Eye Candies #amilikey

 

    Hey everyone!!! So I am like super on a crunch to get this 50 blog goal this year to success. I know I wanted to even it out throughout the year and post more frequently but obviously I didn't discipline myself as I should have done all along. Nevertheless, as basic of a goal I still want to see it through and ensure me a great big checkmark at the end of this year. 

    I know the majority of my stories don't interest the worldwide audience especially when I make emphasis of the Lord Jesus Christ, but I could care less because He is my reason for living and I want to ensure that He remains number one in my life always. I have struggled with having healthy relationships all my life. Even as a kid, in school I was always toss and swapped from one group to the next because I never fit in. I did my best to keep a low profile and remain as invisible as possible. All the so called "friends" were fake people in my life that only interacted with me in the moment, but after the moment happened they were the first to forget about me. All the signatures on my school yearbooks are nothing but lies. All that "keep in touch" and "you are the best" were bull crap. 

    So given the reality of my social situation, I try to distract myself with eye candies. Let me define an eye candy - a man who I find attractive because he has good-looking features. I look and smile from the visual gratification of seeing someone who is cute. Afterwards, that is the end of the moment. I see them and I enjoy the sight and move on right next to whatever is going on in my life. I have never established a connection or even a basic acquaintance relationship with any eye candy I have ever had for more than maybe a short time lived. As soon as they find out about my eye candy reference towards them, it's like being back in school with that yuck rhetoric of "eww she has cooties." I get that none of them will see me as their eye candy, but to automatically feel that grossed out feeling because someone like me finds them attractive is just so annoying and yes hurtful too. So, the majority of all the eye candies happen to be the meanest/stupidest men in the world too. 

    A fresh example, at my current job - I have an eye candy that I've known since I started there over a year ago. Given my great research skills I figured out his name and found him on LinkedIn as well. I mean it's not rocket science, and he wants to pursue a career as a surgeon. Before I messaged him and requested him on LinkedIn, I had also sent him a funny thank you eCard via the work email. Of course he never bothered to look at it or if he ever did, he never said thank you or mentioned it at all. He comes to my unit very randomly from time to time, but he always has the same demeanor towards me or in general. He never says hi or smiles. He is always so cold and silent. But I obviously have seen him smile before and talk all friendly with his immediate coworkers, so clearly it's selective behavior towards others. I mean I know he is way out of my league in many ways and we are not compatible at all. But it won't hurt to be amicable and perhaps become colleagues that could somehow be a benefit towards each other as a networking opportunity. Yes, I do find him attractive, but I know how to control myself and act professional. 

    One funny now eye candy was a sports celebrity I used to call "my husband" back in the day. He was Alex Rodriguez the NY Yankees baseball player. I was obsessed with him in high school. Every time I would see him on TV I'd literally touch the TV and say that stupid phrase. Major Lol. Now, in my more mature life as an adult, I am embarrassed that I used to do that and I have to just laugh at myself. He hasn't aged well at all and the fact that he has dated some shady females like Madonna and JLo it's even more gross. So that is basically the gist of how I acquire eye candies and how it is the most innocent and annoying social aspect of my life. 

    Eye candies are a fun momentary distraction until they know and it becomes hurtful/painful to be regarded in such a demeaning way of rejection with discuss. Well, hope someone at least once reads this blog and gets something out of it. Also, proves my main stands against being called beautiful -- the good-looking men never ever see me as "beautiful", to them I couldn't be more repulsive. I know who I am and what I am and my beauty died a long time ago and I accept it and can still live past that aspect of my life being gone for good. I am smart, funny, caring and overall amazing personality. I look nice when I smile and I can be my own kind of cute, but that is about it and that is the only real truth. So every time I hear that word - I am like wow what a liar and suck up pity party fool. Anyways, remember you are not a mistake because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes. You have a purpose and a reason to live even if you aren't anyone's eye candy. You might be average and let's be real even a little less than average, but who cares - you have other more important qualities and attributes. 

Thanks for tuning in and let's see how many I can crank out tonight. 

Xoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)