Access Denied

    Welcome to the one and only most none-viewed public blog in all America/Universe!!! Major Lol. Not funny at all home-girl, but I give you credit for lifting my spirit. I know looking back, I acted premeditated in my decision to resign; however, I was truly unhappy and embarrassed to provide such bad quality service to the clients due to the company's infrastructure. Coming into the market again, I knew it wasn't gonna be like bam in just a few days or even weeks like less than single digits -- I would be rehired. Clearly, COVID-19 has made this task that much more difficult and frustrating. There should be a law that prohibits people like me with the desire to work and be a productive citizen to have to climb mountain Everest just for a interview. 

    I desperately wish there was a system that monitored the productivity of every citizen and allowed them to be integrated into the workforce at a much more smooth transition. If you wanted to earn a living, you should be able to attend this one of a kind facility where they would automatically find you employment within two weeks. Something that you were skilled in and if they couldn't find something within that time period -- at least allow you to do something to earn a paycheck that was dignifying even as a manual labor. No- one should have to struggle this much to be employed due to the lack of resources available to them. I take full ownership for not being a driver with my own MOT (mode of transportation), but I still have skills that are constantly overlooked mainly because of my physical appearance. 

    I am not a model nor do I pretend to exude beauty that I will never have again-- so long as I live. I am fully aware that my skin texture and complexion displeases the general population; yet, my aptitude and efficiency compensates for it all. Executing tasks in an office environment are my strong hold and I am smart enough to progress even further if given the opportunity. It doesn't take someone who is pretty to type information into a system, it doesn't require someone to look beautiful to attend customers, and it doesn't involve someone gorgeous to get the job done right. Sure, attractive personnel is more pleasing to everyone including myself, but I do not let that stand in my way of expecting a great quality service regardless of who is in position. 

    Employers way too often have given me the -- Access Denied -- moment over and over again. The very few who either saw past my physical imperfections or signed a convenience contract know that I wasn't a lousy employee. I might have been a bit slower when it came to finishing all the cleaning in one unit of the hospital, but it was only because I ensured myself that I attended to each patient with love and care. It meant that I made sure to bring them the extra supplies they lacked and I cleaned the nurses rest area completely without cutting corners like all the rest. I can honestly say I worked very hard in each one of my past jobs and I gave it my all. 

    I am praying for a miracle at this point. I have no funds left to meet my needs, but hardship is not an unfamiliar territory for me now. It feels so impotent to not be in the workforce; rather, I would choose to be tired from a long days work than in agony to feel useful again. All my life, all I have ever desired and dreamed of is my full independence. I cringe in defeat every time I revisit my timeline-- viewing missed opportunities. I don't know how people can just live a life of mediocrity and not feel like they owe society a fair share of the responsibility to live accurately. For too long-- I have been a dependent on others and I hate it-- my addition to society has been minimal. 

    Overall, being denied access to the workforce since I was 19 has been the hardest obstacle in my life hands down. Everyone and I truly mean every breathing soul -- has the right to work or be incorporated into society in one way or another. Special ed. people with mental disabilities can still make small projects possible and they are just seen as a burden on society. Yes, it is a super-challenge, and yes it will take a lot of time to be one-on-one with each person to assist them into giving a small part of their effort. Society as a whole is corrupt and selfish. It breaks my heart to witness the indifference of almost everyone towards me and others who are also deprived of opportunities to feel self-worth in what they contribute to humanity. 

    Despite so many doors being closed in my face metaphorically speaking, I am still here pushing my wheelbarrow up the hill. The best saying my mom ingrained into my skull has always been, "while there is still life, there is also hope." My heart has always said, "it is possible" while my brain battles for, "be logical -- it won't happen." Let us embrace our hearts positive outlook and tell the brain to shut up for once. 

Remember, it all looks dreary now with low expectations, but even so you are not here by your moms and dads broken condom alone. Thank you for reading my humble blog, and make sure you use #amilikey on most popular social media platforms!!!

- Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

    - Ana :)