OMG I'm back and it hasn't even been that long since I shared my thoughts with you bloggers. Well, I thought this time I dig a little deeper than usual. I have talked about this topic before in my blog posts titled: Sex- don't equal love; born to porn? However, I'd like to touch on one specific aspect of this genre.
Let me brake it down for you non-pop-culture readers; when anyone in this age in time refers to the V-card: it means their virginity. I am not surrounded by the actual teens of this new age group, so they might have another lingo word to refer to it, but I like to use the V-card reference. So, with that being clarified I can now proceed to explain how I feel about loosing the V-card. I personally fell into peer pressure by some stranger and just literally let him have it as if it was something he should of ever been granted. I had absolutely no feelings for the bastard, nor was I even attracted to him. It was absolutely a remorseful regret I will carry forever.
So Ana how the hell did you still go through with it? Well, a part of me was still so nature based with curiosity to what sexual intercourse was all about and I figured I was already in the moment-- I might as well "try it out". I want to slap the living daylights out of myself for coming to this idiotic conclusion. I also, felt like since no one had previously ever even approached me in a "romantic" kind of way that my options were so limited and I felt the 40-year-old virgin stereotypical society accusation on my shoulders approaching. I thought I didn't want to be "looser" by still being a virgin at 24, which is like 100 to millennials, and all of that fear/insecurity led me to commit the most gut-wrenching mistake of my life.
After I got my cherry popped by some mundane fool I was "dating" online, I stupidly thought that he would appreciate me for giving him the most valuable possession I had kept safely up until that day. Absolutely wrong about thinking such thought, he only wanted to "date" me in order to keep milking me. I just wanted to experience what it would be like to have someone like me and be there for me as a real/genuine boyfriend. Never in my mind, did I agree to a sexual dating life where sex was a must have part of it, I just wanted someone to like me for me and have that "falling in love" experience.
Looking back on it, God did try to spare me from loosing my V-card so easily, yet I ignored all the headlight signs being flashed before me. He had the audacity to contact me years later to ask if I would sleep with him again for monetary exchange-- I was absolutely out-ragged that he for one second thought I would have interest in a sexual encounter with him again. I still can't believe he just assumed I was still so desperate and I would just give it to him. Hell No -- you asshole!!!! I know that what I did the first time around was absolutely retarded, but home-girl learned her lesson the hard way and she ain't never gonna just give it up. It took me four years later to make more sexual mistakes with other idiots, but I too have finally put an end to my reckless personal life choices. I will always regret everything and be ashamed of what I did and with whom I did it.
NOBODY and I mean nobody deserves to be allowed into your personal space intimately other than that one person who commits to you before God. Only your future spouse, should be the person rightfully entitled to enjoy the beauty that is love-making between a man and a woman. Your virginity is precious and you should not just throw it out there as if it had no value, because it is forever a jewel that is only discovered once in a lifetime. Learn to value yourself, and remember society is absolutely wrong in thinking you must do it to fit in and be normal. You nor I, are cars to be test driven-- we are human beings with a soul and heart that does not need to be sex-tested in order to be approved for marriage.
If I ever get the opportunity to really publish my autobiography -- I'll provide more juicy details of just how stupid I was during all those years of desperation and low-self worth. And no-- my book is not gonna be pornographic -- I just want to tell the story as it happened with PG-13 details. A little exclusive previous of how I would like to write my book will be chapter based of course and only 1 chapter will be titled my love life, so that gives a better perspective that I am not relying on my idiotic sex stories to be the emphasis of my autobiography.
Okay, thanks again for reading it my humble blog and remember you are significant because your maker is God!!!
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
- Ana :)
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