Chapter 35 has officially started!! #amilikey

 

       Good afternoon, I am officially a week into my 35th chapter and it has been relaxing considering I took off two weeks from my job. It was the right and best present I could have given myself. I wasn't able to set up an extensive itinerary like last year but at least I get some rest from work and that's also fulfilling. I did not make reservations for a fancy birthday dinner or lunch. I did not go out to eat anywhere special or at all, but there are for more important things going on in my life. 

      I kept the very basic traditions alive with getting my pampering through the manicure and pedicure. I actually went to get my haircut at the Supercuts and that was different. I really wanted to keep my hair length and dye it but it would have been more expensive and probably more damaging to the already mess of blended bottom colors. The hairstylist even said, "this will definitely get rid of the bleached bottom part," and I was like wow it looks that bad because it's not even bleached at all. So I am enjoying my short hair season again whether people like it or not it's none of my concern. Today my last class online started, so I am fully engaged in 5 classes that include a lab one course credit. Overall, I have met 97% of all my deadlines and kept my grades up except for Human Biology that has been kicking my butt for not putting sufficient study time for exams. I have a current 80 in the class so that's not the most exciting grade especially considering how important my transcripts are for entering in nursing school. 

      I admit I need to get more discipline and put the effort I want my grades to be reflexed as overall. Apart from being in my online courses, I also have to tighten up my training for my 5k coming up in exactly one month from tomorrow. I am not where I need to be time wise. My goal is to always finish faster than last year and that would mean doing it in 35 minutes. My last practice got me to 38:55 which is closer but definitely not close enough. I have a lot of family issues I have been dealing with that also come into conflict with my training, but I just have to be vigilant and push through the days I don't want to do anything. My YouTube channel gained some traction for a little while with some short videos and that was nice. I did gain subscribers I did not think had been added and I am currently holding the count to 80 so that's also heart-warming. 

      My annual physical is coming up in April, so I also need to clean up my diet to get the best possible numbers when it comes to my A1C and the rest of the bloodwork details. I am still struggling to loose those stubborn 20 Ibs according to the BMI index with them on I am overweight. I really wish I could calculate how much muscle mass I have actually acquired, because I feel like that also affects my overall weight. Last little detail about this new chapter, I had my eye exam last week and apparently I now require bifocal eyewear which is kind of alarming considering I just turned 35 and not 65 or 55. The optometrist said it wasn't anything to be alarmed with and everyone has different needs when it comes to their eyes. I am still shocked but I do want to be able to see as clear as possible at all times and my vision is vital to my everyday life. 

            Overall, I guess these were mainly life updates, but as always I appreciate the very few people who ever do read my blogs. I hope in the coming days I can bring about a different topic that is not directly related to my personal life. I can talk about other things other than me and I am a great writer despite the unbelief and doubt from peers. I can articulate a well thought out analysis and bring forth a productive discussion. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!! 

My YouTube is always up and running as well!! Just search #amilikey 

Xoxoxooxoxooxoxo, 

Ana   :) 

 

FWBs #amilikey

 

    I have briefly talked about it, but never in depth because it is too painful of a memory. I never knew it was a thing nowadays to have a friend with benefits(FWB). I never wanted to have that type of relationship ever, but it did happen to me twice. Almost simultaneous and they knew about each other too, so it was all toxic from the beginning and till the end. 

    I originally knew the second FWB since my teenage years and we had already established a brief friendship years prior to it escalating to the FWB status between us. We shall call him Nate for reference, Nate and I never deliberately discussed the condition or agreement of what we were doing at all. It was always just in the moment kind of deal. Nate always had some sense of remorse afterwards and swore he would never sleep with me again, but as soon as he was intoxicated and feeling horny he completely forgot about what he had said. I always felt guilty too for doing what was morally wrong from my beliefs and yet I kept coming around time after time thinking there could ever be something more than just plain FWB status. The romantic idiot in me always wanted to settle down for less in order to have something to hold on to and claim as my own. Nate never felt an ounce of feelings towards me, he used me the whole time and knew I was desperate for that void to be filled with someone who wanted me. 

    Our toxic relationship of being FWBs lasted on and off for over two years and it lead to dark roads in my own journey. At one point, I hate to admit it I even had a pregnancy scared and his reaction to it all was devastating. I will never forget the way he responded and how relieved he was to know thankfully it was just a false alarm. He literally said, "What will people think of me knowing I got you pregnant?" and "They'll probably make fun of me because of the way you look." "Or maybe that way they won't think I am so shallow," these were the statements he made in that moment. I should have ran farther than anyone else and never made contact with him ever again, and embarrassingly even after that episode I eventually went back to him during those two on and off years. It was a hard attachment, because we socialized a lot apart from just having sex. We went everywhere and constantly hung out doing normal day to day activities. He always gave me false hope and said things that made me consider staying to see it through. Those overanalyzed moments where he treated me nice and with extra care and eventually it always reverted to verbal abuse and aggressive reactions/combative dialogue. 

    I do not endorse or recommend anyone engaging in FWB relationships. They always end badly and someone (the woman) always gets hurt in the process. A relationship should be based on mutual likeness of one another and commitment to love/respect each other. No one should settle for the imitation of a relationship just because they do not want to be alone. You are worthy of being chosen as a real partner and given the love you expect in return. The first FWB was short lived and he was just as toxic as the second. The only difference between them was their age, race and approach to being a toxic FWB. I do not keep in contact with either one for obvious reasons, and I pray I never have to confront them in a real case scenario. I will say a simple "hi" and wave goodbye, but apart from that I don't want to relive everything I experienced. 

    We live and learn; it is best to leave the past in the past and only remember the lesson. Okay, well that was another small synapse of my wretched "love" life timeline. Thank you for all your support and as always my favorite phrase coming up: "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You have a purpose in life to fulfill, so no matter the hard times never give up and allow Jesus to show you the way to a genuinely happy life!

Xoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

My Birthday Month!! #amilikey

 

    Hello fellow peeps!! I am very happy to see another year come to a close and a new beginning to a new chapter called 35!! This one will be very bittersweet, because there are so many pending goals yet to be reached and milestones that haven't even remotely began. Last year, at the end of the year I thought I met someone great and he turned out to be just another liar. He wasn't serious about anything and he really hurt me in the sense that I believed this could be different. I figured he is a professional and he approached me so clearly it will be different. Nope, none of the above happened at all. I thought maybe even a real friend and colleague networking opportunity. After that one meetup, it all fizzled out and I kept begging him to keep in touch and he always said, "I'm sorry for ignoring you I've just been busy." And the same thing happened all over again. I didn't hear from him unless I (the idiot) texted him first. So I finally deleted his number and from my social media. He hasn't bothered to reach out to ask what happened nor does he even care. I think he is probably relieved that he doesn't have to hear from me anymore. 

    So anyways, I only brought it up because as I turn 35 in less than a month, I will still be on this market of singleness and my motherhood years are basically about to expire. I don't want to be an old mom for the first time and it really bothers me to have to accept the reality of it all. If anyone would have asked me if this is how my life would pan out as a kid I would have never believed them. I had so much hope and confidence in my future that I would have that white picket fence and a beautiful family by age 30. They say you should never compare your life with others, but how could you not feel left out when literally everyone around you has a career and a family of their own. It sucks point blank and there's not much I can do to change that narrative. So yeah, I will be half happy about celebrating another year while utterly crushed knowing I don't have a husband to celebrate it with or the prospects of having one soon. 

    I also felt bad not posting a blog in such a long time so I thought I share something. It's not like I have a real following or support from anyone on here anyways. I am just basically talking to myself 99% of the time. I am journaling my life away and hoping one lost soul might just come across this blog and receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I met two new colleagues at work that are fairly nice and that's nice. I wish I could remove the ones that aren't so pleasant but then it wouldn't be called work. Major Lol. Certain people just have that "not again" feeling hovering over them, because all they do is complain and contribute nothing. They talk so much about what others don't do and in the meantime I am like, " and you are doing what ?" Nothing too, so look real hard in the mirror because you are the problem and not the solution. Anyways, I just want to pass my upcoming human biology test tomorrow with an "A" and call it a day. (Hey that rhymes, major Lol) 

    Finally, in comparison to last year's celebration, I am under a strict budget and I won't be able to do nearly as much fun activities to celebrate my 35th birthday; however, I will keep my mini traditions alive and make the best of it for sure. Thank you for all your support and as always my favorite phrase coming up: "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You have a purpose in life to fulfill, so no matter the hard times never give up and allow Jesus to show you the way to a genuinely happy life! Remember for more great content just use the hashtag #amilikey and explore more videos and pics on all your social media platforms!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :) 

Spring Semester Updates #amilikey

 

    Hey my beloved people!!! I am happy to announce I am successfully enrolled in my prerequisites for nursing online at HCC. I am doing very well for the very first week and two days. Major Lol. I have already done an easy extra credit assignment and I have been checking the online canvas almost every day! The feeling I get when I am immersed in my college work truly feels great. I even had a hard time keeping my introduction paragraphs short because obviously I can talk about myself nonstop. Also, that is the writer inside of me wanting to express every little detail of my return to college. 

    I was questioning why two of my courses hadn't published any assignments. I started getting a bit concerned like did I not complete the registration as it should be or something else is missing. I used the chat assistance to verify and it turns out that the other remaining courses have a different staring date. I was surprised and at the same time kind of relieved to know there was nothing missing or wrong. Now I have more time to continue adjusting to this new schedule of being a college student again and a full time employee. I want to make sure this time around I truly embrace every opportunity to gain new knowledge and engage into the courses as much as I can. During the discussions, I couldn't contain myself so I replied to four other classmates which was two more than the required amount. I lowkey was also grading their posts in my mind, like some of them clearly missed the second question response. 

    I do miss the actual in person socialization because I am a natural social butterfly, it definitely limits that stimulation to make new connections and just have those in person experiences overall. Hopefully come next semester I can do at least one in person and regain that part of learning that cannot be replaced through posts and replies. I bought a bigger planner with enough space to jot down my due date assignments and just to have ample space to include personal calendar dates. I am taking notes in my Colombian notebooks and I wish I would have bought even more. The online reading is nice because they have the audio option, but they don't allow you to view the images without going straight into the next paragraph. My inner nerdy self does miss the actual hardcopy textbook. It does make it convenient not to have to rent out books and then have to return them; however, I do miss flipping the pages and not straining my eyes with the online reading. 

    This year I am not setting a quota for the amount of blogs I have to post because I epically failed last year and I just want to move at my own pace. I want the posts I make to make sense and have a meaningful topic. I aspire to improve the context of my writing and to accumulate more followers/posts. So with that being said, I am loving the online spring semester and I look forward to entering the actual nursing program once all my prerequisites are all completed and everything is up to part. Thank you for all your support and as always my favorite phrase coming up: "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You have a purpose in life to fulfill, so no matter the hard times never give up and allow Jesus to show you the way to a genuinely happy life!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

Feliz Nuevo Year !!! #amilikey

 Hey everyone on this world wide web called the internet. Major Lol. So, for those who were tuning in for the goal setter of 50 blogs last year: I was seven short from the final count. I woke up tired and had to do some errands, so I decided to take a nap instead and said, "I am not going to cramp in the last seven just because." I had all the right intentions, but I was like it's not even worth it. To have some bragging rights, when no one ever really reads them or interacts with the posts -- why strain myself trying to finish it. 

    I love that I celebrated another year around the sun and that I am now officially 31 years a survivor of burns. What was once a tragic New Year's Eve is now a celebration for life and perseverance. I had a lovely home cooked meal with delicious desserts. I shouted the countdown and hugged my loved ones. I always dream of a more elaborate celebration, but that day shall too come one day. I loved having that childhood experience as a kid when we went to the beach on New Year's Eve. I enjoyed being out there as the fireworks went off and as the waves crashed in the darkness. We made a cake in the sand and it was so peaceful. 

    I wish everyone a wonderful start to this new year. Remember to set goals that are within reason and strive to be a better version of yourself each and every day. Do not allow those haters/enemies around you to keep you from enjoying life. Everyone deals with things no one else is aware of so keep that in mind and try to be as patient/kind to the most difficult type of people. I hope this year is a fresh start to everyone and that we do not repeat the same silly mistakes we made in 2024. So many people perished last year, you are still here -- make it count for good. As always, thank you for reading this humble blog and continuing to share my journey. Now, to the all inclusive and most important part of blogging, "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You are here for a plan and a reason, allow the Lord Jesus to show you the way and give purpose to your life with everlasting happiness. Remember to check out my videos on YouTube and subscribe!!! Just search #amilikey on Google and YouTube and every social media platform!!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

 

College kid #amilikey

Yeah, I made it for tonight!!!! So this selfie is truly my top ten of all my lifetime!!!  I love the blonde strike of hair and how short it was then while I was doing my externship. I can talk about being a college kid for hours and hours because I literally have over 8 years of experience under my belt. I have been from community college to the four year university to the practical certification scenario. I have seen it all basically, I know where I went wrong and what I could have done better all those in between summers when I didn't have classes. 

    Now in 2025, I again will be a college kid -- what do you know. I have always loved learning and even when I didn't comprehend the language as well as I do now, I still found joy in learning new things. As you all know, I owe uncle Sam a lot of money and I hope one day to be financially well to pay him off for good. I also would take a clear my account kind of deal, but it would be more significant to be in the position to where I can pay it all back and still be well off. I more than anything just wanted to share the cute selfie. I am exciting about going back to school, I will finally make something out of all the things I've studied. 

        Do not be under the impression that college is your only option to having a secure financial life, but definitely explore all your options in terms of degrees and programs at all levels. People downplay the certifications, but sometimes being the very best tech of your choosing can be just as or better fulfilling and rewarding than a BA or MA degree. Ultimately, I advocate for bettering yourself with education and more than anything with a true passion for life. Anyways it's my favorite part moment.  “You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes.” You are here for a reason and a purpose, so let Jesus show you the way. Thank you for your support and remember to view my YouTube videos using the best hashtag #️⃣ amilikey 

Xoxoxoxoxooxo, 

Ana   :) 

 

Insomnia /Depression Survival #amilikey

After this one and one more for tonight, I will be down to just 7 more post to complete the final goal. I will post number 50 before the clock strikes midnight and we officially enter 2025!!!! I can do it and I will do it. 

    So this picture was taken the day I was able to finally be me again. I had gotten out of visiting my then temporary counselor for psychiatry back in 2018. I suffered my second and last episode with severe depression when I took on the role of caregiver for three people all by myself. It was overwhelming and I didn't know how to cope with it so I reverted back to the awful conditions I once endured in 2014 for the first time. I knew what the symptoms were, but this time it hit me even harder because I felt responsible for my own mother's aliment. I eventually received the treatment I needed at the time and when I finally was able to attend my own doctors appointment on my very own. I knew I was back to being me, and that is why I took that selfie in the bathroom. My birthday was approaching and it felt awesome knowing that my mood was back to normal and all I had to workout was getting off the sleeping meds. 

    I spoke with my oversees RN from my childhood. She literally has known me since my accident happened in 1993 when we were just two little girls playing in the laundry room area. Several years passed by until we finally reconnected when I was in my early 20s. Ever since we have always kept in touch. So I went straight to the source and asked her to help me get off the sleeping meds because I knew I was back to my normal self and I just needed to get my normal sleep pattern back. She gave me the recipe and it worked just as she instructed me to do so and I will forever love her for that because she believed in me when others around me just wanted me to stay on meds for good. 

    I advocate for proper sleep because I know first hand how debilitating insomnia is and can progress into depression. I experienced it twice and I learned more about it than ever before. So don't think you are immune to sleep deprivation and take your ass to sleep within reasonable timing. If you don't feel right, there is no shame in seeking counseling and medical attention through psychiatry because the meds are temporary if you exercise the healing process adequately and depending on your condition too. Living with a medical condition that requires psychiatric medicine doesn't diminish your self worth or capabilities. It is better to live a life with some assistance, than to not live at all. I am forever grateful that the Lord healed me completely from those two severe conditions and now that I have survived them, I can talk openly about them to others who may be facing them.  Anyways it's my favorite part moment.  “You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes.” You are here for a reason and a purpose, so let Jesus show you the way. Thank you for your support and remember to view my YouTube videos using the best hashtag #️⃣ amilikey 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)