Capitalism destruction on Medicine #amilikey

 

        Hey beloved bloggers of mine!!! I know my love for writing is always hindered with my lack of self-discipline with consistency. I enjoy viewing the screen time a little too much, and that has always been one of my biggest flaws. All those hours I've invested on watching TV and now streaming services could have been invested in learning, blogging, reading and getting closer to my Savior. 

    But I am not here to make excuses for myself, we all make choices and suffer the repercussions. So after many weeks of waiting to be transferred to a different position at work, it finally happened. I still couldn't believe it finally happened given the extensive eight month period, and constant change in date for the change. I went from being a PUC(patient unit coordinator) to now a PCT(patient care tech). I was fortunate to train with someone I admire in terms of her character as a person being loving and welcoming. My training wasn't extensive and it only lasted 6 days in two weeks. I was definitely a bit nervous on my first solo shift, but thankfully I pulled through without any major complications or errors in my part. Did I do everything perfectly? Of course not, and considering this new role is completely new to me in terms of actually being the caregiver instead of the patient, I believe I've risen to the occasion. 

      Since this is my platform where I speak freely, I know majority of my fellow coworkers doubted my ability to be a PCT and to not I guess freak out or get overwhelmed with the workload or "bad" patients. Everyone assumed I enjoyed sitting on my flat bootie all night just answering those beloved phones nonstop. They all take one look at me and see me as this weak petite woman, but they are all wrong because I am strong both mentally and physically. I don't say that to be cocky or arrogant, rather to demonstrate that what men sees as unworthy and useless the Lord enables to do above and exceedingly things in His name. I also admit, I have a lot more to learn and my skills aren't as well executed as the veterans that have been doing this for decades. I love patient care because I can relate to all my patients in one way or another, I know what it is like to be bed bound and to be in physical pain after surgery or in general. I am not afraid to ask for guidance if I need it or for clarity on something I might not quite understand. With all of that said, I am so grateful to be released from being a PUC. 

       To further expand on my the details, I genuinely thought the title implied actual coordinator work, and I didn't investigate the actual role before stepping into it. I wanted to have a role where I could have a more in-depth ability to contribute something more meaningful. Honestly, I hated having to harass people to do their work and they constantly taking it out on me for literally doing what I was paid to do. Now, I can be the one who goes and takes care of the patients need without making excuses and avoiding the work like other people did when I called them. All it takes is discernment and the willingness to take care of the patient to the best of your ability. The most important quality you can offer a patient is true compassion and empathy for whatever reason they have been hospitalized. 

       Furthermore, this was just the introduction to the theme of this blog about how corporate greed for profit has tarnished the quality of healthcare in medicine. I hate saying it, but unfortunately maybe 70 to 85 percent of the healthcare workers in all arenas are only working in healthcare for the money and not for the love of taking care of people. I have witnessed it over and over again in my line of work and in my previous work and as a patient myself. Healthcare workers like some nurses do the bare minimum to satisfy the employment status not to be fired, but they show no compassion and do everything with a grudging attitude/ aggressive. They also tend to be dismissive when the patient is rowdy or homeless/old. I know it is not easy to deal with difficult patients, but it doesn't help when the person taking care of them has no patients for them. There is always a better way to say things and offer a more approachable way of reaching people where they are at. 

       It is due to corporate greed that the algorithm that dictates the ratio of patient to healthcare worker is wrong. A nurse or a PCT, cannot provide the same quality of care if the numbers don't allow for ample time to service them with quality care. This is one the reasons why patients return after a discharge so quickly, because they were either discharged without proper thorough medical evaluation and consideration for their status. Everyone is usually stressed to get them in and out as fast as you can, so we can rack up more billing for insurance companies. And on the contrary, those who do not need to be hospitalized or held hostage in a way for any little potential loop in the system to milk the insurance coverage and letting the corporate industries get what they want most which is more profit. Then these same healthcare workers, who are chasing the money work overtime and are working tired because they are given the incentive to work for bonuses. The toxic cycle just continues as the workers who already have the wrong attitude towards patient care are then doing it with exhaustion, which leads to more medical errors and poor patient care. 

      The real solution to this crisis, is plain and simple with very attainable measures corporations should be implementing immediately across all healthcare industries that reach more than hospitals and clinics. Number one, offer healthcare workers a higher wage so that they do not need to work overtime to have a comfortable living. Of course there will always be those greedy people who are never satisfied and are workaholics, but the majority of sensible people would be relieved to know they can work a normal schedule and be compensated in a reasonable manner. Number two, lessen the workload when it comes to assigning patients and the work they perform, because quality of work in healthcare should be the top priority and not the quantity in terms of how much can just one individual do by themselves without passing out. A quick example, if a PCT had less patients to care for, they could ensure that every part of their care was done to the highest standards and patient satisfaction would always be perceived as actually satisfactory and not mediocre. And the same goes for a doctor reviewing patients and a housekeeper actually being thorough with their cleaning because they are not being pressured to complete a ridiculous amount of rooms in such little time. Quality work requires time, and if that time is not given then you will always have just an okay kind of result versus an excellent service. A perfect example in our everyday life, the fast food we eat will never be better than a homemade meal cooked from scratch or a fine dinning restaurant. Number three, for hospitals, lessen the time of inpatient stay if it really is not necessary and only admit people who truly need the services of inpatient care. 

     All of my generic solutions are feasible, but will the CEOs of the medical industries ever implement them to better the overall quality in medicine? Unfortunately, that is a hard sad NO, because increasing profit is their defining target and as long as they are reaping the six figure salaries, they could care less to what other bottom feeders doing all the work in these industries struggle with. I am not saying being a CEO is a walk in the park; however, they are not willing to take a pay cut to better distribute the funds where they are needed or make a change that would regulate the benefit across the board for everyone. People would work better if they weren't always burnt out and felt unappreciated. Overall health of the community would be better if people could actually enjoy a good quality of life and have a work balance. We shouldn't depend on people's sickness to earn a living in healthcare, instead we should be servicing preventative care and expanding services for wellness that people could be a part of as their main line of work. There is so much more in-depth discussion on how healthcare can truly be changed, but unfortunately this corrupt world only seeks out their own best interest for profitable gain. I know we can't save them all, but making the necessary changes would offer so many more people a better lifestyle if only people in leadership would care enough to change the current format. 

      All in all, I am just so appreciative of the ability to take part in patient care with the most basic level as a PCT and to be on the giving side of patient care considering how long I was the patient in need. I hope my dedication and true compassion for people will improve healthcare just a tiny little bit and patients go home knowing someone cared for them as a person. I know my journey has just begun and I shall remain humble through it all giving God all the glory for whatever I do right in this lifetime. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

Education is wrongly structured #amilikey

 

            Good Morning bloggers of the world!! I have to speak up because I have lived it for far too long, this notion that reading and watching all this baloney of information is somehow going to make me a more well-rounded person. In my current and past lectures, I have been obligated to view content that is neither edifying or constructive in any way. Why must the education system continue to waste the time of so many young people or people attempting to be educated with pointless information? Why can't the school system be tailored to produce individuals that are capable of deductive reasoning and analysis instead of summarizing articles of nonsense? I tell you why, they want to waste our precious time and monetize the curriculum that should serve as a production of good wholesome citizens and manipulate the algo rhythm of how successful you can be if you are made to believe a one fit model for all. The school system prides themselves on selling you a ticket to debt in the form of higher education, and they do not advocate entrepreneurship or other avenues of career choices that also yield a good steady income. 

          I wasted a whole year in high school taking only two classes I needed to graduate, while the rest were just to fill in the blank and add to a GPA that never even matter because I was already on my way to a community college which did not require a minimum GPA as long as you were a high school graduate or a GED holder. I would radicalize the school system and implement avenues for the youth to not only graduate with the basic understanding of life, but also with the ability to face life with adequate skills like basic home economics. Offering parenting skills course is just one small feature of so many others that must be implemented for creating a better society. 

      I would reduce high school curriculum to the first two years to ensure their reading and writing is up to part of the average adult reader. Eliminate the higher mathematics that will never be used by students unless they pursue a science based career. The remaining two years will be solidified in just one more year of learning the basic skills of life like home economics and driving. Instead of having courses like history that add no value to our present life, we should be teaching them survival skills for when a person gets injured or is having a heart attack. These skills are far more important than learning what empire defeated who in some B.C. year. Every high school graduate should be CPR certified and should know the basics of assisting a person who has been injured until the professional medical team arrives. Another great option would be to have half the day served as an actual employee of something minimalist a student can perform while being in school. Create an entire agenda of going to work within the classroom setting to start gaining access to employee skills so many current laborers lack in the market. 

       Compensate them for that "job" and make them appreciate the reward of working by earning an income they can call their own. It allows them to still enjoy being young without losing their freedom to be social and enables them to learn before immersing themselves head on into the workforce without any experience of what it means to be a responsible and productive employee. It would require a lot of detailed planning, but this concept is executable in the real world. Wouldn't be nice to graduate from high school with actual skills that prove you know how to do something verses a piece of paper that only reflects how smart you are? It would be totally nice!!

      Higher education has also extended the years people earn their degrees in order to milk the cows aka the students for money majority of us do not have available while being a student. Instead of emphasizing the expertise that can be shared and given while they learn their actual career skills like becoming a teacher or a doctor. Instead of requiring all these nonsense prerequisites that add no value to making you a better professional, why not invest in hands on training on how to be a great teacher and doctor. Extend the actual time of practice versus the textbook overload of information that will never be applicable on a day to day basis. 

      I hope one day I can be the voice of reason to many lost souls who need guidance to making the right career choices by offering them a place to seek real counsel. A community center that strives to exalt the skills God have you personally and turn it into a career you can be proud of and happy with at the same time. A place where everyone is welcomed and no compensation is required because it will be sponsored by those already in good standing. Here you will find opportunities for growth and development without hesitation and prior experience is not expected to be an active participant.       

            Anyways, back to reality I have only one more stupid assignment to dread going through before I have to waste my time reading more nonsense and listening to ideology that leaves me empty. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!!

XOXOOXOXOXOxoxoxoxoxo,

Ana :)

Tell All Annual 5K Race 2025 #Amilikey

 

        Hey everyone!!! So I am still battling it out in these last three weeks left of the spring semester for my prerequisites for nursing. I forgot how much time is actually required to complete a full 13 credit hour semester on top of working full-time too! Obviously looking back I could have taken only three courses instead of 5, but you always live and learn. I wanted to get all my prerequisites done as soon as possible, so that I could start the actual journey in nursing school. It definitely is delicate balance between wanting to jumpstart the process and also starting on the right footing. 

      I had planned to be already transitioned into my new position at work over 8 months ago, and that really set me behind financially. My goal was to utilize my new position to earn more income and finally get the personal MOT I've always been lacking. Not being able to drive is true constriction on my life in every aspect, and I hate having to deal with it/explain myself every time someone gives me the "crazy" eye look - as in how is that even possible at your old age? It is so demoralizing and such a frustrating thing to have to defend the situation as to not make myself look so pathetic. Anyways, my point being is that I cannot go back to being a full-time student in an actual pursing career without a car. I cannot keep this necessity active for much longer and a new chapter in life has to start sooner than later. 

     So to the actual topic of the day, I completed another successful 5K race a week ago in the downtown Tampa firehouse station. I have been participating in this race for three consecutive years now, and it is my most important race of all the ones I've been able to complete. Also for reference I don't have many, but this one was my official first one in person and the purpose for raising the funds is very dear to my aorta as a pediatric now adult burn survivor myself. You think they would give me an extra appreciation token for being basically only female burn survivor in the race. At least an extra souvenir or allow me to be at the front of the race just as a sentimental recognition value, but neither one of those applies. It's like I am almost not even there, and it's hurtful to be perceived as a nobody. 

    This year I was able to get there a bit earlier than last year, so that was nice because within a few minutes it tends to get super crowded and it's a bit annoying too. It sucks I always have to go at it alone, while everyone else is in their little groups and clicks just having a good time. I did invite people at work and even someone from my church but everyone said no because they were unavailable. I am not hiding and I literally am not even wearing headphones so people don't say, "well she was unapproachable." Just for the exclusive viewers I had this idiotic idea that I would have been dating someone by then for a while long enough for him to propose to me at the finish line. Just me and stupid scenarios that never come true at all. I only improved 7 seconds from last year and that still sucks to my personal ego. I recognize I didn't train as hard and working two days prior to the race also caused a lot of struggle to get the proper rest I needed for the race. 

      The part I always enjoy the most is the last speed dash coming to the finish line. I probably bolted as fast as I could only the last 100 feet left of the race. I wish I could race like that for much longer, then my timing would be incredible. Major Lol. I also liked being able to sit down and watch everyone else come behind me! I get to see all the people I beat and that is very delightful especially when they are taller, younger, and better physically built than me. Overall, it was another race in the books for me, I gave it almost all I had considering the 2 hours of sleep I got the night before the race. It was hot outside and that plays a role in the fatigue element of the race. I actually didn't notice any eye candy this time around, and that's all due to how tired I was in that moment. 

    Well, if you want to see me right after the race, I also posted a short video on my YouTube Channel if you want more of a visual summary. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!! 

Xoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

Social Injustice #amilikey

 

  

      Hello my fellow bloggers!! I have been preoccupied like crazy and it was been exhausting. I admit I definitely signed up for more courses than I could chew on, because I have no break. All I do is go to work and on my days off do nothing but homework nonstop. It feels frustrating not having actual down time to do the things I like, like training for my 5K and just being able to go out and have fun. 

     I genuinely have no real friends in life to hangout with at all; however, I would still like to go out on my own at the least. I only have friendly acquaintances and long distance pen pals. So it definitely sucks having no one to socialize with, but I have had bad company in the past and it was not worth it at all.  Perks of being the outcast in society, you get plenty of alone time. 

     Anyways, I wanted to talk about the social injustice that has been happening for all eternity, but more frequently to the minorities. People are always blaming the hard working migrants for their own personal failure and overall social crime rates when it was only a few bad apples like in any other race. In the one class that has been robbing me of all my time, I have learned about more cases that reflect these injustices to all different minorities. It breaks my heart to discover that someone like Vincent Chin was brutally murdered over someone loosing their job at a car factory. Vincent did not fire these men that attacked him and he had nothing to do with their personal failure in the labor force. No one stopped or prevented this from happening either, which is also extremely disturbing because someone could have stepped in and tried to save him. Another great example of why drinking at bars always leads to tragedy in one way or another. 

     Vincent died at the hospital in 1982 in Detroit after being beat up to death all because he was an Asian and these men assumed he was Japanese. These two men wanted to take out their anger at losing their job because Japanese automobile imports were on the rise. Chin was Chinese and he was just enjoying his night out celebrating his engagement. These two men were never charged with murder and did not serve barely any time in jail. The judge gave them a bogus fine and sentenced them to community service hours. I am a thousand percent sure, had it been a white male brutally beaten and murdered by a minority they would have sentenced them to years and years of prison. 

      Social injustice happens to all types of people in life, but the minorities have always had a greater dose of this punishment far greater than the rest. The media has always targeted migrants as being criminals because there are those few cases that stain our reputation like the Narcos from Colombia. I propose that government officials realize how hypocritical their policies are towards migrants which happen to minorities. Immigration from Latin America did not initiate in recent years, it has been cultivated and nurtured through policies that America created and sponsored throughout generations. America has always benefitted from the labor minorities have provided to build America, yet they act as if we are not worthy to be recognized for the growth found in America. 

        If Americans, which also do not originate from America but Europe, are afraid to loose their identity to the vast influx of migrants: they can provide a resolution to allow migrants to pass the border with permission to work legally. There could be a policy in place where migrants can work legally and pay taxes, but are not considered citizens. They can become eligible for citizenship after a 40 years wait period, which would prevent them from reaping all the benefits Americans are worried about them having or taking part of like voting. Migrants only want to be able to work and have a decent life for themselves and their families. America needs the labor, why make it so inhumane to cross over all because some Americans feel like they don't deserve a piece of the pie? 

      Crossing the desert to get to the border is just a heart-breaking ordeal that people are willing to endure because it's their only hope for a better future. No human should have to die in the desert and remains eaten by vultures, all because some people envy their work ethic and desire to survive. I know nobody agrees with this notion of letting all people come in to work, but obviously there would be a regulation to monitor that their purpose is fulfilled. A background check would be in place to rule out any potential threats. A system of labor activity would be up and running to guarantee that those allowed to come to America are actively working and contributing to society through lawful means of work. Those who do not produce a constant active work status for more than a three month break period between jobs, would be deemed eligible for deportation as failure to maintain active working status. Only a few legitimate reasons would be valid for longer break times like health issues or severe tragic situations that happen in life like becoming a full-time caregiver to an incapacitated family member. 

        My proposal is reasonable and can work if people actually had compassion for one another. There is so much hatred in this world, and yet we all bleed the same red blood of different actually types but all human blood is red. I hope and pray for all my minority brothers and sisters that positive change in policies come to pass. I face injustices all the time because of my own appearance, but I have learned to see beyond the assumed stereotype of all people. Everyone deals with some trauma or life struggles, why look down on them for it or show hatred because they have a different lifestyle? We shouldn't and we need to show compassion for all. 

     As always thank you for stopping by and learning a little bit more about me and what I think. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!! 

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

 

Chapter 35 has officially started!! #amilikey

 

       Good afternoon, I am officially a week into my 35th chapter and it has been relaxing considering I took off two weeks from my job. It was the right and best present I could have given myself. I wasn't able to set up an extensive itinerary like last year but at least I get some rest from work and that's also fulfilling. I did not make reservations for a fancy birthday dinner or lunch. I did not go out to eat anywhere special or at all, but there are for more important things going on in my life. 

      I kept the very basic traditions alive with getting my pampering through the manicure and pedicure. I actually went to get my haircut at the Supercuts and that was different. I really wanted to keep my hair length and dye it but it would have been more expensive and probably more damaging to the already mess of blended bottom colors. The hairstylist even said, "this will definitely get rid of the bleached bottom part," and I was like wow it looks that bad because it's not even bleached at all. So I am enjoying my short hair season again whether people like it or not it's none of my concern. Today my last class online started, so I am fully engaged in 5 classes that include a lab one course credit. Overall, I have met 97% of all my deadlines and kept my grades up except for Human Biology that has been kicking my butt for not putting sufficient study time for exams. I have a current 80 in the class so that's not the most exciting grade especially considering how important my transcripts are for entering in nursing school. 

      I admit I need to get more discipline and put the effort I want my grades to be reflexed as overall. Apart from being in my online courses, I also have to tighten up my training for my 5k coming up in exactly one month from tomorrow. I am not where I need to be time wise. My goal is to always finish faster than last year and that would mean doing it in 35 minutes. My last practice got me to 38:55 which is closer but definitely not close enough. I have a lot of family issues I have been dealing with that also come into conflict with my training, but I just have to be vigilant and push through the days I don't want to do anything. My YouTube channel gained some traction for a little while with some short videos and that was nice. I did gain subscribers I did not think had been added and I am currently holding the count to 80 so that's also heart-warming. 

      My annual physical is coming up in April, so I also need to clean up my diet to get the best possible numbers when it comes to my A1C and the rest of the bloodwork details. I am still struggling to loose those stubborn 20 Ibs according to the BMI index with them on I am overweight. I really wish I could calculate how much muscle mass I have actually acquired, because I feel like that also affects my overall weight. Last little detail about this new chapter, I had my eye exam last week and apparently I now require bifocal eyewear which is kind of alarming considering I just turned 35 and not 65 or 55. The optometrist said it wasn't anything to be alarmed with and everyone has different needs when it comes to their eyes. I am still shocked but I do want to be able to see as clear as possible at all times and my vision is vital to my everyday life. 

            Overall, I guess these were mainly life updates, but as always I appreciate the very few people who ever do read my blogs. I hope in the coming days I can bring about a different topic that is not directly related to my personal life. I can talk about other things other than me and I am a great writer despite the unbelief and doubt from peers. I can articulate a well thought out analysis and bring forth a productive discussion. So with all of that let me get back to my main goal of spreading encouragement and reminding myself and others you are not a mistake because God that created you is perfect and He cannot make mistakes. You are here for a plan and a purpose so allow Jesus into your life and discover that plan for your life to be fulfilled. Thank you and remember leaving a small comment or feedback is always welcomed!! 

My YouTube is always up and running as well!! Just search #amilikey 

Xoxoxooxoxooxoxo, 

Ana   :) 

 

FWBs #amilikey

 

    I have briefly talked about it, but never in depth because it is too painful of a memory. I never knew it was a thing nowadays to have a friend with benefits(FWB). I never wanted to have that type of relationship ever, but it did happen to me twice. Almost simultaneous and they knew about each other too, so it was all toxic from the beginning and till the end. 

    I originally knew the second FWB since my teenage years and we had already established a brief friendship years prior to it escalating to the FWB status between us. We shall call him Nate for reference, Nate and I never deliberately discussed the condition or agreement of what we were doing at all. It was always just in the moment kind of deal. Nate always had some sense of remorse afterwards and swore he would never sleep with me again, but as soon as he was intoxicated and feeling horny he completely forgot about what he had said. I always felt guilty too for doing what was morally wrong from my beliefs and yet I kept coming around time after time thinking there could ever be something more than just plain FWB status. The romantic idiot in me always wanted to settle down for less in order to have something to hold on to and claim as my own. Nate never felt an ounce of feelings towards me, he used me the whole time and knew I was desperate for that void to be filled with someone who wanted me. 

    Our toxic relationship of being FWBs lasted on and off for over two years and it lead to dark roads in my own journey. At one point, I hate to admit it I even had a pregnancy scared and his reaction to it all was devastating. I will never forget the way he responded and how relieved he was to know thankfully it was just a false alarm. He literally said, "What will people think of me knowing I got you pregnant?" and "They'll probably make fun of me because of the way you look." "Or maybe that way they won't think I am so shallow," these were the statements he made in that moment. I should have ran farther than anyone else and never made contact with him ever again, and embarrassingly even after that episode I eventually went back to him during those two on and off years. It was a hard attachment, because we socialized a lot apart from just having sex. We went everywhere and constantly hung out doing normal day to day activities. He always gave me false hope and said things that made me consider staying to see it through. Those overanalyzed moments where he treated me nice and with extra care and eventually it always reverted to verbal abuse and aggressive reactions/combative dialogue. 

    I do not endorse or recommend anyone engaging in FWB relationships. They always end badly and someone (the woman) always gets hurt in the process. A relationship should be based on mutual likeness of one another and commitment to love/respect each other. No one should settle for the imitation of a relationship just because they do not want to be alone. You are worthy of being chosen as a real partner and given the love you expect in return. The first FWB was short lived and he was just as toxic as the second. The only difference between them was their age, race and approach to being a toxic FWB. I do not keep in contact with either one for obvious reasons, and I pray I never have to confront them in a real case scenario. I will say a simple "hi" and wave goodbye, but apart from that I don't want to relive everything I experienced. 

    We live and learn; it is best to leave the past in the past and only remember the lesson. Okay, well that was another small synapse of my wretched "love" life timeline. Thank you for all your support and as always my favorite phrase coming up: "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You have a purpose in life to fulfill, so no matter the hard times never give up and allow Jesus to show you the way to a genuinely happy life!

Xoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)

My Birthday Month!! #amilikey

 

    Hello fellow peeps!! I am very happy to see another year come to a close and a new beginning to a new chapter called 35!! This one will be very bittersweet, because there are so many pending goals yet to be reached and milestones that haven't even remotely began. Last year, at the end of the year I thought I met someone great and he turned out to be just another liar. He wasn't serious about anything and he really hurt me in the sense that I believed this could be different. I figured he is a professional and he approached me so clearly it will be different. Nope, none of the above happened at all. I thought maybe even a real friend and colleague networking opportunity. After that one meetup, it all fizzled out and I kept begging him to keep in touch and he always said, "I'm sorry for ignoring you I've just been busy." And the same thing happened all over again. I didn't hear from him unless I (the idiot) texted him first. So I finally deleted his number and from my social media. He hasn't bothered to reach out to ask what happened nor does he even care. I think he is probably relieved that he doesn't have to hear from me anymore. 

    So anyways, I only brought it up because as I turn 35 in less than a month, I will still be on this market of singleness and my motherhood years are basically about to expire. I don't want to be an old mom for the first time and it really bothers me to have to accept the reality of it all. If anyone would have asked me if this is how my life would pan out as a kid I would have never believed them. I had so much hope and confidence in my future that I would have that white picket fence and a beautiful family by age 30. They say you should never compare your life with others, but how could you not feel left out when literally everyone around you has a career and a family of their own. It sucks point blank and there's not much I can do to change that narrative. So yeah, I will be half happy about celebrating another year while utterly crushed knowing I don't have a husband to celebrate it with or the prospects of having one soon. 

    I also felt bad not posting a blog in such a long time so I thought I share something. It's not like I have a real following or support from anyone on here anyways. I am just basically talking to myself 99% of the time. I am journaling my life away and hoping one lost soul might just come across this blog and receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I met two new colleagues at work that are fairly nice and that's nice. I wish I could remove the ones that aren't so pleasant but then it wouldn't be called work. Major Lol. Certain people just have that "not again" feeling hovering over them, because all they do is complain and contribute nothing. They talk so much about what others don't do and in the meantime I am like, " and you are doing what ?" Nothing too, so look real hard in the mirror because you are the problem and not the solution. Anyways, I just want to pass my upcoming human biology test tomorrow with an "A" and call it a day. (Hey that rhymes, major Lol) 

    Finally, in comparison to last year's celebration, I am under a strict budget and I won't be able to do nearly as much fun activities to celebrate my 35th birthday; however, I will keep my mini traditions alive and make the best of it for sure. Thank you for all your support and as always my favorite phrase coming up: "You are not a mistake, because God is perfect and He cannot make mistakes." You have a purpose in life to fulfill, so no matter the hard times never give up and allow Jesus to show you the way to a genuinely happy life! Remember for more great content just use the hashtag #amilikey and explore more videos and pics on all your social media platforms!!

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo, 

Ana :)