright, that is as much insider perspective as I can add to this topic and I hope it brings about some enlightenment to those curious about running. I hope I didn't discourage you from becoming a runner, but I hope it does help you better mentally prepare to what you will encounter overall. On that note, I will not be running in this year's Bolt Run downtown by Amalie Arena, for several reasons I have personally but mainly the amount of work it takes to prepare for 5 miles is serious work and given my current line of work I barely have energy to run at all on my in between days off. I commend all those who work 12 hour shifts on their feet all the time, because it is physically exhausting not to mention the other physical labor intensive work that I do overall. So, running is fun overall, it will test you in many ways and require a lot of your time to actively stay in it.  So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :)

     

Bandwagon #swifty #amilikey

 Greetings 🫡 y’all!!! 

It’s been a hot minute since I had the motivation to post. I sincerely appreciate the micro views, but at the same time it’s also discouraging to know the audience doesn’t interact with me at all. No one ever leaves a comment, not even to criticize my writing or my statements. I also know that the ending remark is what makes people walk away, but despite my bad record and tarnished testimony as a Christian - I do believe in Jesus Christ and know He is the one and only truth in life. 

Now, you might be thinking what this topic is all about and considering how many people on social media are jumping on this bandwagon of pop culture news, I’d figure I’d give my two cents as well and maybe use it for my advantage of getting a few more views. My total profit from ads since 2018 is a whopping $2.00 dollars. That is probably the worst increase in the history of blogging, but I am honest about what I share in my writing and that’s all I can stay true to. 

I consider Taylor Swift aesthetically the equivalent of a Barbie and no one can deny how beautiful she is physically. As far as her singing talent goes, she’s good but she’s not a vocal powerhouse and her lyrics aren’t impressing. She is only profitable because she’s pretty and her songs are just catchy. Now, her personal love life has been a train wreck from the beginning. A person who has had multiple partners is not showing you how amazing they’re because they’ve had so many. It is the exact opposite of what a healthy person would reflect. I honestly don’t believe her marriage if it actually happens will be successful, not because I’m wishing her downfall but because she’s not in a healthy position to commit for life. She hasn’t healed from all those past failed relationships and adding one more isn’t going to fix it. Obviously 🙄 she needs Jesus and so does he, but celebrities hardly ever make it last or work— I mean look at Jlo and how much she swore this time it was a dream come true. 

I’m not judging Swifty but that’s just how I see it from an outsider perspective. And I obviously pray she uses her skills and talents to spread the gospel when she repents and accepts the Lord Jesus as her Lord and Savior. If Daddy Yankee can turn his life around after 20 plus years of doing secular music that degrades women and relationships, then Taylor Swift can also be a part of a powerful transformation. If it’s the Lord’s will they truly be together then I pray they both come to Jesus sooner than later. Celebrities are still people in need of salvation and I as a believer often dismiss them entirely, but I do pray for them all. 

Now again, no one is perfect, but marriage is not a joke or a transaction you go into and out of it like swiping credit cards. Marriage, the only sacred covenant between a man and a woman, is a serious commitment and all people should take it seriously. Remember you are not a mistake because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes. You are here for a reason and a purpose, so allow Jesus to guide you in that path. Thanks for tuning in and hopefully someone gets something good out of this humble micro viewed blog!!! Till next time !!! For more great content #amilikey on all social media. 

Xoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)