Hey there beautiful people!!! I wish I hadn't been under the weather for the past couple of past days because it robbed me of so much doing. Whenever you are physically sick, it literally takes out all the energy of doing anything. All I want to do is lay down and watch TV to try and rest/recover as soon as possible. I've googled that if you try to do strenuous activities while being sick it delays the healing process, so I try and keep that in mind and also use it as a crutch to be a couch potato for a little bit. Any who, I am back to myself and there is no better feeling than being 100% healthy- as in sick free!!!
I wanted to post some blogs, but the dread of having to face my flaws in typing also discourages me because I want to type so fast and get the blog in within a short amount of time, and yet somehow I always take up an enormous amount of time because I am constantly backspacing my errors away and that becomes so frustrating. I've literally tried both ways of typing methods where I only look down on the keyboard and type from memory then look up -- I used this method for quiet a while throughout my colleges years and it really didn't speed things up that much. In recent years, I've tried just memorizing where the letters on the keyboard are located and try to hit them as consistently as possible because I can't physically type the proper way with keeping the hands where they belong. I kind of just hover over the main areas and then skip and jump as I go along. Yeah, I know non of this information is relevant for you the precious audience, but I thought I'd share my struggle as a writer and a blogger!!
Now, to the juicy topic of the day-- online chatting in my lifetime! I first came to know it as an eleven year old girl while I was in my foster care family. There was this particular teenager that lived there and I gravitated towards like a big sister. She use to log in to her email msn account or some type of online platform and start chatting messages. I was amazed on how fast she did it and how she could communicate with so many people all at once. The fun icon notifications of a reply was so fascinating to me to watch. Back in the day -- early 2000 era -- you had these fun emoticons that moved like GIFs and that was like the coolest thing about chatting. The constant thrill of expecting a reply in the form of a cool emoticon and fun replies was so addictive. She would sometimes let me sit there alone while she went off to take a shower or use the bathroom -- in my naive mind and hopeless excitement I would attempt to keep up with the conversation while she was gone but I barely got in maybe a sentence or two.
When I finally had my own computer and dial-up internet for the very first time I was so excited to try my hand at online chatting I could not wait. Again, all the exact details of it are slightly blurred because this was so many years ago, but I do remember like the gist of it. I had an email account with Hotmail which automatically created an MSN messenger profile as well. I logged in and I don't know how I connected with someone else online, but I started chatting with this guy from Egypt allegedly and he was of course all sweet and nice. I don't remember his name or age at the time (if any of it was even true) and I chatted for a while, but I don't know what happened in the conversation. It was a one time thing and I never chatted with him again, or at least I don't think I ever did. From then on I tried to stick to only contacts for a while.
Several years passed by and one day I ended up on some Christian theme group chat forum right when I was 19 years old. I again, thought I had found someone very cool and interesting to chat with. He was from Chile and he was 29 years old. He asked me for my name and I gave him my middle name instead and gave him my grandmom's last name instead of mine. I was skeptical of who he was and I was aware of safety concern so that is why I deviated from revealing all of my personal information. He seemed so excited when I described how I looked like that I too omitted the most pertinent physical aspect of me being a burn survivor. He begged me to keep in touch with him via email, so I told him to give me his email instead. I never wrote it down because in my mind I just wanted to have fun in the moment, but was not interested in nothing serious especially with someone ten years older than me who didn't even live in the country. For all I know he was probably looking for a green card and was willing to marry who ever to come to America. I do remember I randomly asked my mom that weekend, " What do you think of me marrying someone who is ten years older than me and she was like that's fine, it's not too much." I was like, wow, I can't believe she was actually okay with the idea and encouraging me that there was nothing wrong with that age gap difference. I guess back then in my own immaturity I felt like it was absolutely wrong. Now, I just prefer someone hopefully younger than me by only a few years -- like maybe four or five years younger than me only because I know wait for it: he has fresher sperm for baby making. MAJOR LOL. I know that is absolutely irrational because unlike us women, a man's sperm doesn't go bad that early in life like before 40 or maybe 50 it's still viable healthy sperm for making healthy babies. And considering I am already at the threshold, I'd figure combine my more mature eggs with fresh younger sperm to make up for the time difference. Major Lol.
Once the era of social media kicked in, it was a lot easier to find people to chat with because they were part of your Facebook friend's list and it made it convenient. When I finally had my own phone, I too endeavored in the apps with chatting features. During my early 20s, I chatted a lot and mainly it was like in a dating type of way -- like I was actively trying to find my partner through these dating apps which were like chatting forums. Apart from the actual dating ones, I did have a few meaningful conversations with certain people throughout the years like an online friend; however, they always fizzled out and we reached a no-pass zone where they couldn't agree with my point of view on a subject and that was the end of it. Most recently actually, I had an online friend who I connected with a lot and he even sent me audio messages and pictures and videos of his timeline like actual events. It was nice having someone to dish about my life with and know that he was actually listening to me and sharing his whereabouts as well. We didn't communicate that often but when we did it was nice hearing from someone in my age group. He didn't approve of my last stand on drinking and he felt I guess super offended that I didn't encourage him to go out and have a drink with his buddies. I simply explained I couldn't tell him to enjoy and have a good time, but I never like told him I band you from it or stop or I won't talk with you anymore. He literally stopped talking to me for over three to four weeks which was beyond the normal amount of time that usually lapsed between conversations. So obviously, I was upset and crushed to know it had happened yet again. I first blocked him from my Instagram account as to show him in retaliation for abandoning me with no explanation. Technically speaking, he knows about my famous hashtag #amilikey and he used to say he thought I was a great writer with my blogs, so I mean it's not like he doesn't have a way of contacting me and reaching out to me again if he really wanted to. Also, I did unblock him from IG again, because I was curious and wanted to know how he was doing. Every time, I think I found someone nice to be a friend to me-- like genuinely it epically fails in due time. I guess my only friend will be my future husband and that's it. Nobody tolerates me as a friend and I can't help but be my true self with my faith based standards.
Well, I guess that pretty much sums up the online chatting experience for me throughout the years. I made connections that were obviously just momentary and that brought nothing to my life. I hope out of all of those conversations, one of them will remember me and be reminded of God and find his way to salvation despite my lack of example as a believer. One last encounter I will never forget, a couple of years back when I was struggling to be employed, I had to much free time on my hands and I met this online guy on I believe Whisper -- the anonymous chat forum where people post random posts and then they chat with you individually. Unfortunately, it's filled with way to many annoying scammers posing as sugar daddies and sugar mommas so disturbing. Every now and then, it is possible to find a decent person who actually wants to have a conversation about something other than the rated R conversations. I want to say I posted something about one of my favorite movie actors Bruce Willis and how he is still pretty freaking hot as a male even this late in his life. Michael, there are so many Michael's in the world I don't see the harm in saying that much. He started chatting with me that night and the conversation evolved to a phone call per his request. At first, I was super hesitant because I was never into calling anyone -- I just like to chat online and that's it. He convinced me to call him, so I did and we literally spent the rest of the night talking on the phone. I had to obviously charge my phone during that maybe three to four hour span and he even took me on his trip to the gas station -- that part was kind of silly because when he used the bathroom he was like I'm going to put the phone down for a little bit while I pee. Major Lol. The part that was the most memorable to me was when he sang to me on the phone, he literally sang to me the song from Pocahontas because I told him that was my favorite Disney princess growing up. He had a really sexy voice and he could actually sing really well, so I was like mush all up in my feelings, blushing and elated that he had such a nice gesture with me a total stranger. After that night we kept in touch for a few more days and maybe had a another short phone call. Eventually, I can't remember why, but it fizzled out yet again and I was so bummed out. I felt like I truly connected with him and obviously he had sent me pictures of him and I was like wow he is really freaking cute too. I honestly in all disclosure saved his pictures and maybe once a year or two when I am going down memory lane I look at them. Obviously, he was never interested in me in that way and we talked so much about what we wanted for our futures that it also didn't make sense to even try anything because we just didn't align at all. I also do pray for him from time to time. I wouldn't mind getting to see him in person one day either. Major Lol. He probably forgot about me already, but it's just one of those stupid what ifs that you always daydream about. (Mostly just me) Alright, now I have revealed more than enough to elaborate on this fun topic.
All in all, " You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He does not make mistakes" you have a purpose and a reason to live. Discover it in Jesus and allow Him to change your life for the better and give you things you never thought you needed or wanted. But above all just come to know what real love is and what true peace feels like no matter the circumstance. Thank you for reading this non-popular blog and make sure you subscribe, like, share and leave a comment/feedback!!! Ask questions if you even want too!!!
Love,
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,
Ana:)
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