Viral Outlook

 

    Good evening beloved bloggers!!! I am here -- finally after again in my usual slum of non-dedication to this blog site. I have to own it: I used to think if only I had internet at home I'd blog daily or weekly. It has been a year now since I reinstated my home service and as you can see -- that commitment is non-existent. The irony of wanting to blog so badly when I didn't have access to it fully versus having it and not doing it. Anyways, it's just an observation I had to put out there because it just popped into my brain as I started blogging. 

    I've had five personal laptops/desktop since I graduated high school, and I have to say I do miss the big screen and wireless keyboard. Another non-relevant side note I shared just because I like to get personal. Now to my topic of the night, I wanted to shed my POV on this COVID-19 pandemic we have been going through since last year. Everyone's experience is different and that is what makes our lives worth living. In my particular case, after being reluctant to resign from my then employment because I didn't want or was convenient for me to work from home -- I too abhorred this virus. 

    We can all agree that this virus has made our lives a lot more uncomfortable than we wanted and it made us realize we did not have it altogether. In the beginning, I never thought wearing a mask would actually become the norm for all public gatherings; these masks are now a new item on the grocery lists, because the reusable ones aren't long term use friendly. On the hot days of summer and fall, wearing a mask at work just was brutal even if it was outdoors. The mornings or times I actually forgot my mask I had to pay up the gas station fee which was ridiculously pricey for just one mask alone. 

    During these early days, I also thought well given the fact that I am uninsured there's no way I'll ever be able to afford the vaccine. Obviously, I wasn't paying attention to the news when they discussed the roll-out of the vaccine. Fast-forward to today -- I can finally say with confidence -- I am one shot away from my full vaccination. People are hesitant to get the vaccine and I understand their concerns, but if you are able to get it done than I say go for it. I am grateful that this vaccine is free of charge and they have made it accessible to all communities with multiple sites opened. 

    Honestly, I never thought I'd be vaccinated so quickly and above all I am merely assisting in our efforts to finally recover from this pandemic in the smallest of ways -- by being vaccinated. I want to do so much more -- I do -- and make a bigger change in society, unfortunately for now this is my way of contributing. If it was up to me I'd be the one administering more shots or being the one to help with distribution or just the actual medical care of those infected. I'm not an irresponsible person, so I know I am not medically qualified to do most of these medical care treatments, but I encourage those who are licensed and know how to medically help to do so. 

    I miss seeing people's smiles and I miss people seeing my smile. Although I never really got to enjoy all the outdoors activities there are to participate in: I still believe we are social people who need one another to socialize without so many restrictions. I am praying we no longer have to wear masks and that the gathering capacities return to normal everywhere. My biggest lesson during this pandemic has been to appreciate my freedom to go outside. The few consecutive days I quarantined felt like an eternity, and it made me appreciate my freedom that much more. Let us pray for those who have given up that freedom by being locked up in jail/prison or who are being held captive against their will. 

    Well, that is all I have for you all right now. Hope these short blogs someday make a difference in the life of somebody. Fame is never the end goal, but if it takes that to reach those in need than I do not objectify against it. One last small personal share: I probably have more journal entries than I do blog posts, but I just love writing period (mainly because as I write I am the sole speaker without interruptions). Again, I thank you for viewing my modest blog and I welcome your feedback!!! 

    If you messed up again, if you can't find the answer, if you are in the valley low: I want to let you know as hard as it is -- things can get better if you do not give up. Open your eyes and heart to God's calling and remember just because you are curious about faith doesn't mean you're a religious freak. Okay, have a great night and day too (in case the other side of the world views it ) Major Lol. 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :) 

    

This is who I am - Song/poem #amilikey

 

    Good Morning blogger viewers!!! I wanted to share something I wrote a while back that was very special to me and I had sort of left it on the back burner. I thought it could be a song, but I can't sing eloquently --- so it's easier to read it as a poem. 

    Some people say it's not good to talk too much about yourself; however, I think if you have a great story behind yourself: then what are you waiting for? Just share what you have to share if you know it can help someone in the smallest of ways. Believe me when I say people are too shy to admit they need help with the simplest tasks sometimes --- you could be the one to assist by just sharing what you know/ been through yourself. 

    Okay without further intro -- my song/poem :

    "Grew up thinking I was fine 

     But later on I realized 

     My truth was blurred by a mother's love 

     Am not the same as you 

    Why is it so hard 

     To live a life where I belong?

     I'm just another beating heart

    Trying to make it all along 

     This is who I am 

     scarred & flawed 

     All day long 

    This is who I am 

    Smart and not tall 

   But above it all 

   This is who I am 

          Chorus 

You see me smile 

For a while 

But don't you dare , think I'm scared 

To shed a tear 

To make a frown 

I'll make it clear 

I'm here to stay 

  So click that like 

  Or Step aside 

  I've come this far 

  Don't be alarmed 

  I'm a burn survivor 

  & I can conquer my all " 

Thanks again for viewing and reading my blog. As always don't give up on life as much as it knocks you down. Till next time --- remember to subscribe or like and share my blogs!!! Feedback is always welcomed. 

Xoxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :) 

     

Chapter 31 starts #amilikey

     Hey beloved people online who give oh so many views (cough cough ) not!!! Major Lol. Alright, it has been official for some time now. I am legally thirty-one years old. This new chapter in my life has started whether I was ready for it or not. I wanted my golden big numbered balloons, but it was so expensive I just couldn't do it this time around. Party city (tiene hambre de la buena --- google it) clearly needs to reevaluate their prices if they want to be a bit more inclusive of everyone who wants to celebrate important events. 

    Chapter 31 was celebrated with a nice birthday dress and cake -- view Instagram for the actual pics -- that I found at my local grocery store. Surprisingly received five different gifts this year and that was very nice. However, the very best unexpected gift in my life was being able to celebrate it with some social declutter and toxic removal. In life it is very hard to let go of what seems so comfortable and attachment to things/people who you think care about you. As they say, actions speaks louder than words: in my particular case, reactions speak volumes. I wish no one harm or hate on anyone, and I hope down the line they can actually see it that way. 

    My overall goals are still in progress and to those who constantly look at me with skepticism: I am not done making progress. Realistically speaking, "Yes" I should be way ahead of the curve but certain very bad choices in my part have hindered that success. Blame is a term no one wants to utilize, but I do blame no one other than me for my lack of achievements. The past 30 years of life have thought me valuable lessons and I will put them in place one at a time. To my past failed relationships: you clearly were not meant to be and I do deserve better even if I am not of your liking. 

    Starting a new chapter in my life is like hitting restart. There will be obstacles to jump over and many moments I will want to skip through; yet, none of it will stop me from continuing my journey with my faith. Despite the opposition and the questioning of my own faith, I know who I am and whose I am. God choose me to survive life altering situations and although I haven't been the most faithful: I have never turned away from God for good. My walk in Christ has been shaky and I've committed many sins I will regret forever, but none of that has ever eliminated my desire to serve Him and do whatever it is He wants me to do in life. People say I am judgmental because I speak truth about concepts I do not agree with or tolerate. I say they are wrong in perceiving me in such manner due to their disagreement of ration. 

    I am excited to live out my purpose in life and relieved that God is clearing out my path for greater things to come. I blog because I can, but more importantly: I do it as a way to express all that I have experienced with those in need of some encouragement. Do I have things to learn? Do I make mistakes? Do I open up easily ? Do I need to grow more maturely? Yes!!!! The answer will always be an affirmative yes. Moreover, as I display my life to you, I merely hope you can obtain a little bit of hope to move forward with your own timeline. Not everyone will be a prom king or queen, so remember that you can at least vote for who will become one. In other words, you may not be physically beautiful to popular opinion, but you can still have an impact on making your life count as a beautiful voice.  

     As always, remember God does not make mistakes and therefore your life has a reason to coexist here on planet earth. Finding that purpose: it won't be simple. Scream, cry and punch the pillow if you have to, but never give up on life because it is a hard one. Rejoice in the very small blessing you have now and get ready to acquire new ones up ahead if you place your full trust on Jesus the son of God. Take care and thank you for reading my humble blog. 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Love, 

Ana :)  

Relationship goals!!! #amilikey

 

    Greetings fellow few bloggers of mine!!! We are here in 2021; I don't know how we made it but we did it somehow. No need to rehash what went down in 2020. I just want to say I am forever grateful for my health and sanity still in place despite the horrible things that went down last year. 

    

    I made new friends over social media and in person. They each are special to me in their individual ways. I can attest to really learning a lot more about the dynamics of friendships and relationships in general. One particular individual, really has opened my eyes to see the flaws no one else was willing to enlighten me in, because they didn't have to interact with me on a daily basis. Looking back on it now I totally see how others perceived me as annoying. I am a mini sound effects lady and I do it naturally all the time without noticing it. My expressions are genuine in the moments reaction and I don't even notice them as they happen. I saw "ewwww" a lot and "Ohhhhhh" with the surprised expression too. 

    I do come off as very child-like persona, people don't take me seriously because I am too bubbly/cheery 24/7. It has taken a lot out of me to admit those traits can be overwhelming to deal with and I would benefit from toning it down. I am not a clown that laughs at just everything and anything either. My emotions are coming from a place of self-expression and not an automatic repetitive response to everything around me. One cannot ever please everyone around you; however, there is a medium to contain yourself from overdoing it with people who are not close to you. In short, keep the real you to close peers only so that no one can come back accusing you of being too this too that. 

    A real friend will not take advantage of your situation, but they will help you get out of it or move forward from it. Friends are not meant to hinder your growth or progress; they are to allow you to blossom into the person God created you to be. No one is perfect, the good and the bad times roll along in everyone's life and a friend sticks by your side in the high or lows. Sharing is caring, but the most important details of your life are best left to your inner circle of less than 10 people. 

    Apart from friendships, there are other very important relationships that need to be valued and appreciated. Sons and daughters -- let us not neglect those who brought us into this world --- remember to love your parents despite their method of parenting towards you. Brothers and sisters -- after our parents pass away we only have each other --- let go of rivalry and animosity amongst each other, as we are not here to compete with one another but build each other up for success. Cousins and cousins (Major Lol) --- do not have sex with each other as there are so much more none related DNA fish in the sea please--- beware of your family and bond with them while they're still here. Grandmas and grandpas do not take on the role of parents to your grandkids; it is your child's responsibility to raise their own kids now. Uncles and aunties, do not cover up for your nieces and nephews to gain their love, rather let it be a love that comes naturally from them to you. 

    Romantically, I am so not an expert to having that special someone. I am trying to acquire experience, but above all things my faith comes first. Do not allow someone to change your life long dreams and morals just because they boost to know more than yourself. It takes two to tango and it takes two to make things happen. This notion of having sex with yourself is absolute nonsense; real sex is between a man and a woman point blank. Lord knew it would take more than one person to build a family and a home, so do not rush your relationship status just to have someone next to you. A man should always be the one to approach a woman in a respectful manner and anything apart from that creates a self-doubt of real intention from their partner. Best advice I have experienced in dating, it feels good to split the bills 50/50 -- out for dinning, shopping, movies, Ubers -- it makes the relationship a shared experience. No one is putting in more effort than the other and it allows for both partners to be seen as equal. 

    Well that is all I have for now. Hope this was a nice piece that can help you in some way and allow you to open up your eyes to the reality of relationships. Have a great day and as always thanks for reading this humble blog. Happy New Year too !!!! 

Long live my hashtag #amilikey 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :) 

   

Running for my life

 Hey bloggers!!!!!! I know I have neglected you all once more, but what can I say -- I have been pretty occupied. Work is work. No new news there unfortunately. I have met new people thru "work" and some have left a memorable impact on me personally. Wish and pray the very best for them as always. 

The more exciting news to me is the new hobby I picked up about two weeks ago. I have been actively seeking to be healthier and be more active. I took advantage of my lunch hour and asked my now official coach to send me a 10 minute ab workout for me to do. I received the text with the link and enjoyed it. Afterwards, he challenged me to run a mile too and I took the challenge. It started out with just one mile and then incorporated the 2 miles per day for about a week. I feel great at the end of my run when I am actually done. Major Lol. 

The drip sweat feels really empowering like I am a champion. I know there is so much more for me to train and get in shape but I am loving this new fitness lifestyle. Hopefully that 5K will be conquered before my next birthday. I just want to share this new activity in my life and if you are interested there is also a short video on my YouTube channel you can view. Just go to YouTube and type my all time favorite hashtag #amilikey and you will find it. 

It's never too late to start a new hobby for a good reason. Something that motivates you and fuels your inner fire for success. I want to be the best version of myself I can be and this will be manifested in my new running performance. I will see you all at the finish line each and every time metaphorically speaking!!! 

As always, thanks for stopping by and giving me the opportunity to share a little piece of my life with you all, hoping to motivate and inspire you as well. Remember you are not a mistake because God is perfect and HE does not make mistakes. You have a purpose and life gets better when you appreciate the small stuff and share your love with someone else, start with a genuine smile!!!

Xoxoxoxoxo - Ana ") 

Access Denied

    Welcome to the one and only most none-viewed public blog in all America/Universe!!! Major Lol. Not funny at all home-girl, but I give you credit for lifting my spirit. I know looking back, I acted premeditated in my decision to resign; however, I was truly unhappy and embarrassed to provide such bad quality service to the clients due to the company's infrastructure. Coming into the market again, I knew it wasn't gonna be like bam in just a few days or even weeks like less than single digits -- I would be rehired. Clearly, COVID-19 has made this task that much more difficult and frustrating. There should be a law that prohibits people like me with the desire to work and be a productive citizen to have to climb mountain Everest just for a interview. 

    I desperately wish there was a system that monitored the productivity of every citizen and allowed them to be integrated into the workforce at a much more smooth transition. If you wanted to earn a living, you should be able to attend this one of a kind facility where they would automatically find you employment within two weeks. Something that you were skilled in and if they couldn't find something within that time period -- at least allow you to do something to earn a paycheck that was dignifying even as a manual labor. No- one should have to struggle this much to be employed due to the lack of resources available to them. I take full ownership for not being a driver with my own MOT (mode of transportation), but I still have skills that are constantly overlooked mainly because of my physical appearance. 

    I am not a model nor do I pretend to exude beauty that I will never have again-- so long as I live. I am fully aware that my skin texture and complexion displeases the general population; yet, my aptitude and efficiency compensates for it all. Executing tasks in an office environment are my strong hold and I am smart enough to progress even further if given the opportunity. It doesn't take someone who is pretty to type information into a system, it doesn't require someone to look beautiful to attend customers, and it doesn't involve someone gorgeous to get the job done right. Sure, attractive personnel is more pleasing to everyone including myself, but I do not let that stand in my way of expecting a great quality service regardless of who is in position. 

    Employers way too often have given me the -- Access Denied -- moment over and over again. The very few who either saw past my physical imperfections or signed a convenience contract know that I wasn't a lousy employee. I might have been a bit slower when it came to finishing all the cleaning in one unit of the hospital, but it was only because I ensured myself that I attended to each patient with love and care. It meant that I made sure to bring them the extra supplies they lacked and I cleaned the nurses rest area completely without cutting corners like all the rest. I can honestly say I worked very hard in each one of my past jobs and I gave it my all. 

    I am praying for a miracle at this point. I have no funds left to meet my needs, but hardship is not an unfamiliar territory for me now. It feels so impotent to not be in the workforce; rather, I would choose to be tired from a long days work than in agony to feel useful again. All my life, all I have ever desired and dreamed of is my full independence. I cringe in defeat every time I revisit my timeline-- viewing missed opportunities. I don't know how people can just live a life of mediocrity and not feel like they owe society a fair share of the responsibility to live accurately. For too long-- I have been a dependent on others and I hate it-- my addition to society has been minimal. 

    Overall, being denied access to the workforce since I was 19 has been the hardest obstacle in my life hands down. Everyone and I truly mean every breathing soul -- has the right to work or be incorporated into society in one way or another. Special ed. people with mental disabilities can still make small projects possible and they are just seen as a burden on society. Yes, it is a super-challenge, and yes it will take a lot of time to be one-on-one with each person to assist them into giving a small part of their effort. Society as a whole is corrupt and selfish. It breaks my heart to witness the indifference of almost everyone towards me and others who are also deprived of opportunities to feel self-worth in what they contribute to humanity. 

    Despite so many doors being closed in my face metaphorically speaking, I am still here pushing my wheelbarrow up the hill. The best saying my mom ingrained into my skull has always been, "while there is still life, there is also hope." My heart has always said, "it is possible" while my brain battles for, "be logical -- it won't happen." Let us embrace our hearts positive outlook and tell the brain to shut up for once. 

Remember, it all looks dreary now with low expectations, but even so you are not here by your moms and dads broken condom alone. Thank you for reading my humble blog, and make sure you use #amilikey on most popular social media platforms!!!

- Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

    - Ana :)

        

But I am here now...

    Hey you bloggers of mine!!! At this very moment in time I have to be honest with myself: my blog gets crap views and nobody cares to comment or share. So, what do I have left: a therapeutic outlet for myself and an online public journal. Maybe in another five to ten years this might get at least 100 views per day, but I don't even know what that would mean in the scope of popularity. I always wonder how these other people literally live off just writing blogs, and make enough to live affluently, but it is what it is. 

    The only reason I ever started writing blogs was because I discovered it was free of charge to me and that made it super exciting. I could share my thoughts and experiences with everyone who cares to read it and I was hooked. Yes, I had to restart it, because the original one was deleted about 2 years ago (wish I wouldn't have done that). So, back to the theme of my blog entry, I am here now and there is no going back in time. 

    Do I have regrets? OMG, are you kidding me-- I have more than I can account for!! My regretful moments are so bountiful that it just puts a sad face emoji on my face every time. One would think my regrets are only related to bad choices like going on random dates or waking up with throw-up in your hair, but my regrets go beyond the average "teenage defiance". I look over everything I have been through and I just keep wishing I would have made more profitable choices concerning school and lifestyle choices. For example, as soon as I started community college, I felt some sense of freedom I had never experienced and instead of utilizing it wisely: all I did was waste money on junk food and eating out every day. I had been a good student in high school and was able to earn a bright futures scholarship among others; thus providing the funds to purchase lunch & snacks every day on campus. 

    I could have been so much smarter and just purchased a lunchbox and made lunch to bring to college and saved probably half of all the money I had spent during those semesters. I could have used that extra money and just gotten the damn mother ephen license that has me tormented now. I knew I needed it, but I just kept putting off saying : what's the point of having a license if I don't have a car to drive, so I'll just wait to graduate and get a "great- paying job". I couldn't have been more stupid if I tried. It was this very basic skill that kept me from so many opportunities and limited the very object of my schooling which was to be employed. I thought in 2014 I was going to conquer this skill once and for all and again I failed miserably. I did the book smart portion and went down to the DMV and got the learners license with no problem. During that summer I had planned to finally land some type of part-time work to fund my driving lessons and bam I would finally move on with my life, but no that's not what happened at all. I suffered a horrible episode of illness that lasted the whole summer and it derailed me from my goals. 

    I obviously haven't given up on this damn basic skill that makes me feels so incompetent and less of an adult -- not that I even feel like an adult. In 2015, I again was focused on employment, so I again attempted to do a technical diploma thinking that would be a easier way to be employed -- again I failed. This course was not technical because it required passing a Florida board exam for physical therapy assistant, and I was only able to get through the preliminary courses to apply to get into the program. I had already run out of funds because this school was a private one and given my extensive years in college financial aid had already been exhausted. Somehow I was able to go back to finish up the very last credits I needed for my B.A in 2016 and again was on the waiting game for employment. The following year at 27 years of age, I finally landed my very first employment and it was both exciting and embarrassing to think it took me this long for a mere part-time at a mom & pop small business. 

    The struggle continued as I searched for another job, in 2018 I was enrolled in technical school for MOA (medical office administration) and worked a few months as a housekeeper at a local hospital. I thought for sure after finishing my externship, I was going to be employed easily and finally have that sense of financial stability I longed for, but nope that didn't happen either. I stupidly gave up my hospital job to complete my externship and after I worked at that office for free as an intern -- no hire, no referral, and no nothing. I landed a MOA job around April of 2019 that also didn't last because that office was a fiasco and they were taking advantage of me. So why am I summarizing my work history? To highlight that I regret listening to my damn school counselors back in high school thinking a 4 year degree would solve all my problems. 

    I am not against going to college, what I hate now more than anything is to compare everyone's individual situation to a straight path into higher education. The basic life skills are crucial to being able to move forward as a productive adult. I didn't have those basic skills as a high school senior and I didn't know how much I needed them until I didn't have them. So I regret not taking the time to look at technical options given my financial necessity to obtain license, car and independence. I wish I would have selected a medical technical option straight out of high school, but instead I sought after that glorious university diploma. Perhaps even focusing on getting a mediocre job first until I got the basics and saved up some money to start college. My mother only feared that if I began making money I wouldn't want to go back to getting a higher education. 

    There you have it, just some of the other things I regret not doing in the right order and at the right time. Now, all I can do is be grateful I had the "college" experience for whatever it is worth or owed, because some will never have access to higher education no matter how hard they try. I honestly say because I haven't reaped the results of my degrees: it makes it very hard to appreciate what I have accomplished. Let me even go one more layer deeper into the before and after. I was born in a third world country of Colombia and I lived very differently than I do here in Florida. I was one of those who experienced the true scarcity of basic every day living conditions. At that time, I didn't think much of it because I was just a kid growing up. Now, I remember it and I am left with an awe sensation of the drastic contrast of what little I had compared to now. I lived most of my childhood viewing a medium size room as the bedroom, dining room , and living room all at once. The thought of having a full room to myself seemed quite lavishing; running hot water; a washer and dryer ; a kitchen full with appliances; it is all these things I never thought of as the basic standard norm. 

    All in all, I know I haven't gone very far in life in terms of success, but viewing my life as a whole there has been progress. I haven't thrown in the towel anymore, because at one point in my life I had done so thinking there was no more reason to keep going. I will do better in weeks to come, and the things I still hope for will become a reality. Giving up doesn't do anything for me and there are many people depending on me to move forward. I shall overcome the stupid decisions I have made in the past that have stagnated my progress. My story will not end in status quo nor in ordinary bare minimum. I will make a difference in this lifetime, and it is not with popularity or millionaire status. 

    You screwed up, you dug yourself a whole, you did wrong by those that love you: so now it is your turn to let go of the past mistakes and push forward. You do matter and although you most likely screwed up with the timeline of your purpose, it is not a final cut to start that which God made you for in this life. Clearly, you are not alone, just look at my hot mess of a timeline: from then to now I will continue my journey to fulfillment in life. 

        Love, xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

        - Ana :) 

# amilikey